Hello.
Last Friday was my birthday. I would have to say it was one of the best birthdays ever. What? You don’t care to hear about it because you don’t know me all that well, or at all? Then stop reading now Pablo!
Friday morning my friend Heather took me to breakfast before she went to work. Heather is a sweetheart and quite the attractive woman. Wait. Let me clarify. She’s the attractive wife of my friend Shawn. Hanging out with a hot married woman is like fake bling. People are wrongly impressed because they’re like “How’d that big headed doofus get a girl that looks that? He must make a lot of money.” Little do people know that I’m broke and I was eating breakfast with a friend of mine’s wife because she is my friend. Also, I am a threat to no one’s marriage. I mean aside from having morals, look at me! For God sake’s look at me!
Later that afternoon my friend Jason took me to lunch at Chelino’s downtown. When we were done eating, I guess the waitress overheard Jason wish me a happy birthday so they brought over a huge sombrero and played me happy birthday. The sad thing is the sombrero, which was about fifteen feet across, didn’t even fit on my head. It merely rested atop my cranium, teetering like a frisbee on a pumpkin. Jason got a good laugh out of that so it was worth it.
Just a side note to the trip to Chelino’s. When you walk into Chelino’s there is an enormous framed picture of Jesus. Here it is.
Ok. Why does the man giving the interview look visibly annoyed at the guy he just hired shaking the hand of someone he can’t see? “You’re welcome for the new job jackass!” I think it’s a hilarious picture. In the picture at Chelino’s someone had cut out an article and put it in the corner of the frame. It’s Jesus’ obituary. How someone got a hold of an English newspaper clipping from so long ago is beyond me.
Back to the birthday story you don’t care about.
That night I had planned on heading on out to Tapwerks for a birthday beer with Greg. My roommate Jacob said he wanted to go. My friend Adam was going to go but bailed at the last moment because he said he had relatives come into town. I was kind of disappointed, but I understood.
My roommate Jacob and I left my house for Bricktown around six-thirty and I had to stop by 7-11. I pull into the parking lot and there was some big ass SUV taking up two spaces. I hate SUV’s. I park my little Honda and walk into the store. Adam is in the 7-11. I told him to call me later that night if he wanted to hang out. My feelings were kind of hurt because he sure wasn’t dressed like he was going on a trip to his parents. I just figured he was going to go hang out with some friends of his. Oh well.
Me and Jacob leave 7-11 and head down to Bricktown where we meet up with Greg in front of Tapwerks. We walk in and Greg says we should sit in the back of the place. I make my way to the back of the restaurant and see three tables full of all of my friends. Turns out that my friend Lesley had planned a surprise party for me. I haven’t had a surprise party since I was a kid. I believe I was in the second grade and my teacher, Mr. Sandeen, even showed up for that party. That was awesome. However, I was a kid and it’s easy to fool a kid. I had no idea about this party. Also, I drank WAY more alcohol at this surprise party than the one from when I was seven. Not by much though.
It turned out that Adam was on his way to Bricktown when I saw him at 7-11. The big SUV? That was Lesley’s. She had picked Adam up at his house and happened to stop at that 7-11. I parked right next to her and didn’t even know it. That would explain the irrational behavior of Adam when I saw him. He was freaking out and now I know why.
I was pleasantly surprised and would like to take this time to tell my friend Lesley how much that meant to me. I know that it can be trying to be my friend most of the time. I just want to tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. One lifetime isn’t nearly long enough to repay you all for all you have done for me or to truly be the friend deserving of having someone like you in my life.
I will make out with you if you want though.
RIGHT NOW
SONG - Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson. Yes, that Michael Jackson. This song makes me want to buy a white suit, a white fedora, a black armband and go play pool so I can travail over the oppressive nature of other pool players by crushing a cue ball in my hand and then blowing the remnants of said cue ball in my enemy’s face. That would be pretty cool.
MOVIE - High Fidelity. This is an almost perfect movie. A movie that is nowhere perfect? Almost anything with Ralph Macchio. Karate Kid is the exception.
- Joel