Hello friend.
I know that as of recent I have been writing about a bunch of things no one seems to care about. Writing about my subdued depression or fueling pointless feuds with people not worth my time, makes me assume that all the person who reads this is miserable because of it. That’s not fair to you. I owe you better. I owe you something riveting and absurd. I call it riv-e-surd. Here goes.
I think that I am being stalked by a duck.
This all started a few weeks ago after I left Zio’s with my friend Adam. There was a lone duck in the parking lot. No other ducks around to be seen. When I approached it to see if it was ok, it made no attempt to fly away. It didn’t let me too close to it, but it didn’t fly away. Adam circled around behind it to lead it towards me so I could see if it was hurt. Having no medical training involving either animals or humans, I wasn’t sure what I was gonna do if it was hurt, but I still felt I could do something. I take the same approach to pretty much everything in my life. Before I could get a good look at the duck, some dumb kid ran up and the duck flew away.
I thought it was odd as there was no water around anywhere or other ducks. Don’t ducks usually hang out with each other? All of the experience I didn’t get from not studying zoology in college leads me to ask that question, so don’t judge me.
My first duck experience was odd, but nothing to make me think twice about it. Then about a week after the Zio’s encounter, I went to do my laundry at the Laundromat which overlooks one of the pools in my complex. The pool is closed as they are cleaning it so I didn’t expect to see anything out there. Then I noticed a duck just sitting next to the pool. I’m pretty sure it was staring at me. It’s hard to tell because they have tiny eyes, but I feel pretty confident that it was staring at me.
Again, there were no other ducks around and the pool was empty because they were cleaning it, so no water.
So that made for two duck sightings in less than a month. I’m almost convinced it’s not only the same duck, but something mystical or nefarious is afoot. However, with the passing of time, I had completely forgotten about my duck encounters. Barely a thought remained about it. Then it all came rushing back this morning.
I was on my way downtown to go to work, when I stopped at that gas station on Sheridan and Classen. Not the best part of town, but I needed to hit up the ATM. Gots to get my paper,yo. I pull up to the front of the store and get out. Every time I stop there I’m ‘greeted’ by either a crazy person asking me for money, or a wino, or some sort of wino-crazy person hybrid asking me for money. I didn’t see anyone as I pulled my car up. For a moment I thought that maybe all the homeless, crazy, winos had taken a day off. Then I saw it. The same lone duck just standing right in front of my car staring at me! I’m not kidding! The previous encounters came rushing back and I got out of my car and just stared at the duck for a second and then said “What?!”. I’m not sure what I was expecting. It just stared at me like I was a fool. Sure I was standing in front of a gas station questioning a duck, but who hasn’t? It didn’t take long for me to realize I probably looked like a moron, so I just made my way inside and hit up the ATM. I know it’s odd but while I was waiting for the machine to spit my money out, I kept looking outside to see if the duck was still there. I couldn’t tell. When I walked back out, it was gone.
So as it stands I’m apparently being stalked by a phantom duck. I could understand if I saw a random duck like once, maybe twice, but three times is really pushing it. I wonder what this duck wants. Maybe it is a mystical duck wanting to impart the wisdom of the universe to me for some reason. Maybe it is my dad reincarnated as a duck trying to tell me about the after life. Maybe it is some sort of assassin ninja duck sent to kill me by a cooperative of former girlfriends and ex-roommates who hate me so much they figured out a way to communicate with water fowl and train them to become amphibious killing machines with one thing on their mind -my death. Maybe it’s just coincidence too, but what fun is that?
RIGHT NOW
SONG – Crazy by Gnarls Barkley. A great song that has the makings of being the summer song of the year.
MOVIE – Million Dollar Duck. It’s an old Disney movie from the seventies with Dean Jones and Sandy ‘Glass Eye’ Duncan about a duck who is blasted with radiation and then gains the ability to lay golden eggs. Nothing kids love more then water fowl with radiation poisoning. It’s not a good movie at all but it’s the only duck related movie I could think of. And no, I didn’t forget about Howard the Duck. Million Dollar Duck is even better than that piece of crap.
Holla.
- Joel
www.chkona.com
www.myspace.com/joeldavidd