In the past week I have done so many un-incredible things. I will now share some of them with you. You’re welcome.
I went to the Arts Festival and filmed some stuff for Look. It is kind of hard to be funny when I don’t have a wireless microphone. If anyone reading this has one laying around or wants to donate one to my cause, you can contact me through MySpace . Please help me. I’m not joking. I want to be funny for you people, and looking at me always makes people laugh, but my razor sharp wit cannot fully be expressed through physical comedy. It’s not my fault God made me so funny.
Jaqueline from Look was out there filming and couldn’t hold the camera still because she was laughing so hard. The sad thing is you probably won’t get to hear the hilarity because we are mic-less. Joey from Joey & Heather has a TV show called Gimme the Mic Oklahoma. How about you just give me a mic? I’m way funnier than anything on that show. I take that back.. I’m intentionally funnier.
My friends Brian and Robert and I played a game while we were out there. We decided to take a drink of beer every time we saw a lesbian couple. Holy lord. We were drunk after about three minutes. I’m glad we didn’t play the “Drink-every-time-you-see-crappy-art” game otherwise we would have died there.
Every time I go the Arts Festival I try to find the most useless item there. It didn’t take too long this year. I found a booth where a woman was selling canes wrapped with strips of leather and passing them off as Native American Walking Sticks. They were canes with leather on them. That was it. Nothing more than that I promise. What a scam.
The second most useless item was a 3-D painting of garbage. That’s right. Garbage. M&M wrappers and other assorted snack food wrappers in a frame. Yep. That was it. “So where do you find your motivation to do such heartfelt work?” “See that trash can over there? That’s where.”
A lot of the paintings made me think that there were a lot of Motel 6 rooms missing their wall art. We get it. Trees and a field. Beautiful. Just breathtaking.
The coolest thing there, I ended up buying. Was it a bronze sculpture of a naked lady or an elk? No. It was a rocket ship nightlight. I know I’m too old to have a nightlight but something about it drew me to it. I thought it was cool. Then again I own a rocket ship night light so my cool credibility should rightfully be in question.
Moving on.
There is a flier up where I work concerning taking donations from people for a battered women’s shelter. They are asking for clothes and toiletries. Nowhere on that list though is a face mask or boxing gloves or helmets. You would think that would be first on the list.
That’s going in my act, I don’t care what you think.
RIGHT NOW
SONG – Wasted Reprise by Pearl Jam. I love Pearl Jam. I know that shows my age because, as was recently pointed out by a friend of mine, that Pearl Jam is “…so nineties.” I like them anyway. I also like Swatch Watches, Crystal Pepsi and Reebok Pumps.
MOVIE – The Squid and the Whale – This movie is like a Wes Anderson movie only without the humor. Wes Anderson produced it so that might have something to do with it. It ain’t for everybody I’ll tell you that.
Holla.
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