JOEL DAVID NewsOK.com Blogging Community

Good day.

This is the longest stretch between posts I’ve had thus far. At least since that time I went to Nam back in ‘73. That never happened and I know it. I’m delusional.

So this past weekend was a three day weekend that was pretty crazy. I worked up at The Loony Bin, which was cool. Met some good people who bought me a LOT of drinks all weekend. There are few things better than the kindness of strangers. Strangers willing to help damage my liver with no cost to me!

I did nothing on Memorial Day. This was mostly because I was wiped out from the weekend. I had toyed with the idea of going to the lake, despite my petty dislike for the lake. My friend Adam, when I spoke with him Sunday, said “Dude, me and a bunch of people are going to the lake on Monday. If you wanna go I’ll call you on Monday.” I told him I’d think about it.

Adam called me around noon. I had decided to go because maybe I was wrong in assuming that a trip to the lake would end up uneventful and create an un-needed hang over. Not that there’s ever a needed hangover. Adam tells me we’ll have to take two cars, despite his living a block from me. He said he had to pick some people up on the way to the lake. I wasn’t happy at the prospect of driving because I spent a lot of time this weekend driving. Ok. New me. Be adventurous and not worry about the small inconvenience of driving.

I asked Adam who was going and he said himself, and two guys he works with. I asked if they were meeting a whole slew of people at the lake, because he had originally made it seem that way. He said no. So it’s basically Adam and two dudes heading out to the lake to do……wait. Did one of them own a jet ski or Seadoo? No. So they weren’t meeting people. They had no reason to go other than to hang out and drink beer and wait for something magical to happen? It was at that point I was out on the whole thing.

Adam ended up telling me he was glad I wasn’t going because I was being kind of negative. I guess my sleep deprived fueled cynicism may have made it seem like negativity, but in reality I just didn’t feel like hanging out with a couple of dudes at the lake. So my Memorial Day was spent sleeping.

That sucked.

Here is a random thought. Can someone please find Natalie Holloway’s body so I can stop hearing about her? I know it’s tragic for her family and all but, as I recently was surprised to find out, Natalie Holloway ISN’T the first person in history to go missing. Huh. That was news to me.

So Katie Couric is no longer on The Today Show. She’s not the main reason I’ve watched that show for years, but her replacement will be why I won’t be watching it. I can’t stand Meredith Viera. I don’t know if it’s her condescending attitude or that I think she kind of looks like a dude. It looks like my pre-work morning TV will be Saved by the Bell and that hot woman on Headline News. That or Spanish TV news. Sheesh almighty is that some good stuff.

I’m so tired. So very tired that I’m coming across like a chauvinistic and bitter fella. I’m not. I’m just tired is all. I have a lot of work to do for Look and a lot sleeping to get to or I’ll pass out and no one wants that. Off to bed I go. Sorry to all the person who reads this.

RIGHT NOW

SONG - Steady as She Goes by the Raconteurs. I need a wife.

MOVIE - Rocky III. I need a life.

A WEEK FROM THIS FRIDAY - My Birthday. I need a reason to be worthy of both a wife and a life.

- Joel

CHECK OUT MY PODCASTS ON THE MAIN LOOK PAGE! THEY’RE FUNNIER THAN WHAT I JUST WROTE! I SWEAR TO YOU! WHEN HAVE I EVER LET YOU DOWN?! Ok. With the exception of the whole child support thing. Touche.

www.chkona.com
www.myspace.com/thejoeldavidshow

I received an e-mail this morning from someone I would have never even thought of getting an e-mail from. “A girl who wants to date you?” no. Thanks for reminding of that though. I received an e-mail from Barbaro, the three year old colt injured at this last weekend’s Preakness. For those of you who don’t know, he broke his leg into twenty different pieces during a race and still may not survive.

As I’m sure you’d rather read this straight from the horse’s mouth, here is a copy of the e-mail he sent me.

—–Original Message—–
From: Barbaro The Horse
Sent: Monday, May 22, 2006 9:15 AM
To: Joel David
Subject: Possibly My Last Request

Hey Joel,

Just thought I’d shoot you an e-mail to let your readers know that I am ok. Maybe shoot isn’t exactly the appropriate word. Send. Yeah, that’s better. Since this is probably the last e-mail I’ll ever send, as I might be dead soon, I figured I’d better go ahead and throw some stuff out there that has been bothering me.

First off all, I wouldn’t be in this situation if it wasn’t for the idiocy of human beings. You humans are the only ones who use other species for pure entertainment. You never see a bunch of bears gathering around to watch some horses race.

My damn leg is broken in twenty places! That wouldn’t have happened if I was in the wild just hanging out with my horse friends. Actually, it very well may have happened but I bet you the chances of it happening would have been much less. Why? Because there wouldn’t have been a tiny Latin dude on my back whipping me. I know that might appeal to some of you out there but it sucks for all us horses who aren’t sadomasochists.

I guess that I would just like humans to know that animals do feel pain. We deserve better than to be treated like sporting equipment. If cockfighting is illegal, how is horseracing still considered entertainment? The only time animals were involved in sporting events where the humans didn’t have a shot, was when a lion got to snack on the occasional gladiator. That was fine by me. But that was thousands of years ago! You people still race us, have bullfights and dog races. That is just pathetic.

Feel free to eat us though. Some of my best friends are chickens. While it makes me sad that you’ll kill some of my chicken friends to eat, I get it. We all know that humans are gluttons. Despite there being more than enough vegetation to eat, I get that humans seem to have to kill something in order to feel validated.

I guess my wish, in the event that I am shortly turned into glue, is to please make an effort to not use us for sport. We are as much a part of this planet as you are, despite what redneck hunters might think. Stop polo, horse racing, bull fighting, dog racing, and rodeo. Even if you don’t believe in karma, just stop doing it because it is painful to us and wrong.

Ask my newly broken leg.

- B

www.chkona.com
www.myspace.com/joeldavidd

I often think about all I have and all I have going for me. After that four seconds of my life is over, I begin the marathon mental exercise where I think about things I’ll never be. I’ve decided to share them with you, the only person who ever reads this.

I’ll never be someone who can fly. I’m not ‘Super’ at all. I’m not made of helium. I don’t have wings. That means I’ll never be able to fly around the city stopping crime or just hanging out on top of some building. That kind of sucks.

I’ll never be a ninja. Being a ninja takes years and years of training from a very young age. I’ll never be able to creep around in the darkness of night assassinating evil doers. I’m not Asian and I think that Karate is stupid. The older I get the more useless I realize Karate is. No one I know who knows Karate has ever used it outside of their ‘dojo’. Still though, being a ninja would kick some ass.

I’ll never be black. I have wished I was black since I was a kid. Black people are way more interesting as a whole than white people. Sorry white people, but that’s a fact. We suck and are boring and we all know it. Just admit it. Want proof? A white dude with a shaved head looks like Uncle Fester from The Addams Family. That’s far from interesting. A black dude with a shaved head looks like a bad ass. Much cooler. If he doesn’t look like a bad ass he probably still looks way cooler than a skinhead could ever hope to look. I shaved my head once and the color of my head, paired with the size of my head, made me look like I had an enormous mutant albino kiwi fruit resting atop my shoulders. It wasn’t pretty.

I’ll never be Joel Jolie. If I married Angelina Jolie I would take her name so I could be Joel Jolie. That would have been nice. Thanks a lot for ruining that dream Brad Pitt! Joel Aniston would be alright though. Perhaps I’ll call her.

I’ll never be ‘that guy’. I’ll never be the type of guy who treats women badly. Then again I’ll probably never talk to a woman so no need to worry about that.

I’ll never be a sports guy. I don’t get how someone’s demeanor can be affected by the outcome of a game. I’m a huge baseball fan but I’m not about to get all bent out of shape if the Yankees lose. It’s entertainment, not anything that has any bearing on whether or not I live or die. I especially don’t get football, but that’s a whole other thing I don’t want to delve into here. This is Sooner Country and whatever type of geographic association is designated to the OSU Cowboys. I just don’t get the rabid fans a sport has.

I’ll never have a viewing after I die. I want people to remember me the way I was, alive. I’ve been to more than one viewing, my dad’s included. That’s not how I wanted to remember my dad. Why he was propped up like a mannequin holding a tennis racket from Sears is beyond me.

I’ll never be someone women can’t live without. Women don’t look at me and want to jump me. That’s ok. I’m comfortable with that. I’m ugly and we all know it. That’s cool. Per every girl I’ve dated they initially dated me out of pity. That’s not something one likes to know but it is telling. I get it. Pity disguised as desire which eventually turns into tolerance rooted in guilt over having dated me out of pity anyhow. Life goes on.

I’ll never cheat on a woman or be a bad parent. I’ll never stop loving the person I marry. I’ll never stop finding things sentimental that I shouldn’t. I’ll never stop trying to be a good friend. I’ll never be anything other than the best person I think I can be.

I will however promise to never write again while listening to sentimental Frank Sinatra music. See what kind of drivel I write when that happens?

RIGHT NOW

SONG - Your Song by Garth Brooks. Yeah I listen to Garth Brooks. So? I’ll put Garth up against lame Toby Keith any day of the week. Boy do I not like that guy.

MOVIE - Munich. I still can’t decide if I like this movie or not. I know it’s Spielberg, and I love his work, but that final scene is a little jarring.

Holla.

- Joel

www.chkona.com
www.myspace.com/thejoeldavidshow

Hello friend.

I know that as of recent I have been writing about a bunch of things no one seems to care about. Writing about my subdued depression or fueling pointless feuds with people not worth my time, makes me assume that all the person who reads this is miserable because of it. That’s not fair to you. I owe you better. I owe you something riveting and absurd. I call it riv-e-surd. Here goes.

I think that I am being stalked by a duck.

This all started a few weeks ago after I left Zio’s with my friend Adam. There was a lone duck in the parking lot. No other ducks around to be seen. When I approached it to see if it was ok, it made no attempt to fly away. It didn’t let me too close to it, but it didn’t fly away. Adam circled around behind it to lead it towards me so I could see if it was hurt. Having no medical training involving either animals or humans, I wasn’t sure what I was gonna do if it was hurt, but I still felt I could do something. I take the same approach to pretty much everything in my life. Before I could get a good look at the duck, some dumb kid ran up and the duck flew away.

I thought it was odd as there was no water around anywhere or other ducks. Don’t ducks usually hang out with each other? All of the experience I didn’t get from not studying zoology in college leads me to ask that question, so don’t judge me.

My first duck experience was odd, but nothing to make me think twice about it. Then about a week after the Zio’s encounter, I went to do my laundry at the Laundromat which overlooks one of the pools in my complex. The pool is closed as they are cleaning it so I didn’t expect to see anything out there. Then I noticed a duck just sitting next to the pool. I’m pretty sure it was staring at me. It’s hard to tell because they have tiny eyes, but I feel pretty confident that it was staring at me.

Again, there were no other ducks around and the pool was empty because they were cleaning it, so no water.

So that made for two duck sightings in less than a month. I’m almost convinced it’s not only the same duck, but something mystical or nefarious is afoot. However, with the passing of time, I had completely forgotten about my duck encounters. Barely a thought remained about it. Then it all came rushing back this morning.

I was on my way downtown to go to work, when I stopped at that gas station on Sheridan and Classen. Not the best part of town, but I needed to hit up the ATM. Gots to get my paper,yo. I pull up to the front of the store and get out. Every time I stop there I’m ‘greeted’ by either a crazy person asking me for money, or a wino, or some sort of wino-crazy person hybrid asking me for money. I didn’t see anyone as I pulled my car up. For a moment I thought that maybe all the homeless, crazy, winos had taken a day off. Then I saw it. The same lone duck just standing right in front of my car staring at me! I’m not kidding! The previous encounters came rushing back and I got out of my car and just stared at the duck for a second and then said “What?!”. I’m not sure what I was expecting. It just stared at me like I was a fool. Sure I was standing in front of a gas station questioning a duck, but who hasn’t? It didn’t take long for me to realize I probably looked like a moron, so I just made my way inside and hit up the ATM. I know it’s odd but while I was waiting for the machine to spit my money out, I kept looking outside to see if the duck was still there. I couldn’t tell. When I walked back out, it was gone.

So as it stands I’m apparently being stalked by a phantom duck. I could understand if I saw a random duck like once, maybe twice, but three times is really pushing it. I wonder what this duck wants. Maybe it is a mystical duck wanting to impart the wisdom of the universe to me for some reason. Maybe it is my dad reincarnated as a duck trying to tell me about the after life. Maybe it is some sort of assassin ninja duck sent to kill me by a cooperative of former girlfriends and ex-roommates who hate me so much they figured out a way to communicate with water fowl and train them to become amphibious killing machines with one thing on their mind -my death. Maybe it’s just coincidence too, but what fun is that?

RIGHT NOW

SONG – Crazy by Gnarls Barkley. A great song that has the makings of being the summer song of the year.

MOVIE – Million Dollar Duck. It’s an old Disney movie from the seventies with Dean Jones and Sandy ‘Glass Eye’ Duncan about a duck who is blasted with radiation and then gains the ability to lay golden eggs. Nothing kids love more then water fowl with radiation poisoning. It’s not a good movie at all but it’s the only duck related movie I could think of. And no, I didn’t forget about Howard the Duck. Million Dollar Duck is even better than that piece of crap.

Holla.

- Joel

www.chkona.com
www.myspace.com/joeldavidd

Hello.

Too often I read or hear things that provoke me to write things like I’m about to. It’s not that I have a temper, because I don’t, I just have an intolerance for some things. Wet socks, Toby Keith, root canals or any other of those things in life that really annoy me bring about the musings that follow. The latest thing to bother me? Something someone recently wrote that reaffirms my belief that people who are religious tend to exhibit a selfishness that is almost exclusive to so called followers of Christ.

I want to first say that I do believe in God. I’m not ashamed of it, but at the same time I can’t explain why I do. Maybe it’s the way I was brought up, or that by my saying I do, that I’m covering all my spiritual bases. I don’t know. I am not religious however. Religion, to me, is just the world’s biggest and most elaborate fan club. Churches are the spiritual equivalent of a Star Wars convention. You pay to get in (tithe), you hang out with people who are also fans of God, and occasionally you get free snacks. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with churches, or the people who go to them. It just isn’t for me. I like Star Wars but I’m not gonna dress up like a Wookie for a day just to feel better about myself or so I can be part of a fun little club.

Unfortunately it seems that in my limited experience on this Earth, that the ability to twist words and manipulate people’s beliefs are skills best honed at church. Well, church and or wherever anyone I’ve dated might be. You can say something is fact to someone who is religious and they will twist it to support their beliefs or use your words to attempt to make you feel bad. One of the two.

I was recently accused of taking part in “attacking someone because of their beliefs”. I respect beliefs, I just don’t respect someone who uses those beliefs to judge others or carry on with their sanctimonious nature. People should not use their religious beliefs to validate being judgmental or selfish.

How is it that the people who claim to love a selfless God can only talk about themselves or try to constantly get the point across that their life is super duper cool because of God? We all see your bumper stickers and your ‘quip-tastic’ signs on the front of your church. God is good. We get it. Now if you could go ahead and spend less time being sanctimonious and more time following the teachings of your God, we would all be a little happier.

The last thing anyone who claims to be so super close to God needs to do is talk about themselves and the trials and tribulations that got them to where they are. “My life was so horrible until I found God.” Or “If not for God I’d probably be dead or not be able to handle anything in my horrible pre-God life.” I have a feeling that those type of people were way more interesting pre-God. That and way less self involved.

The other thing that kind of gets me is when people constantly talk about their life before now, God or not. “Before I had kids I had a great life.” Or “Before I was married I did all these cool things.” Maybe you should have thought about that before you did either of those things. “But my life is so rewarding now with little Cody and my husband. I couldn’t be happier!” Yes you could. We all could. It’s just that you HAVE to be happy with the life you’ve carved out for yourself by deciding to mate. Just like everyone else who made that decision, or had an experience with a frat party indiscretion.

People who talk about the tragedies in their life, and how said tragedies make them question the existence of God, really need to understand that they aren’t the only people on this Earth. Life can suck and we all know it. Your tragedies are no more or less tragic than anyone else’s. It’s how one reacts to those tragedies that defines a person. Just talking about it does nothing. If you actually learned from it and you are a better person for it, great. Lesson learned. If the only thing you learned from your tragedy is that you have another tragedy to add to your ever growing arsenal of ‘pity me’ tales, then you learned nothing.

Does God make bad things happen? I don’t know. What I do know is that you can’t credit God with being all powerful and give him the credit for the good and the devil the blame for the bad. It’s all watched by God, no matter how much you’d like to blame it on the devil. Tornadoes, 9-11, tsunamis, death, life, everything is overseen by God. If you really believe that then don’t question it. Have some of that faith you keep talking so much about.

Before invoking the wrath of all religious people, let me make it clear that I am not referring to everyone who is religious or making the claim that all churches suck. Religion can be a good thing. Religious people as a whole are good people who just want a better life. It’s the ones who misuse their beliefs that I am talking about. I am talking about the shallow, self serving people with nothing more to offer this world than repeating the opinions of their equally shallow friends and family. I am referring to the people who mask their own disinterest in their own current lives so much so that they have to continue to talk about things that happened seven years ago because that is when their lives mattered. I am referring to the people who believe they have a God given right to judge all without seeing the fault in their logic. I am talking about those so overwhelmed with doubting their own faith they are too afraid to allow even the slightest bit of contrary opinion.

If any of what I’ve written applies to you, which for ninety-nine percent of the people reading this, it doesn’t, I just thought I’d share my opinion.

My blog. My writings. My outlet. My opinions. My wasting your time.

- Joel

I’m not sure at what point everyone begins to feel their age. If you’re anything like me, you feel a lot older than you should. This kind of came about today after telling a friend of mine that I got the new Pearl Jam album. He responded by saying “Pearl Jam? Aren’t they a bit nineties?” Holy sweet mother of an appropriate deity. Nineties? Crap. That was a long time ago but it seems like yesterday.

It only got worse when I heard some people over dinner tonight talking about the May 3rd tornado and how that was seven years ago. Seven freaking years ago? It seems like an hour ago when my girlfriend and I were driving around with some co-workers trying to get into south OKC and Moore because I lived there and so did my friends. Seven years ago. Wow. I guess it has been that long since I’ve been in love. That’s a pleasant thought. Then again being in love is so “nineties”.

I feel like I should have accomplished way more with the time on this Earth I’ve already had. I think that as of recent I should change my profession to “Professional Time Squanderer”. Want an example? This past weekend I spent about two hours finding cover art for all the albums I have on iTunes but have no artwork for. I have matching artwork now! The sad thing is that I don’t even own an iPod. Dammit I’m stupid.

It’s not that I don’t spend my time well, I just don’t spend it wisely. I spend either all of my time working or sleeping. If I had the same motivation for weight loss or meeting women or concentrating on moving and maybe actually doing something with my life, I might be a little happier. Sleeping is just so easy. It’s almost like shooting fish in a barrel. So remember what I said about sleeping if you ever come across a barrel full of fish and you are armed with a gun. Try shooting some fish in said barrel. Try not to shoot a hole in the barrel with your gun though because then the analogy doesn’t work. People don’t go around saying “That’s like shooting fish in a barrel but missing and you end up shooting a hole in the side of the barrel full of fish and all the water spills out then you can just pick the fish up off of the ground but you might have to pay the guy who owns the barrel something because you obliterated his barrel with your gun. But yeah. That easy.” People don’t say that at all.

In my short/seemingly long time on this Earth, I have been hurt and have hurt others. I have had people turn their back on me and I have turned my back on people. I have been both loved and hated. I have been homeless, carless, jobless and girlfriendless but never all at the same time. Cruel irony I suppose. Guess which one I don’t have now? I’ve loved those that I shouldn’t and been hated by those who said they loved me. I have lost a parent. I have been happy and sad about many things. I have been care free and careless. When it comes down to it I guess the good does outweigh the bad. I just wonder if the good is going to come back around again.

I’ve found my writing to be more entertaining when not left to my own thoughts. I don’t assume that by writing what I’ve written that anyone cares. I sometimes read people’s ramblings and just assume they are a self-involved, emotionally incompetent, individual throwing out the line of desperation in the hopes of getting a bite from the fish of hope. Then I read things like what I just wrote and want to punch myself. Fish of hope? What the hell is wrong with me? That is the lamest thing ever written. Fish of hope indeed.

My life is pretty sweet. I love my friends and my family. I don’t like my job, but who does? I can’t talk to girls, but that’s not a shocker. I’m not rich but I’m not poor. I just want to count is all. Perhaps I shouldn’t try to count by writing drivel that sounds like something copied from the well worn spiral notebook of a forty year old slam poet.

There. That made me feel better. Thanks for putting up with that. You can slap me the next time you see me if you want.

RIGHT NOW

MOVIE - Match Point - Two words Scarlett Johanssen.

SONG - Tom’s Diner by Suzanne Vega. Mostly so the chorus gets stuck in your head.

Holla.

- Joel

www.chkona.com
www.myspace.com/joeldavidd

I’m bored so I figured I’d write so you can read more than one entry from me today! YAY! Go you! Two entries of my blog in one day is like finding a penny. A cynical, lonely, fat penny.

For those of you who don’t know it yet, the OSU graduation is this Saturday in Stillwater. Giving the commencement address at the ceremonies will be the one and only President George W. Bush. Yes. That George W. Bush.

A friend of mine thought that whether or not you liked George W. that it was kind of cool that OSU got him to speak at their graduation ceremony. I have to disagree. The president can’t speak. He can talk though. There is a difference. That car from Knight Rider could talk but Martin Luther King Jr. could speak.

George W. Bush has the ability to emote about as much as a robot. “I’m the decider! Fight terror! Spread democracy! 9-11! Freedom!” He’s the human equivalent of those novelty farting key chains you can buy at Spencer’s in the mall. Press a button and hear a horrible noise.

It’s not that he’s just a horrible president, he is also a horrible person. He is blinded by his own beliefs, which is fine if that blindness didn’t cause the death of innocent people worldwide not to mention many young Americans who singed up to protect this country. They signed up to protect our freedom not to be Bush’s pawns.

This next part is for the OSU graduation planning committee. You have asked a man who will go down in history as one of the worst presidents this country has ever seen to impart words of wisdom on a bunch of young people who have paid thousands and thousands of dollars to attend your institution of so called higher education. This is a man, who if not for his being president, would be just another alcoholic businessman.

I just think he is a poor choice when it comes to finding one to impart wisdom. There are over two thousand dead soldiers at the time of this writing, which he is responsible for. This man is a killer and a liar and if those are the actions of one you want the future leaders of this country to emulate, then so be it. Then again those actions seem to help get George into office so maybe I’m wrong.

I would like to take this time to urge all of the students who disagree with this man speaking at YOUR graduation to stand up and leave when he takes the stage. People just like you have died because of his lies. I know it might seem a bit radical, but in reality it’s just standing up for what you hold to be true. This man has taken this country from us and as young adults it’s your time to make a difference. You’re gonna stand up and walk out at some point anyway so technically, you’re just leaving early. It might not make that much of a difference here but when the rest of the nation finds out that people in Oklahoma, the reddest of the red states, are tired of him and his dishonesty, maybe it will send a message. It’s time that people stop being Republican or Democrat or conservative or liberal and start being Americans. Let the rest of the country know that we stand together in our distrust of this administration.

Besides, you’ll have a really cool story to tell your kids.

- Joel

* THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE DAILY OKLAHOMAN, LOOK@OKC OR NEWSOK.COM*

In the past week I have done so many un-incredible things. I will now share some of them with you. You’re welcome.

I went to the Arts Festival and filmed some stuff for Look. It is kind of hard to be funny when I don’t have a wireless microphone. If anyone reading this has one laying around or wants to donate one to my cause, you can contact me through MySpace . Please help me. I’m not joking. I want to be funny for you people, and looking at me always makes people laugh, but my razor sharp wit cannot fully be expressed through physical comedy. It’s not my fault God made me so funny.

Jaqueline from Look was out there filming and couldn’t hold the camera still because she was laughing so hard. The sad thing is you probably won’t get to hear the hilarity because we are mic-less. Joey from Joey & Heather has a TV show called Gimme the Mic Oklahoma. How about you just give me a mic? I’m way funnier than anything on that show. I take that back.. I’m intentionally funnier.

My friends Brian and Robert and I played a game while we were out there. We decided to take a drink of beer every time we saw a lesbian couple. Holy lord. We were drunk after about three minutes. I’m glad we didn’t play the “Drink-every-time-you-see-crappy-art” game otherwise we would have died there.

Every time I go the Arts Festival I try to find the most useless item there. It didn’t take too long this year. I found a booth where a woman was selling canes wrapped with strips of leather and passing them off as Native American Walking Sticks. They were canes with leather on them. That was it. Nothing more than that I promise. What a scam.

The second most useless item was a 3-D painting of garbage. That’s right. Garbage. M&M wrappers and other assorted snack food wrappers in a frame. Yep. That was it. “So where do you find your motivation to do such heartfelt work?” “See that trash can over there? That’s where.”

A lot of the paintings made me think that there were a lot of Motel 6 rooms missing their wall art. We get it. Trees and a field. Beautiful. Just breathtaking.

The coolest thing there, I ended up buying. Was it a bronze sculpture of a naked lady or an elk? No. It was a rocket ship nightlight. I know I’m too old to have a nightlight but something about it drew me to it. I thought it was cool. Then again I own a rocket ship night light so my cool credibility should rightfully be in question.

Moving on.

There is a flier up where I work concerning taking donations from people for a battered women’s shelter. They are asking for clothes and toiletries. Nowhere on that list though is a face mask or boxing gloves or helmets. You would think that would be first on the list.

That’s going in my act, I don’t care what you think.

RIGHT NOW

SONG – Wasted Reprise by Pearl Jam. I love Pearl Jam. I know that shows my age because, as was recently pointed out by a friend of mine, that Pearl Jam is “…so nineties.” I like them anyway. I also like Swatch Watches, Crystal Pepsi and Reebok Pumps.

MOVIE – The Squid and the Whale – This movie is like a Wes Anderson movie only without the humor. Wes Anderson produced it so that might have something to do with it. It ain’t for everybody I’ll tell you that.

Holla.

www.chkona.com
www.myspace.com/joeldavidd