Happy Wednesday literate companions. I dunno where that came from. Yes I do. I was hanging out at Barnes & Noble and heard one of those ‘book type’ women say that. You know the type. The kind of woman who walks around the store with an eco-friendly canvas bag touting her political views on it. The type of woman who wears her grey hair in a bun and doesn’t wear make-up and wears a sweatshirt with a cat on it and some flowers over a white turtle neck and an ankle length denim skirt. That type of woman. So there’s that.
There seemed to be quite a bit of response given for my alluding to the connection between back tattoos on women and promiscuity by said women. It wasn’t a full on condemnation of all lower back tattoo sporting females. Just most of them. It is silly for me to say that all women with back tattoos exhibit the type of sexual behavior practiced by my ex-girlfriend, who, surprisingly, did not have a back tattoo but was a bit of a promiscuous creature. I wish she would have had a back tattoo but with all the time she spent on her back I guess it was hard for her to find the time. SNAP-A-ROO
Moving on.
I recently saw some video of myself and was appalled. I seem to have misplaced my neck over the past year. Of course by ‘misplaced’ I mean hid it under a layer of fat. So that being my motivation, aside from not having had a girlfriend since the last winter Olympics, not this past one but the one before, I have decided to get healthy. I will be documenting my weight loss on video for all of you who don’t care as it is. We’re going to call it Look @ OKC presents “Watch An Ugly Fat Guy Turn Into an Ugly Skinny Guy ”. It will be just like VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club but with less Bruce Vilanch and way more pseudo-celebrities like me. Speaking of being a celebrity, I wanted to address something Ogle related.
I recently found out that when you download my podcast through iTunes that you also get local news legend Kelly Ogle’s editorials ‘My Two Cents’ whether you want them or not. Let me say this Mr. Ogle. Stop riding my coattails! When people want to download some jackass with a mic, me, they don’t want thought provoking editorials given by someone who is a broadcast legend, you. They don’t want to hear someone who has years of journalistic experience and a real broadcasting job. No. They want to hear me and my friends ramble on and on about things that not many people understand. People don’t want something rife with journalistic integrity. They want to hear me talk about getting drunk. Now that’s something. So don’t think you’ve pulled one over on me good sir. I’ve got my eye on you. I would have said ‘eyes’ but after that knife fight in Bangkok I had, sadly, it’s eye. That’s my two cents.
I really should have followed the advice given to me by my father before he died. “Never provoke an Ogle.” he said. Wise words from a man who died after provoking a gaggle of Ogles.
No transition, just more ramblings. Here goes.
I went to the movies yesterday and noticed that one of the candy items they were selling was the Batman Begins Chewable Sour Candy. That movie came out a long time ago. I know it’s silly to talk about the quality of a movie theater’s concession stand, but they could at least update their movie related candy products. Since they didn’t have anything recent I just went ahead and ordered the ‘Jurassic Park Jujubees’ and the ‘Demolition Man Twizzlers’. Those were Stallone-a-riffic. It was kind of cool because I got Wesley Snipes to sign my box. He was already working behind the counter so it wasn’t too much of an inconvenience for him.
Now it’s time to get all weird.
I was putting in some TV time yesterday and found a show called Hi-5. It’s a show for kids. I mean like really young kids. Why did I end up watching about ten minutes of that show? Her name is Jennifer Peterson-Hind. Have a look.
They really shouldn’t put women that look like that on a kids show. She seems to be pretty talented too. I mean she showed as much talent one can muster when singing to a crowd of six year olds. If anyone would like to tell me if it is creepy that I ended up watching a show meant for kids for all the wrong reasons, don’t judge me. I am going to be shallow and dub her the hottest cast member of any kid’s show ever. That is barring any kid’s show on Univison or Telemundo.
So that means I watch Spanish TV and I’m not Hispanic and I watch a kid’s show and I’m far from a kid. I really need to lose weight so I can back down to dating weight. Joel needs a girlfriend and a life. Not really in that order either.
“Joel you always talk about how women shouldn’t be objectified yet you go ahead and talk about how attractive some girl on a kid’s show is.” Yeah, well I don’t think women should be objectified but I’m also not stupid. That girl is crazy hot. Sorry. If that makes me seem shallow then so be it. I’ve been called worse. Now understand that I say she looks hot but there is a better than good chance the she is not funny. That’s a huge deal for me. I’ve yet to find a woman who can make me laugh that isn’t already married or hasn’t spit on me. So yeah. There’s that.
In an effort to make the ‘Joel Experience At Look @ OKC’ the interactive entertainment juggernaut I know it is about to become, I am going to start something called ‘Joel’s Poll’. I will solicit for comments at the beginning of each week to be covered on the audio podcast. It could range from everything from people’s favorite cheese to people’s favorite Ralph Macchio movie involving karate. Just be ready people. It’s gonna be as funny as I’ll get out.
March is ‘Frozen Food Appreciation Month’. Today, the frozen food I am most appreciative of is…..
BEN AND JERRY’S DAVE MATTHEW’S BAND MAGIC BROWNIE ICE CREAM!
RIGHT NOW
SONG - Rocky Racoon by the Beatles off of the White Album - This song, for some reason, is one of the most heartbreaking songs I’ve ever heard. I’m not trying to depress anyone. It’s just a really good song is all. Sorry.
MOVIE - V for Vendetta. If you aren’t pissed about the current state of the country and all things Bush related, go see this movie. That ought to do it for you.
Holla.
- Joel David
www.chkona.com
www.myspace.com/joeldavidd