Good Monday.
“Where have you been Joel?” I’ll tell you. Let’s start with Thursday. I moved from Norman to Oklahoma City. I have lived in Norman for almost seven years. I love that town. It’s the best place outside of Oklahoma City and Edmond to be rich and white. I’m not either of those so that’s why I say that. Purely observation. Back to talking about what I hadn’t started talking about yet.
I loathe moving. I hate every single aspect of it. Next time I move I’m gonna hire someone to do it for me. That’s pretty much the same approach my ex-girlfriend took when she hired that man hooker for herself with money I gave her. It wasn’t some sort of kinky thing it’s just I really believed she needed fifty bucks and three hours alone with some guy named Tyrone because she told me he was a contractor. I should have asked why he was only wearing a tool belt and a hard hat and why they had to meet at a Motel 6 but I’m stupid.
My roommate Jacob and my friend Adam helped me move. We knocked it out in less than four hours. The problem is that I over did it. I’m not in the best shape, unless you consider best shape to be a blob. I could barely move by Thursday night. I hadn’t even unpacked yet and still had St. Patrick’s Day to look forward to. Damn you Irish Christmas! (That’s what I call St. Patrick’s Day.)
What better way to follow up a day of strenuous moving then by spending the day beating my liver with green beer. I awoke Friday morning at seven a.m. to go to O’Connells in Norman. That’s the best place to get drunk by noon. Well there or behind a 7-11. There’s way more hot girls at O’Connells though.
I started drinking about ten-thirty. It took me three and a half hours to get to O’Connells because I was so sore from moving. I know you didn’t ask but I figured I’d explain myself to the person who reads this, so basically me.
Here are some quick highlights from my trip, in no particular order.
- Met a great girl from Dibble whose name I can’t remember but I remember her dog’s name. My memory is bad enough as it is without green dye and alcohol gumming up the works. DAMN YOU ALCOHOL!
- Saw a poker playing midget. I’m not lying.
I’ll be doing a podcast on my whole St. Patrick’s Day adventure. Check that out. I can totally wait too.
So let’s move on. I want to talk about how the Southside OKC Wal-Mart isn’t as bad as you might think. “Why not?” you ask. There are few places on Earth where racists and minorities come together under one roof. Value apparently allows people of limited education and an abundance of hate to set aside their white trash, racist, ways just to get a good value on chicken strips. I have never seen more people with southern flag tattoos shopping side by side with people they claim are ruining this country.
Now I’m not judging EVERY person with a southern flag tattoo by assuming they are racists. It is difficult to refute though. That’s like making an assumption about all women with back tattoos. It’s impossible that they are all promiscuous. Right?
Now that I’ve talked bad about everyone from racists to hot girls, in honor of frozen food appreciation month, it’s time to tell you all the frozen food I appreciate today….
RIGHT NOW
SONG - Perfect Situation by Weezer. The video for this song is good because Elisha Cuthbert is nice to look at but really brutal on the ears.
MOVIE - Election. Still Reese Witherspoon’s best performance.
Happy birthday Jonathan. Well, day after your birthday, but you get the point. I’m a horrible brother.
Holla.
- Joel
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www.myspace.com/joeldavidd