Good morning people.
I know that to complain about the shady nature of auto mechanics is as constructive as complaining about the president. It sure is fun though, so here goes.
Last week my transmission went out. I took it to the transmission place and they told me it would take four business days and $850.00. I haven’t spent that kind of money in that short amount of time since the last time I ordered a mail order bride. I have ordered a lot of mail order brides. They really should cut holes in the box before they ship them.
So I dropped my car off last Thursday morning. I called there Friday to question whether or not the $850.00 was a firm price, just to be sure. They told me they had pulled the transmission and that they noticed the clutch was pretty worn down. They told me it would be wise to replace the clutch while they had the transmission pulled to avoid paying at least another $400.00 down the road at some point. When I questioned how much extra that would run me they told me $280.00. Now I’m looking at a bill of over a grand. I don’t have $850.00 let alone another $280.00 to throw down on my ride. Despite what you think, writing a blog pays nothing. Probably because you can’t put a price tag on the type of comedic genius I periodically provide you. I’ll put a price on it though. By my calculations $1130.00 ought to cover it.
I told them that I couldn’t afford the clutch right now and they told me they would just go ahead and fix the transmission. That’s awful big of them. For that kind of money I should get my transmission fixed and Jennifer Love Hewitt’s home phone number.
I waited all weekend and was expecting a call on Monday about my car. No call. That didn’t matter though because there were two episodes of ‘24′ on and that kind of made up for it. Well not really but dammit if this isn’t the best season of that show. Ok. Back to my story that matters not.
I call them yesterday, the fourth of the four business days I was told it would take. The guy says “Well we’re still waiting on goodies from the Honda place.” I’m glad I took my car to a place that is so credible that the mechanics refer to car parts as goodies. What an enchanted garage this must be. I swear that better be on my invoice. Labor - $400.00 Goodies - $450.00. He told me to give him a call today ‘after lunch’. Based on what I imagine a mechanic’s lunch time being that could mean anytime after noon but not before four.
I guess I shouldn’t be pissed about my car being in the shop. I don’t have the money to go out and do anything now anyway. My time is best spent concocting ways to make a lot of money, fast. I won’t say what idea I’ve come up with but the most promising so far rhymes with ‘keth mab’. I’m no good at science though so that probably wouldn’t work out too well.
I still have a car I can drive, compliments of my brother. I gave him my old car and he said I could drive it until I got my car back. I hate to repeat myself. I hate to repeat myself but that car is the biggest piece of crap. I’m 6′ 3″ and my head touches the ceiling. You know how you see someone driving a car way too small and you laughed at that guy. That was more than likely me. When I told my friend Thomas I had got a new car he said “Good. Now it won’t look like you’re wearing your car.” Almost all of my friends are smart asses.
Now that I’ve wasted a whole lot of your time with another tale of the mundane, I’ll wrap this up.
March is frozen food appreciation month so if you see some frozen food walking down the street, shake his or her hand and thank them for all they do.
The frozen food I appreciate today is………………….
COOKED WINTER SQUASH!
RIGHT NOW
SONG - Nasty Boy by Dj Cappel and Smitty off of Blue Eyes and Bed Stuy. I’m not one to usually condone the mashing of two types of music because it usually doesn’t work. When it does work though I can’t help but notice it. Check out the track at www.myspace.com/blueeyesmeetsbedstuy because this is one of the best I’ve ever heard. I love Frank and I love Biggie and never the twain shall meet unless it is dope beyond reproof. This is some pretty beyond reproof dopeness right here. Also, I’m white and therefore am not an authority on anything cool so you make the call.
MOVIE - Pulp Fiction. I watched that movie again recently and it is amazing how good that movie is. I would put that in my all time top ten list. However I would probably put Sideout on that list too so keep in mind what a complete and utter pop culture non-authority I am.
Holla.
- Joel