Good day faithful reader.
I know it has been a few days since I’ve written and you just don’t know what to do with yourself. What’s that? You’ve been getting along just fine without my idiocy laced blog? Oh. Time to take up heavy drinking again.
So I have to plan a trip. Not because I want to but because all of my friends are going somewhere fantastic. Peer pressure dictates I must go somewhere. Dwight and Sarah are going to Europe. Scott is moving to Germany. My friend Brian just moved to Dallas. My friend Legarda is going to Mexico. My roommate is in NYC. My family is going to Argentina. Right now all I can maybe do is afford to go as far as Lawton. And that’s a big maybe. Perhaps I should though. Perhaps I should take a trip to the thriving metropolis that isn’t Lawton. I mean I’ve been to a Love’s before but never a Love’s in Lawton. Whoo-boy does that sound that like not fun.
Super bowl sucked otherwise I would write about that. I just don’t like football and don’t want to talk about the three funny commercials. Remember the good old days when there was a chance you might get flashed? Yeah. That was a simpler time.
My friends Jason, Chad and Jacob and myself are getting ready to start recording a weekly podcast. That way you can all finally hear the voice that is attached to the enormous head from which comes the writings you all know and hate come from. I’ll post a link when that happens. I think this will be a great way to get our names out there so maybe someone who is looking for funny radio personalities can stop looking once they hear us. I’m talking to you anyone who is in charge of Oklahoma radio. Aside from Rick & Brad there is little to get excited about in this market. Sorry Joey & Heather and Jack & Ron and Phil & Drew or whomever else thinks they are funny. Then again, they have a show and I don’t so that kind of puts me in my place.
I think I am going to block MTV from my cable. Not for moral reasons but more because I’m tired of watching Next or Date My Mom. It’s not my fault I’m weak and have the television viewing habits of a teenage girl. I can’t help it! Damn you MTV!
So get ready for some anti-Bush rambling. It’s been while since I’ve done that so I’ll make this one short. In the State of the Union Address he said that we need to limit our dependance on foreign oil. That’s like Phillip Morris telling us to stop smoking. Man I really don’t like that guy. He’s so stupid. Like bordering retarded stupid. It’s just incredible.
See. That wasn’t so bad. Wait. I’m not done. President Bush being at Coretta Scott King’s funeral is pretty bad. I guess he thinks showing up at a civil rights pioneer’s funeral should undo all the racial damage done by Katrina. “See black people. I ain’t a bad guy. I came to a funeral! Try to forget that my administration treated you all in a way we secretly think about you anyway.” Yes. I’m saying the president is racist. Like a lot of people in power in are. Don’t believe me? Well ok. Maybe racist is a bit harsh of an implication. Who cares though? I’m just some blog guy who points out the obvious.
Alright let’s get to something more light-hearted. I am thinking about getting a tattoo. Not because I really want one but that I think that if I got one I would kind of up my bad ass quotient to -4 instead of where it stands now which is at -5. I’m like the least manly bad ass dude ever. I don’t own any tools and can’t work on a car. I don’t go to strip clubs or objectify women. I don’t own any porn. I cry at movies. I’ve never even been in a fight. Maybe I’m gay. But that can’t be it. I love women. It’s like a love hate relationship I have between myself and all women. They hate me. Perhaps a tattoo would remedy that because they would think I’m all bad and stuff. “Oh cool. What do you have a tattoo of?” Wait. Now that I think about it I really don’t want a woman who is attracted to tattoos. I mean that’s not a bad thing but I just don’t want to date a woman who considers permanent ink under one’s skin an aphrodisiac.
I guess you could say I have kind of an eclectic taste in women. The other night I was watching Jimmy Kimmel and he had on Jessica Alba. By all accounts she is one of the hottest women on Earth. My roommate turned the channel to Conan and he had on Sara Vowell who by all accounts isn’t one of the hottest women on Earth. We kept it on Conan because I would rather hear Sarah Vowell talk than see Jessica Alba because the odds of her saying something funny and witty aren’t good. Now if there was some sort of Alba-Vowell hybrid, then we’re talking.
So since it is Black History Month I am going to give you guys a real Black History fun fact. Is this a result of white guilt? Maybe. It’s actually more because I think black people are way cooler than white people. It’s true crackas and you know it. Here is the first Black History Fun Fact.
African American baseball player Josh Gibson is considered by many to have been a better baseball player than Babe Ruth. In his short lifetime Josh Gibson hit 962 home runs, and hit 84 of those in one year. His lifetime batting average was .391. Unfortunately Gibson died at the age of thirty-five of a massive stroke. Some believe the stroke was the result of never having been able to play in the major leagues.
RIGHT NOW
SONG - Upside Down by Jack Johnson off of the Curious George soundtrack. - I highly recommend this album because I love Jack Johnson. See. I really do need a tattoo.
MOVIE - The Upside of Anger - It will make you glad that you are not a drunk forty-something. If you are you should probably watch this movie and learn a lesson.
That’s all I got people. I know that wasn’t stellar by any means but it’s all I got.
Holla.
- Joel