Good afternoon.
I’ve read the past few entries I’ve put and whoo boy is that depressing. I don’t even have the courage to talk to a girl and I also ramble on at almost two am. I swear I wasn’t drunk.
Alright. We’ll go ahead and keep this one light hearted. No crap about my personal life that will bring someone down. Let’s just talk about good things.
Someone commented on one of my previous entries that ‘What doesn’t kill you make you stronger.’ That’s true unless of course what you’re using to make you stronger is a grizzly.
I just went to Starbucks and picked up some coffee. Well it was actually a Venti White Chocolate Mocha but I digress. Anyway I think they were having a GLAAD meeting in there today. It was super gay up in there. I can’t really talk though because I’m listening to George Michael right now. I also can’t talk because when one spends as much time at home as I do, one tends to do stupid things. For instance I hadn’t shaved in like a week so I had a full on beard. Last night, because, surprise surprise, I was home on a Saturday night, I decided to give the ol facial hair a trim. I was feeling stupid, as I oft do, which leads to many questionable decisions. I made the decision to go ahead and trim the ol beard up but shave my chin so I have this weird mutton chop moustache thing going. It’s the type of facial hair design that says to people ‘I am creepy.’ even though I’m not. Kind of like this guy.
Ok so it’s not that bad but it definitely looks pretty gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that but I think it’s time to whip out the ol razor again. I’ve never been one to be able to pull off facial hair. I can pull off a beard I guess but not before it gets all Grizzly Adamsy. I can pull off sideburns but then I look all old Elvisy. A moustache is out of the question because I’m not Tom Selleck. He had a sweet stache. Now that I think about every lead male character on Magnum P.I. had a moustache. Huh. So yeah, I went to Starbucks. That was my story.
What do women think of facial hair? Let me know.
So Chris ‘Birdman’ Anderson is out of the NBA. That’s not good because he was all about hooking my friend up with tickets and stuff. Maybe he thought my friend was a drug dealer though. Who knows? Who cares?
Let’s see. I’m trying to think of something funny and non-political to talk about. Is this a sign that as a writer I have hit a brick wall? Have I ‘Earnhardted’ as a writer? Oh I hope not. So many of you depend on me to bring you the only joy you have in your life. At least that’s how I look at it. If I can make one person laugh then I have done my job. Also if I have pissed off right wing soccer moms that’s also part of my job. I know you didn’t know that but it is. Let me get that part of my job out of the way right now. Remember when you were pretty? There. That ought to do it. That was harsh. Soccer moms need loving too. That’s what illegal immigrant pool boys are for.
YOWZA!
I have been really non-productive lately. It’s not my fault MTV runs ‘Next’ for twelve hours on a Saturday. That show is so bad but it sucks you in. I have this weird psychic ability where I can predict who the person will end up with almost every time. It’s the most useless psychic ability ever. If you have an actual real life and aren’t familiar with the show ‘Next’ it’s a dating show on MTV where one person gets to pick from five different people to go on a date with. They time the date and at the end of the date the main person who does the picking asks the person if they would like to go on a second date with them or take a dollar amount equal to a dollar for each minute the date lasted. Here’s the twist though! The person picking can ‘next’ the person they are on a date with and meet the other people on the ‘Next’ bus. I didn’t mention that there is a ‘Next’ bus? Well there’s a bus. So there. Anyway, the premise is simple enough but it is so entertaining. If you get in a horrible car accident or are bed ridden or your remote breaks or you like crappy TV you should watch it. It’s more than just a subpar dating show, it’s also a brutal commentary on how low our society has fallen. When I see the women on that show I’m kind of glad I’m single. If that’s what I have to pick from then I’m out. I’ll just go ahead and ‘Next’ myself right back to being alone.
So rap superstar Mike Jones is gonna be performing at The Farmers Market. Yeah! That Farmer’s Market! So you can add that to the list of places I won’t be going. It’s not so much that I don’t like Mike Jones it’s just a not wanting to be in the wrong place at the wrong time type of deal.
So it looks like Brokeback Mountain is gonna be up for quite a few Oscars. I just talked to a friend of mine who said that it wasn’t very good. He said the gay thing didn’t bother him but that some people in the theater were surprised to the point where they gasped or said “Oh no!” . The thing is he saw this movie yesterday. How could you not know what the hell was gonna happen when you bought the ticket? People are talking about it so much you would think it is the only movie out right now. Ok. It’s a cowboy movie where a dude does another dude. There ya go. No surprises. Let it go.
Well that’s all from Joel Central. That’s what I call the room I keep my computer in. It’s not as fantastic as you would think.
RIGHT NOW
SONG - Comanche by Cake off of Motorcade of Generosity. Love the song. Love the album. Love the group. I also love actual cake but not the kind with the crappy frosting on it. Just in case you’d planned on baking me a long overdue but well deserved cake.
MOVIE - About Schmidt. It makes you realize that life is good and everything will be fine. Seriously.
Holla.
- Joel