Good evening OKC.
I just found out another good friend of mine has made the jump to another state. B-Mack is bailing. He is going to be a Texan in a few short weeks. This saddens me for two reasons. The first is that Brian is a really good friend and I will miss his company. The second is that I am still here. Nothing against Oklahoma but I would really like to live in another state for a while. A state where no one knows me and how pathetic I am. A state where I have a chance to make something of myself instead of a random blogger and subpar standup comedian. There are chances here for what I would like to do and I appreciate all of them and fully intend to take full advantage of them. I guess I’m just kind of in an Okie funk right now which is also the name of my band. I don’t know how to play any instruments or anything but that is what the name of my imaginary band is.
So I am calling for a boycott of all things Ford and GM. These two companies are making record profits and in turn are screwing over the working class of this country. Come on, most of us are members of the working class whether we like it or not. That’s someone just like us who is losing their job so that a large company can make their stock go up a quarter point. Besides, boycotting all things Ford includes Toby Keith and I already boycotted that guy a long time ago. It was shortly after my Toby Keith boot removal surgery that I decided he was hasty in his boot planting. I look nothing like Osama Bin Laden. Well not in the face so much as the robes and turbans I wear.
I talked to my friend Scott more when he was in Iraq than I do now. As far as I know he is state side. It’s odd how when someone is at war they have the time to e-mail regularly but then they get home and can’t pick up a damn phone. You hear me Scott?! I’m talking to you! Wait a minute. That’s not fair. He is near alcohol now so I fully understand.
So back to the friends who have moved out of state so far. David is in Denver. B-Mack is going to Dallas. Shannon is in Houston. Scott will be in Germany by July. My roommate will probably be in New Jersey by the end of the year. It’s time to make a plan I suppose. A plan that involves me going somewhere. Damn it feels good to not have any prospects.
Sorry people. I’m a little down and I dunno why. Oh yeah. I haven’t punched a hobo in a while. That cheers me up like nothing else. Well that and some make out time behind a Target with a stranger but I mistakenly combined the two once and had a ‘Brokeback’ moment I’d rather not talk about. I wish I could quit you Clyde the Wino.
AT&T is using an Oasis song in it’s commercials which pisses me off because I love Oasis but hate AT&T. It’s like finding a Nazi attractive. You like her and all but deep down she’s just pure evil. Actually it’s nothing like that but I like comparing AT&T to the Third Reich whenever I get the chance.
So while we’re stuck on depression fueled cruise control let’s talk about Jenny for a second. I may have done this before but let’s assume I haven’t. Jenny was a friend of mine from long ago. I first met her when she was thirteen and I was sixteen. I found out that she had a crush on me. I thought thirteen was too young so I just remained friends with her. For years and years we talked and we had a lot in common and I truly enjoyed her company but there was the age thing. I dated one of her friends who turned out to be a huge piece of crap. Jenny was there for me though. No matter what I was going through Jenny always seemed to be there. It was one of those things that in retrospect I should have noticed. Then I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
I was at work and noticed a girl I thought was attractive who shared the same last name as Jenny. I called Jenny and asked if she knew Amber and she said she wasn’t related to her. I was basically trying to get some inside information. Amber and I ended up dating and the night of the May 5 tornado Jenny paged me. Amber called her back and pretty much told her to go to hell. I haven’t talked to Jenny since and it is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
There was one time I was with Amber at the fair, which I hate. The fair not Amber. Actually I take that back. I hate Amber just a little more than the fair. Jenny walked by and said hi and I said hi and Amber got all pissed wanting to know who that was and gave me the third degree and that was that.
A few years ago I was at my brother’s graduation and Jenny’s sister was graduating with JP, my brother. I saw her there but she was with some bald headed weird dude who was obviously her boyfriend. I, being the confident person I am, didn’t say a word to her. She was as beautiful as I remembered. She smiled at me but that was it.
My brother told me where she works and I have thought about going in there many a time to see how she is or whatever. The problem is that it’s a girl’s apparel store. No need for me to be in there. Besides I look a lot different and love to talk myself out of possible happiness.
I would hate to make an ass of myself. Besides she’s probably engaged or married or has kids or something. I’ll leave it at that smile I got. That’s the best way I think.
I think that in my life I either meet people I could see myself with when it is too late or I ended up blowing it somehow. I can name a few people who I know I had a chance with, and I would have been happy with, but I blew it. The other people are married to some undeserving guys but that’s just my opinion.
Understand I’m not pining for someone I can’t have, I’m just letting the four people who read this know that I am a guy who has had many a missed chance and tends to dwell. That’s not too mature of me is it? That was rhetorical.
If you really want to get down and depressed read the last few paragraphs while listening to The Counting Crows song ‘Colorblind’. I just did and I think I’m going to shoot myself. I don’t own a gun though so I guess I’ll just have to sit in my car with the engine running. I tried that once but it turns out you have to be in a garage. I’m so stupid sometimes.
So let’s move on. I don’t want to use this blog as a virtual bar with everyone who reads playing the role of uncaring but sympathetic bartender. Sorry about that people.
I noticed that someone had a picture of Michael Jordan on their last entry. Damn that’s cool. The biggest celebrity I’ve ever been that close to is Toby Keith and I just yelled at him. I met Screech once so I guess I’ll put a picture of him on here. Besides, Toby works for Ford and Dustin Diamond drives a Ford Escort so there is kind of a connection.
I really hope that the Hornets stay here. I love going to the games and I like that OKC has something like this. Finally. I saw Chris “Birdman” Anderson at the Loony Bin the other night and he was super cool. It’s nice to have some real sports here finally. And no, I’m not forgetting about the Sooners. It’s nice to have a team to rally around that doesn’t involve the word ‘boomer’.
So I guess that’s all for now. I’ve kind of trashed the Sooners, Toby Keith and my personal life. This week can only get better from here. I hope. I just get the feeling there is a crimson and cream boot headed for my ass even as we speak.
RIGHT NOW
SONG - Murder of One by the Counting Crows. Maybe listening to the Counting Crows and trying to be light hearted and witty aren’t the best mix of things.
MOVIE - Smack it up, Flip it and Rub it Down : The Bell Biv Devoe story. This movie doesn’t exist but I wish it did.
NEW FAVORITE SHOW - Gigantor. I stumbled across Cartoon Network late last night at 3am and saw this show that is so incredibally entertaining and bad at the same time. It rivals only Speed Racer as my favorite Japanese cartoon. I found that you can get all the Gigantors on DVD for eighty bucks. Time to crack open that piggy bank I don’t have and do some online purchasing. Man is that show good.
Holla.
Rest in peace Nice Guy Eddie.
- Joel David