Good afternoon.
So this is the last entry of the year for your least favorite blog buddy. I have been doing a lot of retrospection in preparing for this entry. I could go ahead and steal everyone else’s idea of naming my favorite albums of the year and movies and the such. If I did that it would be a result of my total lack of creativity. So that’s what I’m going to do. That should tell you quite a bit about how creative I’m not. The following is in no particular order and is just my opinion so, as with most things I do, it’s probably wrong and illegal in some states.
Let’s start off with dead celebrities from 2005. A lot of great talents died this year such as Johnny Carson, Richard Pryor, Mitch Hedberg and Ossie Davis. But what about those talents that didn’t get the respect they deserve when they passed away? Like Gordy the seal who played the title character ‘Robbie’ in the German children’s show ‘Hallo Robbie’. I’m sure his death made a lot of captive sharks happy. I can’t believe we looked past the loss of professional whistler Baroness Lips von Lipstrell. When she died so did a part of my soul. Well the part of my soul that truly enjoys whistling died so it really wasn’t that much of a loss. We also lost Chinese actress Li-li li which made me very sad sad sad. That being the worst joke of the bit I’ll go ahead and move on for your sake.
As far as my favorite movies of the year, there are so many to not choose from. In a year that saw Samuel L. Jackson’s worst movie ‘The Man’ and crap like ‘Yours, Mine and Ours’ it’s good that a few movies still stood out. My pick for best movie of the year is ‘Crash’. This movie was phenomenal and if Matt Dillon does not get the best supporting actor Oscar it will be a crime. Well not as bad a crime as say murder or Ashley Simpson singing but you get my drift.
I also enjoyed 40 year Old Virgin quite a bit but everyone seems to be overlooking Wedding Crashers. That movie had the funniest line of the year. “I felt like Jodie Foster in the Accused in there last night.” I laughed harder at that one line than any episode of Friends. Yes. Any.
I would also have to throw ‘War of the Worlds’ in there. I liked that movie a lot. This movie made me want to have the power to make people disappear by vaporizing them like in the movie. “What’s that? You don’t want to give me your phone number because you think I’m creepy?” -POOF- “Uh, I gave you a ten and you only gave me change back for a five. No, seriously.” -POOF- That would be awesome.
So let’s get to music since I know none of you care anyway. In no particular order………
James Blunt’s ‘Back to Bedlam’ is an album wrought with emotion and true love lorn anguish. The most emotional song on the album is ‘Goodbye my Lover’. Good luck sitting through that and trying not to cry. I couldn’t do it. I’m a huge wuss though who has been known to tear up at movies and even some commercials. I swear I’m not a woman or gay but that makes it really hard to refute when I tell you people things like that. By people I mean the two people who read this.
Dangerdoom’s The Mouse and the Mask is a great hip-hop album that features characters from Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim. It is the best rap album of the year. I can’t really say anything more than that about it. The highlight tracks are ‘El Chupe Nibre’, ‘The Mask’,‘Old School Rules’ and ‘Vats of Urine’. That’s right. I said vats of urine. That’s also the only time today you’ll read those words. If not then you are either really unlucky or have a strange fetish I’d rather not know about.
Coldplay’s X&Y album was good. It’s not as good as ‘Rush of Blood’ but it does solidify Coldplay as one of the greatest bands of my generation. Also, if I keep saying nice things about Coldplay, maybe lead singer Chris Martin’s wife, Gwyneth Paltrow, will read this and think I’m a nice guy so that way if they ever get a divorce I’ll be on her list of rebound boyfriends. I’ll probably be on that list right after Carrot Top and right before Dustin ‘Screech’ Diamond. There’s a chance. Not a good one though but I’m trying to be positive about things.
The White Stripes ‘Get Behind Me Satan’ is a great album and has spawned some great music videos. Any band that appears on Conan as the musical guest for a week is doing something right.
Jack Johnson’s ‘In Between Dreams’ is the best album to come along in a while because it makes me want to relax. I’m not known for my ability to relax. I’m not high strung I’m just high stressed. This album is the perfect Sunday afternoon album. Also, the song ‘If I Could’ is one of the best songs about life and death I’ve heard in some time.
So now that you know I can’t write very well about music and movies, let’s see if I fare any better at writing about myself. I bet I can’t but I’m gonna try.
Let’s start with some personal highlights. Comicfest was good. I have never worked so hard for so little but enjoyed myself more. I love producing shows and performing. Perhaps I can produce a show where I just go ahead and tell jokes. What’s that? No one would show up? That’s what I thought.
I got a new car. That’s a great thing for me because what I was driving was not dependable and worth less than a bike. Kind of like my last girlfriend. The only difference between my last car and my last girlfriend is that my car didn’t cheat on me with a Mexican dude. At least I don’t think it did.
I made some new friends. Some are divas and others aren’t. It’s good though because I could use new friends. Nothing against the friends I have but most of them are imaginary and very critical of me. Yes you are. Don’t argue with me! See.
I had two friends get married this year which was cool. Both Jason and Billy are great friends of mine and I’m really happy for both of them. I will say that of the two weddings, I got way too drunk at Jason’s. His reception was at Makers and they have Chimay which means I had Chimay which means I got really drunk. I was driving home and got half way there before I realized I should have probably not been driving. I stopped at my other friend Jason’s house and sobered up. The bad thing was is that I don’t think I’ve been that drunk before five in the afternoon ever. I mean it. Wasn’t that a stupid story? I thought so too.
I started this blog thing which is probably the best thing to happen to me in a while. I have written more since I started doing this than ever before. I actually learned to read and write just to be able to write this blog. Before this thing came along I was an illiterate moron. Now I’m just a moron.
So that’s about all I got for this year. I am going to go ahead and give you guys something none of you have been asking for. I have been faceless this whole time until now. You will find now a picture of me. You’re welcome and have a happy New Year faithful reader.
- Joel
