Good morning OKC.
I did something I don’t normally do yesterday. “Talked to a girl?” Shut up you! No. I went to the movies. I don’t normally like going to the movies for a plethora of reasons. The main one, as is the case with why I don’t do many things, is people.
When Kill Bill came out my roommate and I went to go see it the night it opened. We were sitting in the very back row of a packed theater. We were more than half way through the film when some dude a few rows in front of us gets on his cel phone. It didn’t ring, he just thought he would start calling people. The theater was packed and people kept telling him to be quiet and he would just get louder. I finally went to go find the manager and a few minutes later the manager came and got him and escorted him out of the theater. As he was leaving he looked at me and my roommate and yelled “Gay ass motherf—ers!” At least that what I think he said. I t was hard to understand what he was saying because Jacob and I were making out.
That was a joke Aman. Calm down.
Against my usually pretty good judgement, I went with Adam to go see King Kong yesterday. So we get into the theater and the commercials start. Ten minutes worth. Not previews mind you, but commercials. Commercials for cel phones and drinks and kids with cancer and the worst thing of all, Scott Stapp’s new album. “You think Scott Stapp is worse than kids with cancer?” Yes. I had to hear about 59 and a half seconds more of Scott Stapp’s voice than I can handle. I actually think my ears started bleeding.
So finally the previews start and it is amazing that Hollywood keeps churning out the same unoriginal crap year after year. The last thing to come out that was truly original was Sin City. Lucky for people who like crap, there is no shortage of that as far as movies go! There was an ad for another computer animated romp from the makers of Shrek featuring, you guessed it, cute little animals voiced by celebrities. I can totally wait! The only two movies that looked good were Miami Vice, which is directed by Michael Mann, and a movie that Spike Lee did with Denzel Washington and Jodie Foster. That was it.
What the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah. King Kong. I wasn’t? Well I am now so just go with it.
Everyone is going bananas over this movie. Pun intended. Guess what America. It’s not that good. Kong looked good. Naomi Watts looked even better but overall it was just ok. Nothing great about it. There were quite a few moments in the movie that I just couldn’t handle. Not that a movie about a twenty-five foot gorilla is shooting for accuracy, or that I’m some sort of authority, but I digress.
The most disconcerting thing about the movie wasn’t the size of the gorilla or a lost island full of some sort of zombie people and dinosaurs or the horrible deaths suffered by people by way of enormous bugs. All of that was ok and slightly believable. Slightly. The moment where I knew it was going too far was the scene where Kong and Naomi Watts play on the ice rink in Central Park. I’m not kidding. I haven’t seen a scene in a movie that bad involving an ice rink since the D.B. Sweeney powerhouse, “Cutting Edge”. How’s that for an obscure reference?
Instead of going to see King Kong, allow me to recommend taking a trip to Quail Springs AMC 24 and going to see ‘Jesus is Magic’. Take the kids. They’ll love it. No really.
Moving on.
The president of Iran recently stated that he felt the Holocaust was a myth. I’ve heard white supremacists say the same thing. Look, if you people would think, just for a second. Where did six million people go? Also, what could possibly be gained from claiming there was a Holocaust? Why lie about that? It’s not like Jews gained anything other than heartache and sadness from the Holocaust. People are so stupid. It looks like we aren’t the only ones with a fool for president though. However, unlike ours, Iran’s president doesn’t hide his anti-Semitism. Hey it’s honesty about something horrible but at least he’s honest. That must be refreshing.
With Christmas a week away, it’s important to hone the skill of weeding out the good gifts from the bad. By gifts I mean people. This is the time of year when you can tell how much thought one did or did not put into your gift. Lucky for you I have nothing but time and apathy on my hands so I’ve compiled a barely funny, but easy to use, guide on how to tell how much thought goes into the gift you’ll get and what that says about what the person thinks about you.
If you are a woman who has a co-worker you think might like you, and he buys you a Louis Vuitton purse, he put a lot of thought and money into a way to best let you know he likes you. However if that purse is full of Polaroids of himself with nothing on but a Santa hat, he probably thinks way too much about you.
If you are a man and your buddy gives you a gift and you unwrap it to find a video iPod box, they put a lot of thought behind that gift. By thought I mean money. However if when you open the box to find only Taco Bell Hot Sauce packets, your so-called friend is an ass and probably hates you. It wasn’t funny Steve and you know it.
If someone burns you a CD of your favorite songs, and perhaps songs that are an indication of some inside jokes, that’s and indication of some thought being behind the gift. If the person gives you a blank CD and says “Burn whatever you want.” do just that. Only make sure you burn their house down too.
If someone gives you a McDonalds Arch card they really hate you and want to see you die a fat loser with McNugget breathe.
If your boss gets you a subscription to your favorite magazine, they probably put some thought behind it. However, when the first issue arrives at your house addressed to ‘Useless Employee #433′ you’re probably about to get fired.
Thing I’m thankful for today……….
My inability to determine if what I write is crap. Wait. I just read again what I’ve already written and yep, I can’t tell.
That’s all I got for today. I know it’s as weak as anything I’ll get out today. Sorry.
RIGHT NOW -
SONG - B-Boy Stance by the Freestylers. This is the song that most makes me want to dance battle a sucka. I’ll serve him up with some break dancing genius. Fuh real.
MOVIE - The Frighteners. Still Peter Jacksons’s best movie. Calm down nerds and ape lovers.
Holla.
-Joel