Good afternoon.
There is an article out now that asks the question ‘Would Jesus watch Narnia, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe?’. I’m glad someone is asking the hard hitting questions. If I were a betting man which I’m not, not because I don’t bet but because I’m not really a man, I would say that Jesus probably has better things to do. I e-mailed the Lord and got this as a response.
—– Original Message —–
From: Joel
To: Jesus@myspace.com
Sent: Friday, December 09, 2005 1:59 PM
Hey Lord. Joel here. Just wondering if you could tell me if you might watch the upcoming Narnia movie.
By the way lol about that Sarah Silverman video you sent me. That was great.
Anyhow, talk to ya later.
-Joel
—– Original Message —–
From: Jesus@myspace.com
To: Joel
Sent: Friday, December 09, 2005 2:40 PM
Subject: Re:
Hey Joel.
I can’t say whether or not I’ll be watching that movie. I usually don’t have time for such things. I’m pretty busy answering prayers. That takes a lot out of a guy. See, due to a policy here in Heaven, we don’t necessarily have to answer every prayer but we do have to read all of them. Let me tell you something, the things I have to read all day can get so trying. If you could go ahead and post on your blog the following things, this would really cut down on my work and maybe free up some time for me. I’ve got the three Harry Potter movies from Netflix still sitting on my entertainment center I haven’t watched yet. So as a favor, just go ahead and post the following answers to the most common prayers.
You’re not going to get a video iPod Joel so just stop. That goes for everyone else too.
You’re not getting Brad back Jennifer so stop asking.
Everyone is going to figure out you’re not talented Toby Keith, so stop asking. Be grateful you’ve made it this far.
No matter how many times you ask, I’m not helping you with Iraq, George. You did this to yourself. I gave you free will and you know my stance on lying so have fun. You lied your way into this thing so lie your way out.
I can’t change who you find attractive. I created you that way. You’ll just have to come out of the closet Pat Robertson. That goes for Jerry Fallwell too.
You’re never going to walk again kid. Stop asking. I’m not mean, I’m sorry. Sometimes things slip through the cracks. When your product output is in the billions, you’re gonna get a defective model now and again.
You’ll never be Oprah, Tyra, so just stop.
To all the rappers and sports stars out there. I have nothing to do with you getting a music award or scoring points. Stop thanking me for that. I actually have put Buddha in charge of answering all entertainment related praise so direct that at him.
That about wraps it up for now. As far as watching Narnia, I can’t anytime soon. I still haven’t seen the new Star Wars movies, but from what I understand they aren’t that good. I should be tied up for the next few years. You guys have no idea what’s headed your way. It’s gonna be something.
Thanks for mailing me Joel and keep in touch. Thanks for the birthday gift too. I’ve actually been thinking about buying a Chia pet for a while.
See you soon. j/k.
- Jesus
Son of God - Savior of Man - Public Notority
So there’s that. That ought to make some people mad. Well people who can’t take a joke.
RIGHT NOW
SONG - 3 MC’s and One DJ by the Beastie Boys. This is true turntable talent at it’s best.
MOVIE - Saved by the Bell Hawaiian Style - The best movie to reaffirm that Dustin Diamond is a scourge to all humanity.
Holla.
-Joel