Happy Thanksgiving everybody.
Nothing like a night of drowning sorrows in Chimay to cause me to start my entry with a truly heartfelt apology. B-Mack brought a friend of his, Christie, to Makers last night. She was having a bad day and she just needed to go out. When she got there she started throwing little verbal barbs at me. The problem is that when I drink Chimay my wit phaser is set to ‘annihilate’. I am quick witted but sometimes people aren’t ready for it. Chimay seems to destroy my ability to tell whether or not someone is joking. I’m not entirely what exactly it was that I said but I know that I made her bad day worse and I feel horrible about it. I would just like to apologize to her. I’m so guilt-ridden. To know that I’ve hurt someone I don’t even know that well is a feeling comparable to nothing. I would just like to say that I am really sorry.
Since it is Thanksgiving, and everyone is throwing loads of things they are thankful for in their entries, I will now also bow to the blog fueled peer pressure. I apologize. Without further time wasting, here is some wasted time for you by way of my words.
I would like to thank president Bush for being a shining example of ineptitude. Thank you for showing us that anyone can become successful despite an absence of a conscious or an inability to speak.
I would like to thank General Motors for showing us that profits are more important than people.
I would like to thank my ex-girlfriend for my inability to trust women. Also, thank you for providing me with the inspiration for the arch nemesis for the comic book hero I created, ‘Ricky Boombastic: the Big Headed Marauder from Zeflon 5′. It will be a great battle when Ricky meets the character based on you ‘Slutty McLoonypants’. I’ll send you the issue when it’s done.
I would like to thank the parents of my future wife. Thanks for not putting her up for adoption despite the mental problems and the arm growing out of her neck.
I would like to thank myself for being so damn funny. Thanks me.
Thanks to all the people who wait until I walk past them to start talking amongst themselves about how much I look like a rapist.
Thanks to Nick Drake, David Gray and James Blunt for making me cry through song. Thanks for making me a wuss guys.
I would like to thank all the people who comment on what I write. Without you I would have no other way of knowing whether or not I have wasted anyone’s time and made them laugh simultaneously.
So that was kind of boring and only slightly funny. You try writing something hilarious while guilt ridden and hung over.
RIGHT NOW
SONG- Wisemen by James Blunt off of the album Back To Bedlam - This album is quickly moving into the list of my favorite all time albums. Not that you care about that. I mean I’m an idiot.
MOVIE - Ed Wood - Johnny Depp’s best performance ever.
THING THAT I THINK IS MOST IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER TODAY- Remember to be thankful for all the families who don’t have the one they miss the most because they are serving in the military. Think of those who may have lost someone because of it. These people have had their lives changed in a way few of us will ever realize. Thank you to the sons and daughters. Thank you to the husbands and wives. Thank you to those of you who made a sacrifice that is greater than any imaginable. Thank you.
- Joel