Good day all.
So I was having an ok week until yesterday. Still plugging along at a job I hate, like most other Americans. Then it happened. An epiphany if you will. I realized that I am a fashion-less Satanist. Up until yesterday I had no problem wearing clothes from Wal-Mart as I bowed before the all powerful Satan at the altar I made myself. I’m not a committed Satanist though because I’m only sacrificing squirrels so far. You have to work up to babies. I found that out from a book called Satanism For Dummies. It’s pretty good.
So I’ve made a huge choice that I would like to share with all of you. I’ve decided to be gay. I am really attracted to women but they aren’t attracted to me so I figured why not try something new. I have made the choice to lead a gay lifestyle because, well, it’s just that easy. I was actually kind of surprised. Poof. Just like that I’m gay. I am all of a sudden attracted to men and have ignored over twenty years of being attracted to women. Just by choosing! Wow. This is easier than I thought. By simply CHOOSING to be gay I have become gay. I wish I’d have done this sooner. I guess I just never believed that people chose who they were attracted to, but I was wrong.
I was actually thinking about the first time I decided to be attracted to women. I was seven and there was a girl named Beth who I thought was pretty that was in my Sunday school class. I didn’t think she was attractive until I CHOSE to think so. I thought I was born liking women but nope. Turns out I CHOSE to like women. What a fool I was.
I think it will be interesting to be gay. I can finally start being ridiculed for the way I chose to be by people who have been given some sort of free pass to be judgmental because they believe in God. Muslims, Christians and pretty much any religion that preaches one thing and then uses that as an excuse to be judgmental because they believe in a higher power can all start hating me now. I can finally be hated for a good reason instead of all the other ones. That will make it much easier for close minded hypocrites to hate me. They won’t have to try to find something because, well, I’ve chosen to be gay. What a great choice this is!
If anyone really believes that please just go jump in front of a train right now.
All joking aside, this in response to some comments left yesterday. I like to keep this funny but not so much this time. If you don’t want to hear me go at it, again, with some naive individual, skip ahead.
I’ve left the comments in tact as they appeared because I guess God doesn’t believe in spell check or correct punctuation. Just because you’re hooked on religion doesn’t mean you’re hooked on phonics.
Joel i’d like to ask you, what Religion are you? are you, Christian? muslim? Athiest? Do you believe in God? and the Bible? Jesus Christ?
First of all, atheism isn’t a religion. Second, I’m no religion. I think organized religion is the worst thing to ever happen to this world. Besides that, what do you care. That’s between myself and whoever I choose to tell. I don’t have to wear my beliefs on my sleeve so that way other people who believe the same thing can agree with me. I’m not ashamed, I’m just not obnoxious. Besides, the last thing you need is another reason to judge me. It’s apparent your cache is full as it is.
Hey Dana, well first i’m not judging. I’m just showing joel that by his own admission hedoesn’t believe in Christianity, i’m not judging him, i’m simpling asking what he believes in.
You’re right about not judging me. You’re just making things up. Besides, apparently you already know what I believe because by my own admission I don’t believe in Christianity. I didn’t know that about myself but I’m glad you know me better than I know myself.
And on your thought about gays? there is no proof that gays were born gays. But the Bible does say all human beings are born with a sin nature.
That’s pretty contradictory right there. There actually is proof people are born gay. Read a book that doesn’t have the words King, James or by Jerry Fallwell on the front of it and you might know that.
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have ommitted an abomination:
That may very well be the funniest misspelling of all time.
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, Who walk not after the Flesh, but after the Spirt.
So if you live in Christ than it’s all good. Ok. I guess that priests, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker and even King David are condemned because they ‘walked’ after the flesh?
God loves all homesexuals!However, He hates the deeds of homesexuality because they are sinful..
“If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone.” John 8:7
I never wanted this to turn into a theological nightmare. I was merely putting things out there that people need to think about. When you choose to practice blind ideology you have already lost the argument with me. No one wants to hear what someone who is too afraid to admit they might be wrong has to say. Besides that it’s hard to take someone seriously who is too ashamed of their own beliefs that they won’t even use their real name. I know that nothing I say is going to be taken to heart by someone with such strong beliefs, but I gotta try.
I apologize to those of you who read this that want nothing more than the ramblings of a twenty-something loser such as myself. Tomorrow I’ll try to be less incendiary and more trivial.
RIGHT NOW
SONG – Rocket Man by Elton John. This song makes me cry a little every time I hear it. Probably because I can’t believe someone so gay wrote something so beautiful. I wish he hadn’t chosen to be that way.
MOVIE - Priscilla Queen of the Desert. I’ve only seen this once but with my new CHOICE I’ll have to go buy the DVD. Well that and the complete Queer Eye on DVD.
BOOK - Anything by Oscar Wilde or Truman Capote.
HOBBY - Writing angry misspelled missives on a blog from my una-bomber-like shack in the woods. I only misspell words because I’m so enraged by logic I can’t stop shaking.
Holla.
-Joel