Good Sunday people. That was also the name of my favorite Christian singing group from the seventies.
The other day I made a seven dollar purchase that turned out to be the best purchase I’ve made in the past ten years. “Better than purchasing a car?” Yes, because my car is a piece. “Well what is it? We can totally wait to find out how you’re going to waste our time by writing about something stupid again.” Well I’ll tell you.
I was at Target the other day, which is so much better than Wal-Mart. Target is to Wal-Mart as Angelina Jolie is to a toothless, one-eyed, crack head. Anyway, I was hobbling through Target, as I recently had surgery on my leg, and saw a shower head. It was nothing fantastic or anything. Just an adjustable shower head. The shower head I had was so pathetic. It was like showering under a garden hose. No water pressure at all. I bought this thing and thought nothing of it. I replaced the one we had and decided to take a shower with the new one. Sweet Jesus in the morning that thing is awesome. It’s like the shower equivalent to breaking up with someone crummy and then getting a date with the funniest girl ever. Unlike funny women though, my shower head exists. YOWZA!
That wasn’t funny at all. I’m sure funny women exist. Ok. Here’s a better one. Just like funny women, my shower head won’t talk to me either. There. That was a tad less harsh and way more accurate.
“Stop trying to be funny Joel. No one wants to hear funny things after such devastation has befallen us.” Oh my gosh. I’m sorry. I had completely forgot about the earthquake in Asia. “What? No. I’m referring to two football teams losing. That’s why we’re sad.” Oh. My Mistake. I thought everyone was upset over something that matters. My bad.
Jessica Biel was recently named the sexiest woman alive by Esquire magazine. Do the people at Esquire not get Univision of Telemundo? The ugliest woman on either of those channels is ten times hotter than Jessica Biel on her best day.
Speaking of ugly women, a super rich, celebrity, hotel heiress recently broke up with her fiancee who shared the same name as her. I can’t believe there are two people on this planet named Useless Skank.
Boy George recently got arrested for having cocaine in his apartment. The shocking part of that is not that Boy George had cocaine but that Boy George is able to afford his own apartment.
That’s all I got right now. I certainly hope all the celebrities who don’t read this don’t get all bent out of shape.
I had to go to the Sprint store this week to get a new phone. My old one was so beat up it looked like it was married to Ike Turner. When I picked a phone out the lady informed me that it didn’t have a camera on it like the one I was getting rid of. I told her that was fine and she kind of got an attitude like I was missing out by not having a camera on my phone. I don’t need a camera on my phone. You know what I need a phone for? Ummmm to call people. That’s it. No one is going to a take a picture worth anything with their camera. At all. Ever. Trust me.
I really wish I had written more but my leg is bothering me. Sorry kids. Let’s get this out of the way.
RIGHT NOW
MOVIE - Narc. I don’t know how this movie isn’t more popular. It is excellent. Go out and get it now.
SONG - Do the Bus a Bus by Busta Rhymes. I can’t explain it but I like this song a lot.
TV SHOW - The Magic Bullet infomercial. It’s totally worth it.
I promise to be more witty and relevant next time.
Holla.
-Joel