JOEL DAVID NewsOK.com Blogging Community

Hello OKC. I hope all is well. So much to talk about and so little of it matters. Here goes.

I would like to point out the deception that the Coke people seem to be pulling when it comes to Vanilla Diet Coke. Over the past two weeks I have, on three different occasions, reached for what I thought was an average Diet Coke. I cracked it open and took a drink. Not Diet Coke. Not even close. It’s tastes like a cheap car air freshener smells. You would have thought I would have noticed that it was Vanilla Diet Coke. I didn’t because 1) I’m stupid and 2) The can looks exactly the same as a Diet Coke can. The only difference is the super tiny ‘vanilla’ underneath the logo. Damn you Coke! They know what they’re doing. I swore I wouldn’t fall for deceit in advertising after the Snickers with Razors debacle of ’88 but I guess I was wrong.

Speaking of Coke, Kate Moss is in trouble. She got busted doing cocaine and lost some modeling jobs. That sucks for her. Too bad she doesn’t live in a country where we not only seem to overlook drug use, but it is rewarded. What? Sure we do. Darryl Strawberry, Rush Limbaugh, Robert Downey Jr., Scott Weiland and George W. Bush are pretty successful.

Too bad Kate Moss didn’t overdose. She would have a been a legend then. Jim Morrison, John Belushi, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix all died from drug related incidents. I hope she doesn’t die though because I don’t want to see her image on a black light poster at Spencer’s in the section where they keep all the mushroom candles and skull incense holders. Nothing against her, I just hate those things.

William Bennett, former education secretary and author of The Book of Virtues, made some inflammatory statements earlier this week. “If you wanted to reduce crime, you could — if that were your sole purpose — you could abort every black baby in this country and your crime rate would go down.” Those are his words, verbatim. In case you’re wondering, one of the virtues in his book, surprisingly, wasn’t hate. I checked.

What Bennett said was wrong. However, I am defending his right to say it. He can say whatever he wants. That’s the great thing about this country. Is what he said inappropriate? Yeah. Is he a dope for saying it? Yes. However, because we both have the same freedom, I have the right to call him a bigoted moron who should probably roll up to 23rd and MLK and say that again. Way to be pro-life too buddy. That’s very virtuous of you.

Someone asked me to expound on what I meant by ‘subjective religion’. That refers to people who pick and choose to believe parts of their religion because it supports something they thought anyway. “I believe Allah would have wanted me to fly a plane into a building because I’ve twisted what is in my holy scripture to support that.” Or “I hate gay people because God said it was wrong in the Bible.” All religion seems to have a whole lot of people who do this. I can’t speak for any religion but the one I was raised with so here goes……………..

Jesus said to “Love the sinner but hate the sin.” Why is that so hard for people? “I hate gays.” Why? “Cause of the bible.” Here’s how that should read. “I hate gays because I had a hate for them already but I can now use the Bible to support that. The same way we have used the Bible in the past to support our hate of Jews, black people, women and now Muslims and gays.” People treat religion as a buffet. “Oh I’ll have a heap of salvation with just a side of tolerance and for dessert I’ll have some scripture manipulation cobbler.” It’s sad and anyone who tries to refute that this happens all the time is the exact person I’m talking about.

By the way, according to the Bible, sin is sin. God doesn’t see a difference. If you think being gay is such a horrible sin, remember that the Bible says eating pork is a sin too. The next time you eat that BLT just remember, that in God’s eyes, according to the Bible, you may as well be kissing a dude.

Jesus wouldn’t want you to use the Bible as a tool for intolerance. Than again, I’m not God so I might be wrong. I doubt it though.

So I’ve talked about abusing religion and Republicans. This ought to bring‘em crawling out of the woodwork.

My Beatles CD is skipping like a thing that skips. Dammit.

So NY and Boston play this weekend. I am not going to say anything about it as I don’t want to jinx it. At all. It is gonna be some super good baseball though.

I saw a really cute girl in the elevator where I work and I can’t say anything to her because I’m a fat piece of crap and have no self esteem. There ya go. That’s why.

I feel as though I’m rambling a bit and I’m a bit wiped out. I’ll write more consistently in the future. I promise person who cares. I dunno who you are, but thanks.

RIGHT NOW

SONG – When I’m Sixty-four by the Beatles. A near perfect love song. I am a bit sad about it because I probably won’t meet a woman who will date me until I’m sixty-four. The song will be pointless to me by then.

TV SHOW – Yankees vs. Red Sox. Tonight at six. Tomorrow at one and Sunday at noon. I can’t wait. Don’t call me if you know me because I ain’t gonna answer my phone. Ok. I will because I’ll probably be at home alone wishing I had friends who like baseball too.

MOVIE – I don’t have one yet. I have a lot of movie watching ahead this weekend. I got the Bob Dylan documentary , a movie called Elephant by Gus Van Sant and Deliverance, which I’ve never seen. I can recommend Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind though. That movie is great. You probably already knew that though. You’re so smart.

FAKE FUN FACT OF THE DAY – Stretched end to end the longest spaghetti noodle ever produced was sixty-two miles long.

I am tired.

Holla but try to make it funny or smart or something. I don’t want ramblings.

-Joel

So it has been awhile and I know that none of you have been wondering where I’ve been. Well I’m about to tell you! I know! You’re pretty lucky to have an anonymous internet writer who cares so much about you.

Comicfest went well. The show was good and the turnout was ok. Everyone did alright, however, Chris Dowell, Nathan Anderson and Joel Panther really knocked it out of the park. Those three were great.

I went to a couple of bars after the show Saturday. Drinkz and Rane. What is it with club owners in this city trying to spell things in a hip and clever manner? It’s misspelling. It’s not cool. Spell it right. Drinkz, Rane and Skky are all goofy names as it is, but to spell it wrong. Wow. I can’t tell you how much that bothers me. Just because you spell a word different doesn’t mean you’re hip or cool, it means you’re retarded.

I’m sorry about the tragedy of Katrina, but, thanks for the NBA team New Orleans! There’s your silver lining. Shaq! Lebron! Mello! Man oh man is this gonna be awesome. I really hope that the Hornets decide to stay in this town. The only thing we have going for us in OK is the Sooners, and I think we all know how well that’s going. Hey Sooner’s fans, here is an idea for you. Take all that money you were going to spend on a bowl game trip and buy some season tickets for the Hornets. Either way you’re wasting money on sports so it all works out!

With the NBA players coming to town I wish I owned a bling store. I would make a killing. “Joel’s Bling Shack”. Or, to fit in with other businesses in Bricktown I could call it “Joel’s Bling Shaq”. That spelling still makes sense though. Ok. Here’s another. “Joel’s House o’ Da Bling Bling” I’m Irish so that might work. Wait! I could own a place called “The Joel Grill” and it could be a platinum grill store! (For the crackas out there ‘grill’ is slang for ‘teeth’) Holla! So much money to be made with them mofos rollin up to tha OKC. You be knowin! Fo real!

I’ll bet any amount of money that once the NBA season starts there will be an increase in the number of pregnant strippers. Trust me.

Bob “Gilligan” Denver is dead. Don “Maxwell Smart” Adams is dead. If I were Don “Barney Fife” Knotts I’d be extra careful these next few days.

The President says we should conserve fuel. The President also wanted to make sure we continued to breathe air and drink water. Man that guy is a dope. I don’t mean a loveable dope either like a Sean Penn in Fast Times or the Three Stooges. I mean a dope like Screech from Saved by the Bell. The kind of dope that makes you hurt just to think about. The kind of inept dope that shouldn’t be allowed to run a McDonalds let alone a country. Wait. That’s not fair. People at McDonalds actually have a work ethic. Sorry.

I know I should write more, and I plan on it, but I just wanted to say hey to all the person who reads this and close with something that I’m sure will get danders up. Whatever that means. I’m not calling anyone out on this or anything so calm down. It just so happens this was something I’d been thinking about. There seems to be something I like to call ‘subjective religion’. There seems to be a lot of people who follow what beliefs are convenient for them to follow. I don’t think that is how religion works. “I believe this part of it, but not this part.” If one is going to take their teachings literally, then what makes some of those teachings irrelevant and other teachings not? It seems that religion, if it is one thing, it is hypocritical. If you agree or disagree please go ahead and leave a comment. I’d like to get some feedback.

I also think there is a difference between blind faith and blind ideology. Just thought I’d throw that onto the fire while I’m at it.

RIGHT NOW

SHOW – Arrested Development on FOX. The funniest network American Sitcom since Seinfeld.

SONG – Jesusland by Ben Folds. Every time I hear it I think of Oklahoma.

MOVIE – Not the Hulk. Man that thing was bad. I haven’t figured out why, but I will. If you want a super hero movie with Jennifer Connely that doesn’t suck, go get the Rocketeer. Man that movie is sweet. I love it.

I hope I was entertaining enough for all of you person. I would also like to solicit OKC right now. If anyone knows a funny, attractive, nice girl who likes morons that write blogs and watch too much TV and do standup comedy and have jobs they hate, go ahead and leave a comment. I don’t believe somone like that exists that isn’t already married though. You can try to tell me about her because I think it’s fun to read lies. Seriously. Have you read the 9-11 report? ZING!

Holla.

-Joel

I know I should use this space today to tell you about the weird dude at Foot Locker or some girl who gave me a dirty look. (That last one could take a while) This is an open invitation to Comicfest. I would like to get as many people out there as possible. We got the Hornets here so let’s show OKC that we can support something like this. This is how Comedy Festivals in Aspen and Vegas started. This year we are at Stage Center which is downtown. The venue is good. They have alcohol as well AND we ought to have it wrapped up by ten so afterwards you can go down the street to Bricktown, which is less than a mile away. If this is something you might want to support, come on out. You can call 405 270-4801 for tickets. Also, if you don’t like some of my views on things, you can come out and punch me in the face. I hope you don’t but you could.

Holla.

-Joel

Hello. Good Sunday morning.

So I’m leaving work Friday, having wasted another week at a job I hate, and looking forward to an evening of self loathing, when my phone rings. It’s my good friend Eugene. I wasn’t expecting the question he asked. “Do you want be in a movie?” What the heck? He has a friend who works with the Flaming Lips and they were doing a re shoot of a scene for their movie Christmas On Mars and they needed extras. HOLLA! I met him at his house and we headed up to Rockwell and Wilshire. When we got there, there were a bunch of people suiting up for the scene. It was nothing like I thought it would be. I was expecting a film set with a bunch of people running around with a false sense of urgency to ‘Get the shot!’ It was nothing like that. Everyone was so laid back and really cool. Then I saw Wayne Coyne.

Now if you don’t know who Wayne Coyne is, he is the lead singer for The Flaming Lips and the director of the movie. I have really liked the Flaming Lips for a long time. My friend Eric had bought me tickets one year for my birthday to go see them when they played the Coke Center. In all honesty I didn’t really know what to expect. It turned out to be the best show I’ve been to. I think that was the last time I actually had fun. The crowd was really cool. People had even brought their children. It was a stark contrast to the White Stripes show that was at the same venue a few weeks later where I saw some dude get choked. Could have done without all of that.

Wayne Coyne, by all accounts, is a rock star. Legend, and some fact, has it that most rock stars are self involved, egotistical, sycophants. I was thinking that as I stood there with Eugene when some guy told me to watch out. I turned around and there was a truck backing up to where we were standing. I got out of the way and the truck stopped. Out steps Wayne Coyne and he looks at us and says “We got pizza for everyone so make sure you guys eat.” What the eff? Really? Ok. Here is a guy who will go down in history as one of music’s most innovative performers and he is backing his very un-rockstar Ford F-150 up so the tailgate can be used as a makeshift table for pizza. Incredible.

So I hung out and watched them start to film the scene of a marching band comprised of Flaming Lips fans who, trust me, had never marched before. It was cool because they would start filming and then the marching would start and almost every single time the people marching would mess up. On any other movie set I’m positive the director would scream and yell about how they were messing up. Wayne would just start to laugh. The guy has patience. At one point during a break I asked my friend why they didn’t just get a local high school band to do it and he said that Wayne is all about the fans and wanted to give them the opportunity to be in the movie.

I didn’t talk to Wayne because I didn’t want to be ‘that guy’. “I really like your music and one of your songs is going to played at my funeral and I really had fun at your show and blah blah blah…” The sad thing is I wish I would have said something because he’s not that way at all. Oh well.

“Tell us more tales Joel!” Will do.

Sometimes in life you hear things that will stick with you forever. The other day I was on my way to VZD’s to do an interview with my friend Jason that George Lang from the Oklahoman was doing with us about Comicfest. I got to that part of town earlier than I thought I would so I decided to drive up to 7-11 and put some oil in my car. It was shortly after five so the place was abuzz with all sorts of activity. I walked in, bought some oil, and went back out to put it in my car. Sitting on the little ledge in front of the window at 7-11 was this guy who had obviously just gotten off of work. I’m pretty sure he was a painter. “How do you know that Joel?” Well he was black but his right arm was completely white. He was sitting there eating the biggest burrito ever, humming to himself, just watching all the activity. As I was putting the oil in my car this very attractive woman walks out the door and the guy whistles at her. As she’s getting into her car she gives him a dirty look and he spouts one the most irrefutably profound statements I’ve ever heard. “You fine, you fine.” That statement reads pretty poorly without the ability to convey inflection. Let me try again. He basically said it like “If you’re attractive, than you’re attractive. Ain’t nothin you can do about it” As though she should have known. He had a point. I mean if you’re hot, than you hot. If you rich, you rich. If you ugly, you ugly. You be knowin it.

You people really have no idea how funny that was. I did the best I could to convey it but like most things I do, I just get the feeling I’ve made someone, somewhere, cry.

I’m an idiot.

As far as the argument that seems to have evolved, I mean intelligently designed, on the comment section of my last post, thanks. I appreciate that someone cares so passionately about their beliefs. The only issue I have is when someone references the Vatican’s ‘teachings’. The Vatican is to religion what Bentonville Arkansas is to Wal-Mart. It’s home base. Master control. The point I was trying to make was that maybe, as with all things, there are not absolutes. If God created everything that means God created evolution. To make the assertion that you cannot be a Christian if you recognize Evolution as a legitimate science is irresponsible.

This should settle it. “For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son that whosoever shall believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. - John 3:16
There is no asterisk next to that. It doesn’t say that applies to only straight, Christian, Pro-Life, Republican, celibate, creationist, sober, conservatives who attend church or read the Bible everyday. My God is bigger than labels. My God allows people to make mistakes and forgives them no matter what they believe. My God doesn’t give anyone the right to judge someone no matter how many biblical scriptures you twist to justify your actions. My God loves you whether you believe in creation or evolution. My God loves you if your gay or straight, rich or poor, black or white, Republican or Democrat, Christian or Muslim, pro-life or pro-choice. God is love. Love is defined by Websters as unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern of another. In the end we all die and none of us can stop that. We should stop judging people based on their personal beliefs. That’s what God would want. Well the God I grew up believing in.

Sorry about being a little preachy just than. I didn’t mean to be heavy handed or whatever. It just seems that the time we spend judging others could be put to better use. Like going to Comicfest!

Shameless plug alert!

Comicfest is less than a week away. 270-4801. It is going to be the funniest thing you see this year. Everyone should come out and support live comedy. And for ten dollars, what more do you want? We just added an eleventh comic so you’d be paying less than a dollar per comic. Just do it. It’s better than the fair. Than again few things aren’t better than the fair. The fair is somewhere you go to count mullets and pregnant smokers.

Thanks for that line B-Mack.

Comicfest will be funny. Seriously everyone should go. It is a great thing for the city and you’ll have a lot of fun. Unless you’re one of those weird people who hates to laugh and likes being sad all the time. In that instance I should probably tell my ex to not show up. Put that in your bipolar pipe and smoke it! YIGGITY!

So let’s wrap this up so I can go get lunch and plaster OU with Comicfest posters.

RIGHT NOW
SONG - Do You Realize by the Flaming Lips. Quite possibly the most beautiful song about mortality ever written.

SHOW THAT MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH A TEENAGER - Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV. The girls on this show will one day be women. When they do become women they are sure to make someone a horrible ex-wife.

BEST ‘FEST’ - Comicfest. www.stagecenter.com 405 270-4801. You’ll be sorry if you don’t go because I’ll just keep writing silly stories about how girls don’t like me. No one wants that. Especially me.

Holla.

-Joel
www.redcross.org

How dee.

So earlier this week our president said that he takes responsibility for the failure of the federal government to respond accordingly after hurricane Katrina. Looks like it finally happened. Someone has replaced our president with a semi-compassionate robot. It was only a matter of time. Anyone who knows me knows I have been preaching about the dangers of robot presidents for years and years. In this instance a robot replacing the president is a good thing though.

So how’s it going people? Wow. That’s too bad. It’ll get better. What? Well not with that attitude it won’t. Geez.

A friend of mine recently got some flowers and she said that they were the first she had ever been given. That really makes me sad whenever I hear that a girl has never gotten flowers. I asked some women I work with and the only time they get flowers is on anniversaries or post argument. That really sucks. Women should be given flowers for no reason at all. If you do that it will mean more because they’ll remember it. I’m not saying not to get a woman flowers on special occasions. Lord knows if you don’t do that it’s bad for everyone involved. By everyone I mean the guy.

This is totally coming from experience guys, Men need to buy women flowers more often then they do. Trust me on this.

I dunno what all that was about. Sorry.

Earlier this week I decided to do something I’d been thinking about for a while. “Quitting your job and pursuing your dream of becoming a ninja?” Close. I am now an ordained minister. Thanks to the power of the internet I am an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church. Take that seminary! I didn’t have to pay thousands of dollars to go to some crummy college. No. I just went ahead and found a web site foolish enough to ordain me, and after filling out a form, a few short hours later I was ordained. Now what? Well I’ll tell you.

Once I find out exactly what I need to do to be able to perform ceremonies in the state, I’m totally gonna perform marriage ceremonies. “But what if I’m gay?” Then I’ll perform the civil union. “But what of the sanctity of marriage?” The sanctity of marriage dies a little more each time someone cheats on their spouse or gets a divorce so shaddup! Ya hear me! Shut it! I’m sorry. I got a little ‘revivally’ on you there for a second. That’s not the kind of minister I am. Not at all.

That reminds me.

Here is something to think about that will be quick and will probably garner at least one response. There is a battle again over evolution vs. creation. Wait. I mean ‘intelligent design’. Sorry. Ponder this. What if God created evolution? If God created everything, and we have proof that things evolve, how do we know God didn’t create evolution? Ponder that while both sides are too busy trying to make the other one look bad. As an ordained minister I can present these type of theological questions now.

Moving on………………….

Comicfest 2005 is a week from this Saturday at eight pm. It is going to rock. Everyone that reads this, and likes to laugh, should call 405 270-4801. It’s ten bucks. That’s it. You can do it. Maybe you just want to show up to punch me in the face for being stupid. Maybe you want to go because I have seduced you with my words. Maybe not. Perhaps you want to go because everyone else there is a lot funnier than I am. Seriously. There is alcohol there too so come out and drink up. All that money you would normally spend on tickets to see eleven comics can now go towards getting you drunk since it’s only TEN DOLLARS. You’re welcome for that price too. You can thank me later.

We’re filming a documentary too so maybe you could become famous. Maybe you’ll be seen in a shot of the audience and some talent agent will be watching the documentary and he’ll say “Who’s that stunning individual?” and he’ll be talking about you! He’ll meet with you and give you a small part playing Julia Robert’s hair stylist or something. You’ll outshine Julia and then be asked to make an appearance on Leno where you will charm the world with your funny anecdote about how you were discovered sitting in the audience for a comedy show in OK. That appearance will get you your own sitcom which will win more Emmys than any show before it. The Emmy wins will net you the hugest movie deal in history to star opposite Tom Cruise in an action buddy picture. Tom really needs a successful picture after his bitter divorce from Katie Holmes after she left him for Angelina Jolie. You will pretty much carry the movie and become the most beloved celebrity in the history of beloved celebrities. See what you could be missing if you don’t go to Comicfest? I would hate for that happen to you. As a minister, I care. It’s my job.

It seemed there was more to say but I can’t think of anything right now. I know! You lucked out!

RIGHT NOW

SONG- Super Bon Bon by Soul Coughing. This song reminds me of my crazier days before I joined the ministry. So Monday. This song reminds me of last Monday.

MOVIE – Gonna go with Pulp Fiction. I know it’s just about the coolest movie ever but some people haven’t seen it. If you haven’t seen it I suggest you do so. I’m a minister so you have to. If you don’t you’ll go to hell. What? Yeah I know that. Because I’m a minister, that’s how!

NAMES I’M THINKING OF USING AS I’M NOW A MINISTER –
Pope Joel -Reverend Hilarity -Pastor Laughtastic -Not God-Reverend Pastor Pope- Joelsus Christ – Ricky Boombastic

Holla.

-Joel

You like that? That’s pretty bad huh. Good morning anyway!

I walked into my boss’ office yesterday, to annoy him for some reason, and noticed that he had a picture of the waitress from Pure on his desk. Cat. Turns out our waitress is my boss’ daughter. Small world. It’s a good thing I didn’t tell him how she was all hitting on me and stuff. “Joel, you’re so handsome! Joel you’re so funny.” Joel, is lying. That didn’t happen. Look at me. I mean look at me!

Very rarely do I get a craving for anything as I am not a junkie or pregnant. However, for the past week I have wanted a waffle with strawberries on it from IHOP. Well today was the big day! Like most things turn out that I look forward to in life, it was underwhelming. The waffle was good. That’s about it. It was basically the meal equivalent of finally talking at length with someone you thought you were attracted to only to find they are as shallow as you’d hoped they weren’t. International House Of Pancakes? More like International House Of Underwhelming Waffles! In yo face IHOP!

It’s early and I’m a moron.

Comicfest is less than two weeks away party people. 405 270-4801. Ten dollars for eleven comics? Beat that! You can’t. I know. I’ve tried.

Yesterday when I parked for work, this guy was walking along and yelled ‘lights’ at me. I had left my lights on. I said thanks and the guy looked all annoyed with me. He even sounded put out when he yelled it. I don’t need someone looking at me like I’m a dope for leaving my lights on. If I want someone to look at me like I’m a dope I’ll find a mirror. In yo face, me!

As far as poignancy goes for today, I’m tapped. Have a wonderful day. I promise I’ll write something more relevant later. Seriously. You know you my girl. I won’t be lyin to my lady cuz I be knowin what’s that like and it ain’t cool. Fo real.

RIGHT NOW

SONG - Dream Girl by Dave Matthews. I love the song but am still wierded out by the video. Why is Julia Roberts playing Ani Difranco in it? Why is the guy from Dick Tracy chasing her? Why is Dave Matthews still trying to reinvent the video? Stick to the music Dave.

MOVIE - Baseketball. I know it’s an immature movie but it is really funny. “God must really hate that little boy.”

Holla.

-Joel

Hello OKC party people and all non-partying people as well.

Let me first start by saying thanks to all the businesses who have helped thus far by putting a Comicfest poster up. Just like last year we are putting the name of businesses that allow us to do that, in the program. I have only gotten static from two places so far. What places? Well I’ll tell you.

The first place I got static from was a bar/restaurant in Moore. See if you can figure out the name by filling in the blanks.

The __ Bills are a football team that plays at Ralph Wilson Stadium in New York.

Girls Gone __ is a popular video series featuring college aged women losing their dignity.

Buffalo Wild _____ in Moore is a place to get overpriced food and horrible service.

Now put the words that fill the blanks in order and you’ll get the name of the restaurant.

When I walked in there I approached the manager and told him who I was and what I was doing. I told him I wanted to put a poster up in return for ad space in the program. He asked when the show was. I told him and he said that what we were doing would compete with them so he had to decline. He thinks our one night event is going to cut into that super lucrative Bar Trivia Network demographic. Thanks for nothing restaurant manager.

The second place I got static from was a restaurant in Bricktown. Last year they were super friendly and helpful. We had even hired a couple of their wait staff to pass out flyers at an OU game last year. I went into this place a week ago and asked if I could put a poster up. The manager asked me if they had been approved by the Bricktown Association. I told him I hadn’t even heard of the Bricktown Association and he told me that ANY poster that goes up in Bricktown has to be approved by the association. I thanked him and contacted the Bricktown Association. I was told by the gentleman that runs it that promotional posters are left up to the manager’s discretion and they do not approve things like that. I went back into this restaurant and spoke with the same manager. He asked me if the poster had been approved. I told him that per the association they didn’t do that and it would be up to him. He asked me, again, if the association had approved the posters. I told him, again, that per the person at the association that the association does not do that. The manager told me he would not put it up until it was approved by the association. I told him I couldn’t get something approved by a group that didn’t do that. He said it would have to be approved before he would put it up. I thanked him for his time and left. I was a little irked because last year this restaurant was really helpful. What’s the name of the restaurant? It is a place that hires creepy middle aged dudes to pretend they are managers but really they spend all day gawking at girls in orange shorts and tank tops and rhymes with ‘Mooters’.

Let me say that I hold nothing against the wait staff at either one of these places. I am also not boycotting ALL locations of those restaurants. Just the two I’ve mentioned. I guess it comes down to those guys not having much room to exercise what little authority they do have in this world. Whenever they get a chance to make a decision that doesn’t involve hitting on girls that work for them, I can see where they might want to not put a poster up. I can see where that might hurt, well, NOTHING. Especially in return for free advertising. Oh well. Everywhere else in Bricktown that I went to was more than happy to help out and I appreciate it. Everyone was very enthusiastic about the show and was happy to help.

So I’ll throw this out since it is less than two weeks away. OKC Comicfest 2005 is Saturday September 24 at Stage Center in Downtown OKC. It is at eight o’clock and tickets are ten dollars. Eleven standup comedians for ten bucks? You can’t beat that. Call 405 270-4801 for tickets.

“How did you waste your weekend Joel?” Well I’ll tell you. Thanks for caring. That’s very sweet of you. Friday night I went to bed and slept for fourteen hours. That’s what having a job you hate and self loathing will do for you. Remember that kids.

Last night I went out with my friend Brian McComas. He shall heretofore be referred to as B-Mack because I am a dork and want to sound cool. So B-Mack and I go to this place that just opened downtown called Pure. It’s where the old Bar OKC was. We got there about ten. We walked in and everything was white. The walls. The floor. The bar stools. The waitresses outfits. Everything was white. It was like walking into that room from Charlie and the Chocolate factory where Mike Teevee got shrunk. All white. It was so white they should have called it Cracka’s! HOLLA! I’ll stop.

The music was pretty good and the place started to pick up around eleven. Our waitress, ‘Cat’, was really nice and did a very good job. Oh snap! Speaking of waitresses I saw Jack-Wuh-Lynn out there. She was so super unfriendly. It was great. I’m not surprised.

Because almost everything in this place was white, whenever the lights would change color, the entire place would become that color. Red light, everything became red. Blue light, everything became blue. It got to be a little distracting but was pretty cool.

Around midnight the place was chock full of the type of people you would expect to see at a club. Over gelled metro-sexuals and women who flaunted their only assets, most of which looked like they were paid for. Pretty much the type of place that club owners kill to own. The clientele was very attractive. I really didn’t fit in. At all. Oh well.

As I am tired and slowly getting back to being as witty and funny as I wasn’t before, I’ll go ahead and wrap this mofo up.

RIGHT NOW

Movie - Crash. This move was really good. It will make you feel a bit ashamed of how you think about people. That’s not such a bad thing though. I highly recommend this movie.

Song -O.P.P by Naughty by Nature. One of my favorite all time songs and I haven’t been able to get that song out of my head for a week now. Maybe this will help.

Best place to go if you love white decor - Pure.

I’m sorry this wasn’t funnier. I hate to think that I’ve disappointed that poor kid out there who waits to read my exquisite words. I know. That doesn’t happen. Jokes on me YOWZA

Holla.

- Joel

www.redcross.org

Hello OKC. It’s been a while. I know. I’m sorry I haven’t given you a reason to laugh or be angry about something but all of that is about to change right now.

One week ago rapper/producer/unwitting social commentator Kanye West proclaimed, during a live television broadcast, that George W. Bush does not care about black people. I would like to disagree with Mr. West. To say he doesn’t care about one race is wrong. George W. Bush doesn’t care about a whole lot of other people too. Let’s not pigeon hole him into being uncaring about only black people. That’s not fair to him. If you asked him, and could get an honest answer, he would probably admit to not caring about the poor in this country too. Do I think he doesn’t care about black people? Yes. Do I think he also doesn’t care about the poor or anyone else for that matter? Yes.

It is not fair to even begin to blame George W. Bush for the disaster along the gulf cost. I’m not doing that. I feel that it will be found that in New Orleans it was also a failure of both state and local government. However, once there is more than enough proof that those are failing, at what point does the federal government step up. This is a failure of magnificent proportions. It’s not his fault but it his responsibility to help the American people. On the day after Katrina hit he was in Arizona cutting John McCain’s birthday cake. THE DAY AFTER! That’s quality leadership right there.

I’m going to stop so as to not alienate the right wing conservative’s who read this. I’m not coming after conservatives. I’m not coming after Republicans. I’m not coming after Christians. I’m coming after ineptitude in leadership and lies that cause people to die. I am talking about a president who won the election because of morals. Morals don’t feed babies. Morals don’t reinforce levees. Apparently morals do get you a job leading the free world though.

That is the last time that I write about how I’m not singling any specific group out either. I’m not saying these things because he is a right wing conservative. I’m saying the things I do because I love this country and the people in it. I come from a poor family and am not privileged in the least. It just hurts me to see people who our leaders exploit and care about the least defend this administration in any way. Maybe it’s because people want to believe what they are told. People need that I guess.

Please let me know if you think I’m wrong.

Holla.

-Joel

www.redcross.org

I want to first recognize all the people who responded so positively to my idea of a ‘Convoy’ to go get victims of Katrina from Houston. I am sorry but it does appear at this time that things like this will be best left in the more capable hands of larger organizations. It’s not due to lack of a response but I feel that I didn’t do enough in time. Most everyone I’ve spoken with has committed to larger relief efforts.

I do appreciate the responses I did get and I wish I could do more. I have included the link below of the Red Cross again and will continue to do so until this situation is handled.

I apologize to anyone I may have let down.

Thanks again.

- Joel

www.redcross.org

Turns out there is already an organization called ‘Convoy of Hope’. I did not know that. So from this point forward this is going to be called ‘Convoy OK’.

I have received great response from this idea. I have received word from people who are more than willing to provide rides but are unable to provide a place for people to stay and vice versa. What I have provided below is a way to organize these offers a little better. Below is an e-mail address set up for people who are willing to offer rides as well as an address for people willing to offer somewhere for these people to stay. This will make organizing a trip easier so we will know exactly how many people we can bring back.

If you are willing to drive to Houston please e- mail your contact information to convoyokride@hotmail.com

If you have the ability to provide any housing please e-mail your contact information and the number of people you feel you may able to house convoyokhome@hotmail.com

I know I have not posted an entry in a while that is of a witty or funny nature. I just feel very strongly about helping the evacuees. As I had mentioned before, this is not a call to conservatives or liberals. This is not a call to black or white or gay or straight. This is a call to Americans. We can all put aside our differences to help others.

Thank you again for all the responses I’ve received thus far.

If this is something you would be interested please feel free to contact me.

Thanks again.

- Joel