Good evening OKC. I hope everyone had a stellar weekend.
So Friday night I went to The Bricktown Brewery to see the Reverend Horton Heat. They were awesome. I had a really good time and also got to see Jack-Wuh-Lynn. No I didn’t talk to her. She wasn’t even in our section. My friend Adam met someone who was really cool and who knows Jack-Wuh-Lynn so we’ll see how that goes. What’s that? Well I know I don’t have a chance. You don’t have to rub it in. Jeez.
Saturday night I went to Citywalk again. I went there with a friend of mine who hadn’t been out in a long time so that’s why I went. It’s good that I keep denying I’m not the type of guy who goes there a lot but here we are again. I’ll also be there next Saturday for a bachelor party I’m throwing. Wow. Anyway, I saw three things that made the entire trip worth it. Here they are………
1. I saw a dude get thrown down the stairs that are right near the entrance. Man was it funny. He got up and started swinging at the bouncers. That’s a smooth move genius. This guy was drunk, had just fallen down some stairs and still had some fight in him. By fight I mean stupidity. The bouncers at Citywalk are huge and not about to mess around with anyone causing problems.
I have noticed that whenever someone gets thrown out of a club there is always someone behind whoever it is getting thrown out yelling. “Let him go! He’s just drunk. I’ll take care of him.” Yeah. I’m pretty sure the guys who have tied your friend’s arms into a knot behind his head and are throwing him out of the club are gonna listen to you Einstein.
2. Right before we left, Adam, Brian and myself were standing there and this tiny little man comes up to us and he puts his hand on my shoulder. I have no idea who he is. He looks at me and says “Mrrm neer furble darp mook”. I just looked at him and said “I don’t know what you’re saying right now. Not a clue.” He just stood there for a second longer until his equally tiny friend came up and got him. They were either jockeys or the nicest dressed bookends I’ve ever seen. “Don’t make fun of the smaller statured Joel. Just because you’re an oversized monstrosity doesn’t give you the right!” I know it doesn’t. I’m just ticked that neither one of them offered me a pot of gold or free tickets to Remington Park. There’s your one-two comedy punch! Yowza!
3. Let me preface this by saying that this was one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed. I know people say that a lot and then when they tell you it’s no where near as good as the person led you to believe it was. My friend Adam even mentioned that there is no way that what we saw could possibly be explained, but against my better judgment I am going to try.
We were in the Boogie Nights section of the club which plays the greatest hits of the seventies and eighties. It’s like Magic 104 only with more paralegals and less commercials. Anyway, we were standing there listening to Rick Springfield when I looked over at Adam. He was looking up at this elevated dance floor they have in there. Here’s where it gets funny. “Funnier than listening Rick Springfield?” Yes. Even funnier than that. There was a guy on the dance floor that had to be in his mid-forties and looked like Jon Lovitz in A League of Their Own where he had that tiny little moustache. This guy was dancing with a very attractive, but equally clueless, girl who was probably about twenty-five. Understand they weren’t dancing in their own space like normal drunk people. They were utilizing the entire elevated dance floor to execute their drunken dancing. They danced with all the enthusiasm of an ice skating team and even used some of the same moves. The problem/reason this was so funny is that neither of them had any rhythm. At all. It was like watching two blind people on roller skates try to wave away bees.
Since I don’t want to offend the blind I’ll write that last joke in Braille.
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So now I’ve included everyone.
Adam, Brian and myself stood there and watched the debacle for a good ten or fifteen minutes. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. Perhaps ever. The guy kept doing this thing with his hands like when a magician completes a trick and uses flashy hand gestures to accentuate whatever it was he had just done. At one point the girl elbowed him in the face, accidentally, and he just smiled and pointed like Travolta and continued to clap and dance like a chubby furbee. It was great. I am still laughing about it.
I ate lunch this weekend at the Pepperoni Grill at Penn Square. I guess it was bring your obnoxious screaming kid to the mall day. I wish I had known that. Why is every child named Cody, Tyler, Dakota or Ashley? There are more names than that white people. Come on.
I love Pepperoni Grill because it is really good food and the wait staff is really nice. Well not Jack-Wuh-Lynn nice but you get it. What’s that? No. I’m not going to go talk to her. That would be embarrassing for everyone involved. So Pepperoni Grill. Oh yeah. I like that place a lot. That’s all I have to say about that. Riveting eh?
RIGHT NOW
SONG – Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson – This song is what waking up on a rainy day should be. Just calling into work and staying home all day with your girlfriend. Well not your girlfriend. I wouldn’t do that to you dude. Seriously. Put that down! It was a joke! She is hot though. Kidding! I’m kidding. No! Of course she’s hot I just meant that……. And that’s the end of that stupid joke.
MOVIE – Close Encounters of The Third Kind. That movie is one of the few movies that still scares me. That scene where the alien is coming in through the air duct in the floor scared me so bad when I was kid I was afraid to go anywhere near a floor duct. Well the movie and that I was actually kidnapped by aliens who came up through the vent may have had something to do with my fear.
WORST THING I DID THIS WEEKEND – Watched about ten minutes of the Scott Baio and Willie Aames super movie Zapped! Wow is that movie bad. What ever happened to Scott Baio? What? He cooks at a Waffle house in Pasadena. Oh. Good to know. Thanks.
MY ATTEMPT TO GET PEOPLE TO GIVE ME FEEDBACK AND LEARN ABOUT WHAT WOMEN THINK – Why do people cheat?
Holla.
- Joel