Need a little something to feed your hunger for national championships?
Watch my latest video commentary or read below:
Lest you can’t get enough of the national championship fever this time of year, fear not. All of the titles haven’t been handed out just yet.
This weekend, a champ will be crowned at the inaugural Collegiate Nationals Eating Championship.
Yep, eating.
CBS College Sports has even picked up the broadcast rights. So, let me get this straight. In the same month that CBS is responsible for the Final Four and the Master’s, it’s also doing the eating championship. How can that be?
This comes straight from the just-when-you-thought-things-in-sports-couldn’t-get-any-crazier file.
The eating championship will feature college-style food. Hamburgers. Hot dogs. French fries. Guess no one told them if they wanted true college food, they’d have gone with Ramen noodles and Pop Tarts.
The rules of the contest prohibit any dunking, mashing or mutilating of the food. The Eating Commissioner — I swear, I’m not making this part of the story up — says that it’s important to pay respect to the food.
Um, stuffing massive qualities of it in your gullet is considered respectful?
And you thought Jerry Jones wanting to trade for Pacman Jones was crazy.
The Eating Championship falls under the umbrella of “The Collegiate Nationals,” by the way. This is a group that dubs itself “a festival of epic championships that displays the growing passion for lifestyle sports at the collegiate level.”
Now, wait just a gosh darn minute.
A festival of epic championships? With that kind of description, someone had better be wrestling bears or hogtying alligators. Now that would be epic.
The Collegiate Nationals’ idea of epic? Beach volleyball. Snowboarding. Ultimate Frisbee. And, of course, eating.
And listen, I’m not sure what they mean by “lifestyle sports at the collegiate level.” Eating is a lifestyle sport? I thought it was more a part of life, but hey, potato patato.
Qualifying rounds for the Eating Championship are Saturday, followed by the championship round on Sunday. The top four seeds — um, yeah — have byes until Sunday. I’m picking the fourth seed. With a name like Brian “Eatin’” Keaton, can you really go wrong?
April 15th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
When we refer to “respecting the food” what we mean is that we do not dunk, disassemble, mutilate or change the molecular structure of the food (As they do at a certain “food drinking contest” that occurs on July 4th) . We eat the food the way it was intented and according to its tradition and culture. Eating large amounts in a competition does not disrespect the food-it symbolically honors the food the same way you would eat large portions of Grandma’s best dish
April 15th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
must have been a slow day for you…maybe you need to enter a food eating contest.
April 16th, 2008 at 8:16 am
John Boy, you’re still a dolt. Get a life.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Basically all of the blogs that you have that has to have comments approved before they are posted by the moderator and there are several of us that don’t like that one bit and by doing that, the moderator(s) are violating our “freedom of speech” and that’s in the “Constitution”. Check it out. That’s why “Moderator” is another word for “censorship”.
April 17th, 2008 at 10:54 am
This is more Jenni’s speed, maybe the National Enquirer will recognize her talents. I am a sports fan and do not.
April 18th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Jenni,
With all due respect, you need to follow this sport to understand it.
This sport is real unlike the WWE wrestling. Wrestling is fake and
look at the revenue it generates.
This is growing sport. All the great eaters in the past and the present
are responsible for its growth. It is all about the eaters passion.
Don’t laugh at CBS but appreciate the growth of the sport started
by individuals with great passion to compete and become great athletes or eat-thletes.