Part Two: Who’s your All-Animal football team?
I’ll save the coaching staff and special teams for tomorrow. First, a quick revisit of the rules.
What would your All-Animal NCAA Football Roster look like?
The parameters are the following:
1) Each animal can play only one position.
2) The roster must consist of real animals. (Unicorns not allowed. Dinosaurs up for discussion.)
Roster is filled with:
a) The main 22b) One kicker, punter, and return man
c) Coach, offensive and defensive coordinators
Name your team.
In case you missed it, here’s yesterday’s post about the All-Animal offense. I make no guarantees about today’s post.
Let’s start up front.
DEFENSE
RE – Hyena. I’m a big fan of the smaller defensive end, and the hyena’s skinny frame reminds me of Missouri’s Stryker Sulak, with the speed of Dwight Freeney. The hyena has a great motor, and if there’s one thing scouts love in a defensive end, it’s a motor. A warning: my knowledge of hyenas stems exclusively from The Lion King. But they were really getting after Simba in that bone yard.
Photo: Superstock.com. Because who wouldn't want to put a helmet on their dog?
DL – Crocodile. Good acceleration/quickness off the snap. Strong lower body. If he gets a piece of the ball carrier, you know what time it is: Death Roll. (Wait for it…Waaaait for it.) Try shedding that tackle.
DL – Giant squid. His non-existent bone structure really comes in handy. If a hole develops in the line, he’s going to fill it, whether he wants to or not. Plus, even if two of his arms are engaged with an offensive lineman, he’s got like 10 more to deflect passes with. And you know he’s got a killer swim move. Don’t think he can tackle? Check out the Museum of Natural History.
LE – Tasmanian devil. Stocky and muscular for his undersized frame. Good speed. No one in the NFL has a better spin move.
OLB 1 – Lion. OLB 2 – Tiger. Pursuit is the name of the game for outside linebackers. These are two of the best. No one’s turning the corner with these two roaming the second level of the defense. Lion is the unquestioned leader of this unit. Roar could disrupt the offense’s calls. Built to do this job. Might as well change this position to lionbacker.
MLB – Ram. No stranger to high speed collisions, just ask Busta Rhymes. (Note: That is fake. I think.) Do not try to crackback this animal. Wherever you put him, he’s your defense’s hardest hitter. Main weakness: Disciplined tackling. More often than not, his linebacker cronies have to wrap up running backs that bounce off him.
CB – Fox. He’s wily, always one step ahead of the game. Quick and smart. Known to bait quarterbacks into throwing his way.
CB – Wolf. Great at sniffing out his man’s route. Never gives up on a play. Loves the chase. Could set up a potentially explosive matchup with the golden retriever. Domestic vs. Wild. A rivalry that goes way back. Strikingly similar to private vs. public school matchup.
SS – Raptor. Quick. Good killer instinct. This is my first and only dinosaur pick. Technically, they don’t exist. Lorenzo Lamas might disagree.
FS – Giraffe. Surprising speed for his size; giraffes can run up to 35 mph. Neck assures no one is going over him for a jump ball. Should avoid the suspensions and fines common at his position, since no one has ever been punished for trampling a receiver.
TOMORROW: SPECIAL TEAMS / COACHING STAFF
One more reason why “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ needs to end
The Oklahoman’s Sports Writers Were Right
I can admit when I was wrong. And I was. The Los Angeles Lakers won the NBA Finals in five games.
However, there weren’t flaws in my arguments. The Magic had, to that point, played better when no one believed in them (see Games 2-4). And, with the exception of the first and last games, the Magic were not adversely destroyed by poor matchups against the Lakers. The Orlando Magic were not beat by the Los Angeles Lakers, though the Lakers helped some. The Orlando Magic beat themselves.
I didn’t realize the Magic’s lack of an ability to finish games. If the Magic had the ability to close out when given opportunities, the series would have been 3-1 Magic going into Game 5 in Orlando. In that situation, I would have been right and the Magic would be celebrating.
However, the Magic apparently can’t finish games or capitalize on fourth-quarter closing-seconds opportunities. In nearly identical situations, games 2 and 4 were tied with mere seconds on the clock and the Magic had the ball. Game 2: In-bound to the only person I wouldn’t in-bound the ball to. Lee misses the game-winning layup, Lakers win in overtime. Game 4: With four seconds to work with, the Magic couldn’t get a crucial shot to tie the series up. Lakers win in overtime.
Maybe it was the Magic’s inability to finish games that The Oklahoman’s NBA Finals predictors saw that I didn’t. Maybe it’s because I’m an intern and they’ve been doing what they do a long time. Either way, I was wrong. They were right. And the Magic disappointed me.
Who’s Your All-Animal Football Team?
About a week ago, I got a message that has since ignited a heated e-argument between myself and several of my friends.
Now, a disclaimer: This is stupid. You don’t believe me now, but in about 30 seconds you will. You’ll dismiss this initially. But then you’ll start thinking. And you’ll disagree with some (read: most) of my selections. Then you’ll submit your own. Before you know it, you’ll have spent way, way too much time thinking about this. Without further ado, here’s the prompt. At the risk of embarrassment, I won’t disclose the names of those involved.
What would your All-Animal NCAA Football Roster look like?
The parameters are the following:
1) Each animal can play only one position.
2) The roster must consist of real animals. (Unicorns not allowed. Dinosaurs up for discussion.)
Roster is filled with:
a) The main 22b) One kicker, punter, and return man
c) Coach, offensive and defensive coordinators
Name your team.
I wrestled with this. I came up with my team haphazardly. Since, I’ve devoted more thought to this subject than I’d ever be willing to admit. But I’ve composed what I believe is an All-Star team composed of each of our submissions to the All-Animal team.
Here goes. I’m open to suggestions in the comments. Football season is too far away. What else are you going to talk about?
OFFENSE
QB – Gorilla. Opposable thumbs are a must here, and he’s athletic enough to elude tacklers, but also has the brain to run complex offensive schemes. Direct comparison: Tim Tebow. 
RB – Razorback. Some disagree, but the running back position isn’t all about speed. The razorback is elusive enough to evade tacklers in the backfield, and unless it’s an episode of Lost, no one’s catching him in the open field. Low center of gravity is also a plus. Get in his way, and you get tusked. For added effectiveness, grease him up before you hand him the ball.
FB – Rhinoceros. He’ll clear out space, just follow his lead. Audibly laughs when he sees Mike Alstott/Lorenzo Neal highlight reels.
WR1 – Golden…retriever. See: Air Bud: Golden Receiver. Will always be loyal, unlike others at his position. Might not have the toughness of the other receivers, but he’s got a real nose for the ball. Needs to be trained not to bring the ball back to the quarterback after making a reception, though.
WR2 – Cheetah. Gotta have a speed guy. You say he can’t run routes. I say look at Bernard Berrian. No reason both can’t be successful.
WR3 – Jaguar. This guy’s working the middle of the field. Knows how to maneuver in tight spaces, and he does this daily in the rainforest. Not exceptionally fast or strong, but smart and not afraid to go over the middle. He’s like a souped-up Wes Welker.
TE – Grizzly Bear. Big, reliable hands. (Paws?) Big, easy target, like Jermaine Gresham. Strength allows him to be a great run and pass blocker.
LT – Polar Bear. Big and burly. Will pancake unsuspecting D-linemen during snow games.
RT – Longhorn. Yeah, running to the outside of this guy seems like a great idea. No risk there.
LG – Hippopotamus. Doesn’t need to do much, his strength is in run blocking. Strong jaws can also deter interior linemen.
RG – Buffalo. Another big body bringing the beef. Spends much of his time protecting young on the plains. A much smaller area, i.e., the pocket, shouldn’t be any problem.
C – Elephant. Mass is big here. Tends to get flagged for holding when he uses his trunk, but that same trunk comes in handy when it’s time to snap the ball. He’s really the only one who can do it. Only needs to look at the playbook once.
(Technically, that’s 12 positions, but hey, you’ve got to sub out for packages sometime.)
Tomorrow: DEFENSE, SPECIAL TEAMS
Without the Internet, my life would cease to exist
Alright, that sounded a little melodramatic, didn’t it? In all honestly though, let’s think about it, without the Internet we wouldn’t have e-mails, we wouldn’t have facebook, we wouldn’t have twitter, we wouldn’t be able to chat with friends, we wouldn’t know what was going on halfway across the world in less than 30 seconds, we wouldn’t be able to catch that episode from our TV show obsession that we missed last night, we wouldn’t be able to communicate to the outside world, we would cease to exist. Alright, there I go again. But honestly, right now, I just feel overwhelmed by the rapid technology racing past me.
Let’s take a look here though. With the way things are rapidly changing because of Internet, new social connections and norms are beginning to appear. I have a few facebook friends that I have never met in real life and some people I talk to on facebook that I hardly ever talk to in person even though we may share a class together and when I sit back and ponder on it, I can’t help but think how ridiculous that all sounds. Are we slowly trading actual human interaction for virtual interaction so we can sit in our pajamas and talk to someone?
I was reading a blog of one of my favorite and one of the most talented violinsts at this time, Hillary Hahn, and she brought up a few good points. For instance she said, “If you are Tweeting, then you might as well check your emails, and then you might as well just turn on the camera and make a recording for YouTube, and then you might as well have a little chat online while you’re at it, or play a game of Tetris or Scrabble, or write down ideas for that presentation you have to give next week. In that case, really, the question is, why are you here? Are you enjoying the beauty of the live concert experience, in which moments are fleeting and you have to get caught up in the flow because it will never be the same again?” (http://www.violinist.com/blog/HilaryHahn/20096/10222/) I have to wonder that too, with technology growing at such a rapid rate, will things like going to a live concert to take in the experience be forever extinct?
Will we resort to an existance where we are strapped to a computer, limited because we cannot bare to be away from the virtual world? Is the human race doomed to become the slobs that Pixar portrayed us as in Wall-E? Or is our future going to something as creepy as the video below portrays?
Now grant it, I love technology. It has made research so much easier, it has made writing so much easier and it has made keeping in contact with friends so much easier, connecting everyone. I’ll admit it, I’m dependent on the Internet but if I am expected to start dating someone via World of Warcraft or Second Life, that’s where I put my foot down. Remember, even if we feel connected to someone on the Internet, in actuality, you are sitting alone in a room.
Italy, South Africa, the USA
USA national team members Landon Donovan, left, and Oguchi Onyewu, artistically out of focus, face Italy at 1:30 p.m. today in Pretoria, South Africa (AP Photo/Rebecca Blackwell).
I haven’t missed a USA national soccer team game in four years.
It’s a streak more important than Kobayashi’s six-year hot dog eating run.
Although people might be afraid that modern technology might eventually take over the world, I’ll happily accept our new robot masters, for that modern technology is going to keep my streak alive.
My digital video recorder will be humming away as the USA faces Italy at 1:30 p.m. today (ESPN, Galavision) in Pretoria, South Africa on the second day of the 2009 Confederations Cup, held the year before each World Cup as a dry-run of sorts.
Eight teams compete, including the six regional champions: Brazil, Egypt, Iraq, New Zealand, Spain and the USA. The hosts, South Africa, and the reigning World Cup champions, Italy, make up the rest of the field.
Thank you digital video recorder. While I’m trying to track down that last piece of information for a story, Landon Donovan and the boys will be facing Italy in a rematch of their 1-1 draw during the 2006 World Cup, a game that saw three red cards and is still fresh in the minds of American soccer fans.
It might be a little Big Brother-esque, but all their actions will be recorded and saved on a cute, inconspicuous black box next to my TV.
I’ll see you tonight, Landon and company. Until then, I work.
I’m loving it more than McDonald’s.
Other Lives visit Daytrotter.com for recording session
PHOTO BY: Darren Ankenman
Stillwater native soft rockers Other Lives visit Daytrotter to drop a few soulful, sweeping ballads. Check it out at http://tiny.cc/daytrotter.
Also, give the Other Lives first full length LP below.
