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It’s that time of year.  The lights, the parties, the festivities, the shopping, the trees, the STRESS of the holidays.  Most of us have more to get done than we think we can possibly handle, especially if you add kids into the mix.  But are there ways to at least reduce some of the stress this wonderful season brings? 

The Oklahoma City-County Health Department offers some valuable tips on simple things you can do to make this season a little easier:  

1. Save decorating until a week before the holiday.  Save irreplaceable decorations for later years when children are older.  My son is two, so I won’t be buying any Swarovski Crystal or Tiffany ornaments this year.   

2. Shop ahead, throughout the year, while children are at school or home.  Good advice, unless you’re like me and just HAVE to close the mall down on Christmas Eve, just for the fun of it. 

3. Limit the number of times children stay with babysitters while you attend events.  Not a problem in my house - my babysitter is terminally unavailable.  

4. Avoid forcing a frightened child to sit on Santa’s lap.  Young children often enjoy stories and pictures but the real thing can be overwhelming. I tried to force my son to sit for a Santa picture last year.  All I got was a photo of a distraught toddler with red puffy eyes. 

5. Avoid forcing children to welcome unknown relatives with a kiss or by handing them over to be held by a stranger.  Allow the child time to warm up. Also good advice, unless you’re my mother ‘Gwennie’ and in that case, there will be no warm up time. Because she said so.

 6. If weather permits, encourage outdoor play to release extra energy.  OK, we live in Oklahoma. This is not hard. It won’t be cold until at least Febraury.  

7. Keep routines as normal as possible.  Be sure to expect behavioral changes anytime routines change. I find that this is pretty much a given with a toddler, at any time, in any season, for any reason. 

8. When traveling with a young child, allow extra time on the road.  Take some familiar objects from home.  Establish a routine as close as possible to your regular routine and be assertive with relatives about how you enforce limits with your child. Unless, of course you’re ‘Gwennie’ and under her roof. Then it’s her rules … or else.

9. Limit holiday candy; give healthy treats along with the seasonal goodies.  So pumpkin pie counts as a vegetable, right?

Any more tips you’d like to share? Leave your comments here or email me at the address below.

~Erica Smith

esmith@opubco.com

Sounds fun, right?  Well, not so much.

Last weekend, I had the great pleasure of moving … with a 2-year-old.  We didn’t move far, just a few miles closer to work, and to a much bigger place and much quieter community.  However, that doesn’t ease the strain and hassle of moving.

Since it’s just us two, I had to figure out a way to get everything packed in the few days prior to the move, with a toddler underfoot in every room of the house. As I would fill up boxes, he would take things out of them. If he saw a toy he hadn’t played with in months being boxed up, all of sudden it was his favorite and must be taken out and played with immediately.

When two of my friends came to move everything, all he wanted to be was part of the action.  I couldn’t help all that much moving things because I had to constantly watch him.

And for days to follow, I couldn’t for the life of me, find the right cup or plate or toy in the 40 plus boxes I had in the new place. I couldn’t find his favorite bedtime books or the caboose for his train set. And I heard about it - every day.

But we’re slowly getting settled.  He only refers to it as ‘the new house.’ If I say ‘we’re going home’ he gets upset because the last time he saw ‘home’ as he knew it, it was an empty spot where things used to be.  But going to ‘the new house’ makes him happy and excited, which makes it home to me.

Soon enough, it will be home to him, too.

Any horror stories about moving with kids?  Share them here or e-mail me at the address below.

~Erica Smith

esmith@opubco.com

   Don’t tell the stars of Bravo’s Real Housewives of Atlanta that the country is (or will soon be) in a recession.

This “reality” show chronicles the lives of the rich and spoiled. This week’s episode showed one of the housewives throwing a birthday party for her 11-year-old daughter. The price tag? $18,000.

Well, 11-years-old is sort of a big deal, right? It’s almost 12 after all.  But this poor child is soooo spoiled (and ungrateful) that she’s sure to turn into a spoiled, superficial adult. She’ll probably be on that MTV reality show, My Sweet 16, when mom throws her a million-dollar party in five years. (Hopefully Mom’s stock investments are as shored up as her not-so-natural physique.)

Then I read today about a wedding dress encrusted with diamonds that will be part of a bridal show at the Skirvin Hotel. The price tag is a mere $100,000, a modest take on the million-dollar diamond gowns that other designers have produced.

Such restraint!

Even if you could afford such a gown, is it the socially responsible thing to do when our country is on the verge of economic collapse? People are losing their life savings, their homes (many worth less than the dress in question) and facing a future of sheer poverty.  Maybe a portion of that price tag — a few diamonds really — could go to help organizations in great need.

The Alzheimer’s Association of Central Oklahoma is trying desperately to raise $10,000 to continue an arts program that helps late-stage patients express themselves through art. For these patients, the ability to communicate through paint and paper is more precious than all the diamonds in the world.

Let’s get our priorities straight. Sure, turning 11 or getting married are momentous events. Let’s celebrate — by setting aside our own vain and giving to others.

Susan Simpson

Those of us celebrating this fun holiday with a toddler, may be thinking “My child is too young for trick-or-treating, but I can’t let the day go by without some festivities to create that picture perfect moment of my little one in full costume.”

Here are some ideas that might be a bit more toddler-friendly than trick-or-treating.

Have a get together at your house.  This works especially if you have other friends with toddlers.  They can have food and games just for them.

Go to the zoo.  The Oklahoma City Zoo sponsors “Haunt the Zoo” every year, and we go … every year.  You won’t see the exhibits, but you’ll meet alot of friendly zoo employees who will be giving out all kinds of goodies.  They also provide plenty of picture opportunities.  Go to www.okczoo.com for more information.

Festivals.  There are plenty around the metro. It seems that every church, YMCA and other community center is hosting a fall festival or carnival.  Take advantage of these, as many are free and they’re a fun, safe alternative to trick-or-treating.

Hand out candy. Dress your toddler up in their costume and let them pass out candy to visiting trick-or-treaters.  Chances are, they’ll just love the opportunity to show off their costume to neighbors.  And you’ll get to watch Halloween specials on TV.

And if you do decide to brave the neighborhood for goodies, just be sure to follow the basic rules of trick-or-treating:

-Wear light-colored clothing and/or reflective tape on costumes.  Don’t cross streets between parked cars.

-Go in a group, and while it is still light out.  Use flashlights if it’s dark. Don’t go to any house that has the lights turned off.

-Inspect all candy carefully and discard anything that has a torn or missing wrapper or could have been tampered with in any way. 

If you have any more good safety tips or suggestions for Halloween, post them here or email esmith@opubco.com and I’ll post them for you.

~Erica Smith

If my kids tried to get out of trouble by using the same excuse that a criminal scam artist used in court this week to plead for leniency in his sentencing, I might double their punishment out of anger at the flawed thinking. Or I might just have to laugh. The excuses he used in federal court sound more like a child’s than a grown-up’s.

In essence, Phillip Levaughn Raglin argued through his attorney that his crimes weren’t as bad as everyone else’s. And those OTHER people aren’t even getting punished, he reasoned, so the judge should be lenient to him. Raglin bilked investors out of about $900,000 by convincing them to buy into his phony company. 

Here are the details, described by writer Tony Thornton in The Oklahoman:

Through his attorney, Raglin said that the judge should give him mercy because his crimes are “minimal compared to the ‘financial bandits’ who caused the Wall Street meltdown but who are ‘getting off nearly scot free,’” Thornton wrote.

By what reasoning? Don’t we as parents teach our children that we are accountable for our own actions, no matter what the rest of the world does? That there are standards in place that don’t change? 

I don’t care what everyone else did in this case. Yes, the Wall Street fiasco is a mess and there should be some fallout for those involved.

But that doesn’t  matter for Raglin, nor would it matter in our house. If an action is wrong, it’s wrong, no matter who else did or didn’t do it or whether they got punished for it or not. I hope my kids learn that lesson now so they don’t have to learn it before a judge in a courtroom.

If my kids tried to use that logic on me, I’d like to believe I would see straight through it. Apparently the federal judge in Muskogee did, too. He sentenced Raglin to 10 years in prison — the maximum — and ordered him to pay more than $1 million in restitution.

Here’s a related “Mom-ism” for thought: “Doing what is right is not always easy but it’s ALWAYS right.”

And ideally that would apply whether everyone else is doing it or not. 

For great reading involving this case, check out the court documents (links below):

Defense attorney Robert Ridenour’s arguments for leniency — ” Phillip is supremely confident and optimistic … (and) wants to be recognized and respected for his inteliigence.”  

http://static.newsok.biz/sites/newsok/docs/Raglin%20Defense.pdf 

And prosecutor Susan Dickerson Cox’s arguments for the maximum sentence for Raglin: “He is narcissistic, materialistic and arrogant concerning his financial dealings.”

http://static.newsok.biz/sites/newsok/docs/Raglin%20Prosecution.pdf 

~Lillie-Beth Brinkman

   My daughter loves to do “arts and crabs.” She means “crafts” not crustaceans.

So we are always looking for fun, simple and cheap activities.

The photo above shows a Halloween-themed idea that I got from one of my favorite sites: http://www.earlychildhoodnews.com

The site is geared to preschool teachers, but I find lots of good ideas for parents too.

This project is super fun because your child dips his feet into white paint to make the ghost shapes. This makes the ghosts funny, not scary.

Do you have any craft ideas? Share them here!
Susan Simpson

It’s a hard concept to grasp, but seemingly it can be true. 

Objectively, I would have to say my 2-year-old son’s demeanor is very mild.  He is affectionate and already demonstrates a certain compassion for others, as simple as it is. I have been very lucky that he has never taken out frustration or anger in a physical way - never a biter or a hitter.

These qualities also may make him a target of bullying.  In his class, he has a friend who is bigger than him (my son is small for his age), more outspoken and a bit aggressive. I’m going by what I’ve seen myself and what other parents have said.  The interaction between the two boys is starting to worry me though, because my son is now reenacting his negative encounters with this child, over and over again.

I’ll pick him up from daycare and about 5 minutes into the ride home, I’ll hear him in the back seat reliving the day’s events. “No No!  No push Hunter!  Be nice, (child’s name), be nice!”  or “No hit Hunter - go time out, (child’s name)!” At first I thought it was an idle situation, but lately this is an everyday occurrence.  I’m worried that it can scar him in a way that may, in turn, make him aggressive, or set him up for a lifetime of being a target of bullies.

One thing I can’t really do is talk to this child’s mom.  We are friends, and I don’t want to see a friendship go sour over this and there is no real delicate way to bring it up.  The daycare teachers are giving the boy time outs so I can’t say they’re not doing their part. 

I’m not sure where to go from here. If anyone has suggestions, please let me know.  I would love to hear some!

~Erica Smith

esmith@opubco.com

I’m a fan of reality TV, I’ll admit it.  I’ve been avidly watching this season of America’s Got Talent and I must say, the talent does not disappoint.

There is one talent act that has bothered me though, especially lately.  It is that of 4-year-old singer Kaitlyn Maher. 

The premise of this show is to find a talent that can sustain an audience in Las Vegas as a headline act, along with a considerable cash prize.  I understand the novelty of having a 4-year-old sing for a national audience, but I really do think America (who keeps voting her back) doesn’t quite get this premise and I think if she wins, it will be a hard lesson to learn. 

Realistically, having a 4-year-old sing for a 90-minute show for a Las Vegas audience is asking for failure.  It may sound harsh, but I don’t see droves of people lining up, paying to see her sing.  Not only do I think she can’t keep up a show that long, but Piers Morgan, the only judge who has given a reality check about this act, is pleading to America not to put her through, and not to put her through that. 

As novel as it is, we must remember this girl is only 4 years old.  She doesn’t belong on a Vegas stage, she belongs in pre-school, singing children songs with her friends and family, watching PBS Kids, eating graham crackers and goldfish, and learning to read.

And I don’t believe the judges are blameless, either.  After all, they did know the winning act gets a show in Vegas and they could have cut her before the live shows. 

So now it’s in America hands.  We’ll see tonight if they did the right thing and sent this little girl home.

~Erica Smith

esmith@opubco.com

  The most e-mailed story today from the New York Times was not about presidential politics or fall fashion. It was about getting kids to eat healthier food.

No surprise to this mom of a very picky eater.  Food is a daily struggle in our house. This morning, my daughter did not want her usual breakfast of toaster waffles. She insisted on chocolate kisses. We compromised (one kiss, one waffle) because I needed to get her to school on time, and with something in her tummy.

The New York Times story offered some helpful hints (a link is posted below) but no magic answers. The basic message: try and try again. A child just might try a new food after it’s been offered a dozen or so times. They also might want to eat something new if they helped prepare it.

I’ll try those methods (again) but so far, they haven’t been too successful with my strong-willed child. Do you have any suggestions, short of melting chocolate on broccoli?

Comment here. And check out the NYT story at:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/15/health/healthspecial2/15eat.html?ex=1379217600&en=240983ba5b28e936&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

Susan Simpson

The other night watching the potential first woman vice president give her speech at the Republican National Convention, I had such conflicted emotions. I wanted to say, “You go, girl,” in my least cheesy of voices. But as young Piper licked the palm of her hand to slick down 4-month-old Trig’s baby locks I wanted to scoop them up and shield them from the storm.

Electing Hilary was putting a woman in the white house. Electing Sarah is putting a mom in the white house. Hillary’s child is grown and no longer depends on her the way an 8-year-old and a 4-month-old depend on a mother, not to mention three other children one of which is a 17-year-old mother to be. And while a mother’s work is never finished no matter how old her children are, her role in their lives changes dramatically over time.

With Palin we’re asked to re-examine a mother and father’s role in the family and to develop new standards and expectations. And I’m not saying this is a bad thing necessarily. But in general a mother’s role in nurturing is much more involved than a father’s. In general, fathers tend to be able to say I have a late meeting or I’d like to go do X and slip on out. While mothers IN GENERAL have to solve the kid puzzle if they have a late meeting or want to go do X all by themselves … arrange pick-ups, drop-offs, meal plans and often still cook, lay out pajamas, etc. And maybe it is not so much that mothers are actually expected to handle all of this, but more they feel like they should or feel like it is expected of them. (more…)