Learning from tragedy
This is a difficult post to write, because usually topics on this blog are more lighthearted and positive. But I am going to try to turn a tragic situation into one I hope to learn from, and maybe other readers will as well.
Friday night, my 2-year-old son, my mom and myself attended a hayride at the Orr Family Farm. On the same ride as us was an 18-month-old girl and her mom. My son and this little girl were picking out pumpkins in a pumpkin patch just five minutes before both our worlds were changed forever. We were witnesses to that little girl tragically losing her life immediately following that very ride.
This has been a near impossible thing to wrap my mind around. It’s something that causes shock and disbelief one minute, and despair and sympathy the next. It’s something I never thought I would have to see, and now is something I’ll see for the rest of my life. I can’t begin to imagine what her parents are going through and my heart and prayers have been with them since. Their lives are changed in ways I can never imagine.
I took a very hard lesson that night. Life really is so very fragile. The unthinkable can happen in a split second. Treat every moment with your children and family as a precious gift, because that is what it is. Give those you love an extra long hug and extra big smile next time you see them. Tell them you love them, and love them unconditionally.
If you’d like to know more about Zoe Madeline Montgomery, please click here: NewsOK.com. And please keep her parents in your thoughts and prayers.
~Erica Smith
Watch Out!
Cade, my 3-year-old son, is so cute and loving. But, like most 3-year-olds, he can be trying at times.
We have a ritual at our house. It involves picking up his toys several times throughout the day. Why? He loves to throw his toys and books across the room.
He’s actually better than he used to be. His tendency to throw is common among some Down Syndrome children. Physical therapists have said he did this because he liked the sensation of throwing and that we should direct his impulse toward acceptable items – bean bags, socks, soft objects – and have him aim them toward a basket.
His aim is really good, too. A pink paper fish with a colorful tail of streamers had hung in a doorway for several years – until this past month when Cade zeroed in on the floating fish and successfully knocked it from its place after several times of pummeling it with balls, cars, pillows and other toys.
We should stop him, and we do, but sometimes we just give out. And it’s these times when we say cade, Cade, CADE! … and then duck when a remote or favorite book comes hurling toward our heads. Unfortunately, sometimes we’re not so quick or we’re oblivious to the incoming plastic missiles.
But we love him. And, our living room will continue to look like a whirlwind just plowed through. (I wonder what my daughters’ friends’ mothers must think about my little pit. – If only they had stopped by three minutes earlier)
We continue to try to correct him and encourage him to restrain from chunking the DVDs, newspapers and toys across the room.
It’s encouraging that he’s better. His throwing habit has evolved into mostly tossing across the floor or carrying toys from one location to another.
And, also promising is his willingness to clean up while he sings the “Clean Up” song.
But don’t be surprised by the socks and toys thrown in our entertainment center, behind the furniture and pushed beneath the couch if you drop by. Oh, and, Duck! — Linda Lynn
Obama or McCain? Children bring questions home to parents about presidential candidates
Our daughters are very interested in the presidential candidates, their stand on issues and who we, their parents, are voting for.
The oldest has researched on the Internet. The youngest has had deep discussions with classmates. Some of the comments they’ve made at home have been “very interesting.” Their father and I have explained that you can’t believe everything you read on the Internet, and sometimes people make incorrect statements about candidates.
But, overall, I’ve been impressed. I’m very proud to hear them talk about current events and show an interest in our nation’s future.
I remember a ride on a dirt road, sitting beside my dad in our pickup. As he drove past the peanut fields, I asked him, “Daddy, what does impeachment mean?”
I had spent many an hour watching Watergate hearings on TV. Yet, in my mind, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what the politicians’ discussions had to do with PEACHES!
I’m sure my daughters’ newfound interest in politics is influenced by several things: TV news reports, their parents’ conversations, friends’ comments and school discussions. Katie, who is in a middle school yearbook class, has been assisting her classmates with short, informational election videos called “The Election Minute.”
I think Katie and Kaci’s interests in the presidential election have caused me to be more thoughtful about the candidates, their values, their goals if they become president. I still think what you read and hear can be confusing, but this national event has spurred some amusing as well as thought-provoking conversations in our home. — Linda Lynn
Halloween with a toddler
Those of us celebrating this fun holiday with a toddler, may be thinking “My child is too young for trick-or-treating, but I can’t let the day go by without some festivities to create that picture perfect moment of my little one in full costume.”
Here are some ideas that might be a bit more toddler-friendly than trick-or-treating.
Have a get together at your house. This works especially if you have other friends with toddlers. They can have food and games just for them.
Go to the zoo. The Oklahoma City Zoo sponsors “Haunt the Zoo” every year, and we go … every year. You won’t see the exhibits, but you’ll meet alot of friendly zoo employees who will be giving out all kinds of goodies. They also provide plenty of picture opportunities. Go to www.okczoo.com for more information.
Festivals. There are plenty around the metro. It seems that every church, YMCA and other community center is hosting a fall festival or carnival. Take advantage of these, as many are free and they’re a fun, safe alternative to trick-or-treating.
Hand out candy. Dress your toddler up in their costume and let them pass out candy to visiting trick-or-treaters. Chances are, they’ll just love the opportunity to show off their costume to neighbors. And you’ll get to watch Halloween specials on TV.
And if you do decide to brave the neighborhood for goodies, just be sure to follow the basic rules of trick-or-treating:
-Wear light-colored clothing and/or reflective tape on costumes. Don’t cross streets between parked cars.
-Go in a group, and while it is still light out. Use flashlights if it’s dark. Don’t go to any house that has the lights turned off.
-Inspect all candy carefully and discard anything that has a torn or missing wrapper or could have been tampered with in any way.
If you have any more good safety tips or suggestions for Halloween, post them here or email esmith@opubco.com and I’ll post them for you.
~Erica Smith
No more morning struggles
Bonnie Harris, author of the new book “Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (Adams Media, September 2008),” has plenty of tips for parents seeking solutions for morning time struggles between children and parents.
Several are listed in today’s Life section of The Oklahoman. Here are more of Harris’ tips to transform stressful mornings:
1. Decide what the best morning routine is for everyone. Make a chart. If you have a white board, write each agenda item with a box next to it for your child to check off when done.
2. Pick out clothes the night before.
3. Make lunches the night before.
4. Go over the next day’s schedule the night before.
5. Remind children to get backpacks ready before the bedtime routine starts — don’t expect this to be done without reminders unless you have an especially organized child.
6. Establish a rule that anything you have to do concerning homework is done the night before or it doesn’t get done.
7. Get up earlier and get your personal routine done before waking the children.
8. Ease your child awake with a smile and a back rub — unless she uses an alarm clock.
9. If you’re creative, prepare a “fancy” breakfast menu to present to your children when they get up. This can be a once in awhile option.
10. If things are not going smoothly, even silently acknowledge everyone’s agendas.
11. If your child is cranky, validate how hard some mornings are to get going and that you often have the same problem. Each day is different.
12. If there is a particular problem your child is dealing with, acknowledge the problem, and offer help and support without trying to fix it.
Bonnie Harris founded The Parent Guidance Center (now The Family Center) in Peterborough, N.H. in 1990, which is dedicated to parent education and support. She is the director of Connective Parenting and has designed and taught parenting workshops and counseled parents for 20 years. Sign up for her e-newsletter by going online to www.connectiveparenting.com.
Sarah Palin shifts the role of a mother
The other night watching the potential first woman vice president give her speech at the Republican National Convention, I had such conflicted emotions. I wanted to say, “You go, girl,” in my least cheesy
of voices. But as young Piper licked the palm of her hand to slick down 4-month-old Trig’s baby locks I wanted to scoop them up and shield them from the storm.
Electing Hilary was putting a woman in the white house. Electing Sarah is putting a mom in the white house. Hillary’s child is grown and no longer depends on her the way an 8-year-old and a 4-month-old depend on a mother, not to mention three other children one of which is a 17-year-old mother to be. And while a mother’s work is never finished no matter how old her children are, her role in their lives changes dramatically over time.
With Palin we’re asked to re-examine a mother and father’s role in the family and to develop new standards and expectations. And I’m not saying this is a bad thing necessarily. But in general a mother’s role in nurturing is much more involved than a father’s. In general, fathers tend to be able to say I have a late meeting or I’d like to go do X and slip on out. While mothers IN GENERAL have to solve the kid puzzle if they have a late meeting or want to go do X all by themselves … arrange pick-ups, drop-offs, meal plans and often still cook, lay out pajamas, etc. And maybe it is not so much that mothers are actually expected to handle all of this, but more they feel like they should or feel like it is expected of them. (more…)
‘Diplomas before diapers’
Sharon Rodine, director of youth initiatives at the Oklahoma Institute for Child Advocacy, said the more conversations about the issue of teen pregnancy, the better.
If it’s a TV show that has parents and teens talking on the subject, so be it.
“Hopefully the talk will lead to some positive discussions for some young people because we have been ignoring them for too long,” Rodine said.
Some critics have jabbed at the new ABC Family show “The Secret Life of the American Teenager,” saying that it focuses on sex too much and that it plays a lot like a soap opera parody, but others, like Rodine and leaders with the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, say it has folks talking and that’s worth a lot.
Rodine said it’s often hard to get people in Oklahoma to see how much teen pregnancy has become a concern.
“Between 2005 and 2006, and that’s the latest data we have, the births to teens in
“It’s an alarm bell going off because, in so many ways, we’ve become complacent.”
Rodine said it’s sometimes hard for people to relate to numbers so she found another way to describe the problem.
“How do we help the public understand what this means? To help put this in perspective I tell people that the number of teens giving birth in
“We need to say ‘diplomas before diapers’.”
With that said, here are some national statistics from the National Campaign to ponder:
– The teen pregnancy and birth rate has declined dramatically since the early 1990s (down 38 percent and 32 percent respectively), driven by decreased sexual activity and increases in contraceptive use. Even so, recent data shows that the declines in teen sex and improvements in contraceptive use have leveled off. And the teen birth rate is on the rise for the first time in 15 years.
– At present, 3 in 10 girls in the
– There are more than 729,000 teen pregnancies annually and in 2006, there were 435,000 births to teens.
– At present, half of all pregnancies in the
– Carla
Have you hugged your grandma today?
It’s Grandparents Day.
It’s not too late to visit Grandma, Mee Maw or Granny to tell her you’re thinking about her.
It’s not too late to make a phone call and send Papa or Gramps a hug over the phone lines.
I know people sometimes argue that special designated days like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and Grandparents Day are irrelevant when we should all be appreciative and loving of Mom or Dad or Grandma everyday.
But these family roles are so important that I believe we can’t laud them enough, appreciate and celebrate them enough.
So take the time to honor your grandparents. Many have invested much in their families and are now looking to see some of that time, energy and love come to fruition in the next generation.
Teach your children the value of respecting and appreciating the older adults who were paving the way for them long before they were even thought of.
The payoff is huge.
One day, if you are lucky, you’ll be a grandparent too.
Carla
P.S. Maybe you’re already a grandparent. If so, happy Grandparents Day!
Fun(draisers) times!
My four-year-old son earlier this week brought home his school’s first fundraiser (sort of): a Scholastic Book Club flyer.
While it provided a great opportunity to buy inexpensive books without leaving my house, I also felt somewhat guilty.
I assumed there will be other club flyers this year, so I only bought three books. I also assumed his mother would buy books.
However, would I be a bad parent if I didn’t buy at least one item from my son’s school fundraisers, including $1 books from the Scholastic Book Club? I’m a newbie at the whole public school thing.
Any help would be appreciated.
Write comments below to share with others, too.
Thanks!
— Brian Sargent
Click to send me an e-mail
Gameday with a toddler?
Is this something that is possible? Without me losing my hair or sanity?
I have tickets to OU’s season-opener this Saturday. First, I am a bit suprised that you have to buy a full-price ticket for a 2-year-old but according to the athletic office “any human being going into the stadium needs a ticket. Even infants.”
Yeah, I guess infants would fall into the “human being” category, although I couldn’t imagine bringing one to a game. But a toddler, well, that may or may not be worse.
I hope I’m not crazy to try this, but maybe he’ll have a blast and we’ll have an extra activity to add to our fall calendar. Has anyone tried it? If so, give me the lowdown and some good tips if you have them.
