Too early for ‘Mom’
My 2-year-old son has a new word in his vocabulary: Mom.
I was surprised at first, since I started as “Mama” and have been “Mommy” ever since he was about 9 months old. ‘Mom’ sounded kind of … well … weird to me and I’m not sure I like it.
I always pictured being “Mommy” until he was in about 6th grade or at least until he started worrying about what his friends thought. But at 2? It’s too early. Especially for me.
I know he’s probably just trying out something new and he probably got the idea from that Kenmore refrigerator commercial where all the kids are yelling “Mom! Mom?” that seems to be on all the time. But it makes me a bit sad, like things are going way too fast.
When did your kids start calling you Mom (or Dad) and did it hurt … just a little?
Let me know here or email esmith@oklahoman.com.
I’d love to know I’m not alone on this!
-Erica Smith
Nick Jonas, my daughter loves you …. and other important life lessons
I’m taking my daughter to the upcoming Jonas Brothers concert. I know, I know. It’s a splurge.
My husband’s already mentioned the cost to me several times. (He calls them the “Donut Brothers.” He just doesn’t understand.) But I want to indulge Katie, 13, a little in what has teetered between a youthful crush and a small-time obsession. (Afterall, we missed the Hannah Montana concert. Yes, I’m still a little miffed at the whole experience of trying to buy those elusive seats.)
So, pricey, yes. But this is something she will remember when she gets older.
She’s excited. Her friends are excited.
But not everyone has tickets to this exciting summer concert. So, Katie’s friends enlisted her help recently when a local radio station was having a call-in to win Jonas Brothers tickets. You just had to be the 100-and-something caller to win.
Easy enough.
She checked with me first. That was sweet. …. I said it was OK.
So she and her little sister, Kaci, pitched in to start calling, and I went on about my business.
A little later Katie came back and asked, “Is it costing money if I stay on the phone?” No, it’s a local call.
She was relieved, explaining that Kaci had been waiting on the phone for 15 minutes, but the line was busy. …
… It took a few seconds, and then I began to chuckle and explained to her that if the line is busy, you have to hang up and call again.
“oh, man,” she said.
Needless to say, she didn’t win more tickets. …
– Linda Lynn
Through a child’s eyes
Having a child is truly an amazing experience. Things that are normally mundane are now striking awe in a young person and I get to experience that with him.
I can’t help but wish I was a bit “newer” to the world. Everything would capture my interest and make me wide-eyed. The littlest things would make me say “Wow!” or ask, “What is that!?”
My son takes such pleasure in the things I see every day, things I hardly notice. I used to hate having to wait at the railroad crossing at Western and Britton, especially if one of those extra-long freight trains were coming through. But now I relish it. I hope I get to stop just so my little boy can get excited. His mouth will drop and his eyes will get as big as saucers . “Train!!! Choo-choo!!” I’m actually almost a little disappointed if we sail through that intersection without seeing one.
Most people don’t look forward to seeing the building they work in every morning. But I do because my little boy gets so happy, he can hardly stand it. “It’s Mommy work!!! Big!!” And I get to tell him, “That’s where Mommy is when she misses you.”
And if we get to see the guys mowing the lawn at my apartment complex or at his daycare center, then it’s all over. That would have just made his day. And mine.
And I realize, when you see things through the eyes of a child, you do get to be “new” to the world again. Watching his reactions to the world around him is something new for me to experience.
And what a wonderful a world it is.
-Erica Smith
“Baby pact” in the news
The national spotlight is shining on Gloucester, Mass., but that’s not necessarily a good thing these days.
The most recent edition of TIME magazine includes a story about a so-called “baby pact” made between a group of girls at Gloucester High School.
The author of the story appeared on NBC’s TODAY Show this morning to discuss her interviews with school officials. She said they told her that several pregnant teen girls, out of a total 17 at the school, had confessed to making a pact that they would each get pregnant at about the same time and raise their babies together.
One girl apparently was impregnated by a 24-year-old homeless man, the TIME reporter said.
None of them, according to reports, is older than 16.
The blogosphere is abuzz with this latest bit of news, particularly since actress Jamie Lynn Spears, 17, reportedly had her baby on the same day that the world got wind of the so-called high school baby pact.
One interesting blog is Pregnant Pause, the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy’s Web log.
What are your thoughts about the Gloucester baby pact?
– Carla Hinton
Moving up is hard to do
I’ve been through a lot of changes with my son and he has accepted each one without resistance and with a big smile. I always thought that no matter what, I could make anything better, because, well, I am Mom and that’s my job.
My 2-year-old has been promoted recently at daycare. He has been promoted a few times in his 2 years … from the newborn class, to the first toddler class, to the second. But in his new 2-year-old class, he is having a very hard time and it leaves me not knowing how to make it better.
He used to love going to “school.” In fact, some days, I couldn’t get him to leave with me at the end of the day. He talked about all his friends on our way there and tried to tell me about his day on the way home. He woke up excited to go every morning.
Now, it is a struggle to get him out of his crib. He doesn’t want to eat. He is silent the entire drive there and when he gets there, he reaches for his old classroom’s door and starts screaming and crying when I bring him into the new room.
His teacher said that a few children have had a hard time adjusting, even though they are with their friends. They have a lot less freedom and more structure, to prepare them for preschool. She said it should get better in a few weeks, but any parent knows how hard it is to leave a crying child who is reaching for you, to makes things better.
I feel helpless, but I know it has to get better.
Today I left him crying again, but just as I left, his teacher ran out to catch me so that I could see him through the window. He had stopped crying and was sitting down at the table, painting me a picture. The roles reversed … today, my little man made me feel better.
-Erica Smith
Happy Father’s Day to Moms, too
I had three calls yesterday … one from my Mom, one from my sister-in-law and one from an old friend. All called to wish me the same thing … a happy Father’s Day.
Many kids grow up in a household of a single mom. These are the moms who fulfill both roles – those of a mom and a dad. Among our many duties, we are the disciplinarians, the lone chauffeur, the lending ear, the entertainment, the teacher, the security blanket and most importantly, the beacon of unconditional love.
When you do it all, sacrificing unselfishly and without a second thought, you deserve to be celebrated … twice. I never really thought about it that way until yesterday.
So to all single moms everywhere, I hope you had a wonderful Father’s Day. You deserve it.
-Erica Smith
Crossing my fingers and pushing her forward
My daughters have subtle similarities. They like some of the same things, and they both are pretty bright. But their outlook on new situations and new activities are night and day.
While my youngest daughter adapts quickly to new surroundings and wants to do whatever “fun thing” is available, my oldest daughter is more leary, reserved and decides quickly that she is not going to have a good time.
I might as well give up right then … but I don’t. I push her just a little more, hoping and praying that something will happen to make a difference, to switch her sullen mood toward a joyful smile.
And so, it was with hopeful promise that I registered both girls at a summer day camp for a few weeks. Activities! Fun! Games! How could I possibly go wrong?
When my 13-year-old told me, “I said I didn’t want to do that,” I guess that should have been a warning sign. But I laughed it off. Sure, “you’ll have a great time!” I told her. But as school ended and the days drew near, she became even more adament and frustrated with me. She was going to have a bad time. It was going to be awful.
Still, I was hopeful.
And then the night before, she became even more insistent that she didn’t want to go to the camp. She stated matter of factly that she would not go.
I hugged her, told her I understood and that I was so sorry she felt that way … but she was still going.
Day 1, I took her (sullen-faced and all) and her little sister to the camp, signed them in and left quickly, thinking, “It’ll be fine. She’ll make friends. She’ll smile again.”
That afternoon, my husband picked them up and then called me. “One loved it, and one hated it. Guess which one,” he said. That evening I got to hear about how boring it had been and my heart sank a little that I had pushed her into something she didn’t like.
But on Day 2, the clouds of despair parted, hope shined just a little (must’ve been the wind). “How was it today?” I asked. “It wasn’t as bad today,” she said. And by Day 3 she was able to traipse off to camp with nary a tear or outburst. — Linda Lynn
When do you stick your nose in?
I’m a fairly new parent so I know I have much to learn. One thing I could definitely use some input on is when to say something and when to keep quiet when it comes to other parents.
I recently encountered a situation in a parking lot of a strip mall. I parked next to a woman who was using some pretty excessive force on her child in the back seat, in plain view, door wide open. It was actually quite disturbing. I won’t give details, but I’ll just say a belt was involved. I sat there and wondered what I should do. Do I confront this seemingly crazy woman? Do I call the police? Do I pretend I didn’t see anything? I called my friend who is a former Oklahoma County sheriff. She said that if it looks bad enough to me that I should call the police and let them handle it. She made a good point: If the woman is brazen enough to do this in a public parking lot, then how, God forbid, does she “discipline” her kids in the privacy of their home? So I took her advice. I called the police. The response was actually a bit infuriating. Dispatch and the responding officer said the same thing – “how a parent chooses to discipline their child is their business.” I asked the officer, “so then there is no line between child abuse and discipline?” He couldn’t give me an answer.
Here’s another situation. I’m at White Water Bay last weekend and I see a parent there with a small child – probably between 1 – 2 years old. The parent isn’t using any sunscreen and I could see the child burning up in the sun before my eyes. Her bright red skin looked so painful, but I didn’t say anything. Soon the guilt set in that maybe I should have offered my sunscreen to her at least, in a gesture where maybe she could “get the hint.” But then again, she wasn’t my child. Do I have the right to interefere?
I don’t want to be on “parent patrol” because I know that I, myself, am far from perfect. But when incidents like these find themselves in my presence, I find it hard not to step in for the sake of the kids.
How would you handle these types of situations? Do you find yourself getting involved with people’s parenting? Let me know on here or e-mail me at esmith@oklahoman.com. I’d love to hear thoughts from other parents.
-Erica Smith
Kindness of strangers
Most of the time when I go out, whether it is to the mall, or grocery store, or Target, it is just my son and me. He is my little “shopper.” I started him at a young age – 1 week old. I have a niece just a tad older than Hunter and her parents can’t take her anywhere. But if Hunter even just sees a mall, he’ll start yelling “SHOP SHOP!!” It really is a mom’s dream.
The only hard thing about just the two of us shopping together is trying to do the little things a third person would normally do, like holding the door open as I’m pushing Hunter’s stroller through. Or balancing the food tray on one hand and using the other to try to steer him toward a clean table in the food court. Or trying to squeeze us and his stroller into a small bathroom stall because I don’t have someone to watch him while I go.
So when people hold a door open or just help in some other little way, they probably don’t think much of it. But to me, it means the world. I was in Wal-Mart over the weekend for my weekly huge grocery run. Hunter was strapped into his shopping cart cover (best invention ever!) and I had just unloaded the bags into the trunk. His shoes were caught and I was struggling to get him out with one hand, and in my other hand, I had my purse and the bag with bread to put in the front seat. Right then a very nice man stopped and held the end of the cart so I could free Hunter. Then he took the cart down to the cart “corral” for me. He only had one bag of his own, but took the time to walk past his own car with my cart to put it back for me.
He probably never gave it a second thought, but for me, it meant that I didn’t have to struggle with the cart for five minutes and get frustrated. It meant that I got home those five minutes quicker and used them to enjoy the company of my little “shopper.”
-Erica Smith
Mommy Guilt
As a mom, I often feel guilty about things that are probably not as bad as I make them out to be.
I’ve already written about the struggles of getting a toddler to eat. So of course comes the guilt of “is he getting enough veggies? ” or “am I a bad mom for taking my kid to McDonald’s in Wal-Mart when I know he won’t make it through a 2-hour shopping trip without a Happy Meal?”
Along with these guilts, I have many more, as I’m sure other parents do, especially single parents who can’t do it all.
1. Reading. Everywhere you look and listen, it is the same message. “Read to your child 20 minutes a day.” I’m actually better about getting this done than other things. But I do have the occasional day where there aren’t those 20 minutes. Will my child then be behind his classmates in junior high or not get into college?
2. Playtime, or lack of. We are enrolled in the READY! For Kindergarten classes offered by Putnam City School District (which I highly recommend to parents in that district). One of the things they emphasize is to set aside “educational play time” each day with your child. This seems easy enough, right? Wrong. How do you know if you are playing “educationally” enough? What if you’re attention is divided between helping solve a puzzle and dinner burning on the stove? What if you’re just too tired? Usually I make up for any missed playtime on the weekends with a trip to the park or zoo or something else fun. But is this enough?
3. Screen time. Something else you hear about everywhere. “Limit your child’s screen time (i.e. TV, computer) to 3o minutes a day.” Well if that’s the case, my boy has used up his daily limit before we even head out the door in the morning. Between Sesame Street and the Today show, he has had his fill. But as single parents, sometimes we have to use the TV as a tool to get other things done around the house. Should I just disconnect the television altogether? Because as long as it’s there, I’m bound to veg out on the couch and enjoy a healthy dose of reality television after a day at work. Does this mean my child will turn into a slacking couch potato?
Ahhh, the guilts of motherhood. Is there any escape? My mom sent me a wonderful book about moms for Mother’s Day. Inside the cover she wrote, “Good job, Erica.”
That’s the greatest compliment a mom could hear.
-Erica Smith
