Recently, The New York Times had an article about the surge in sharing kids’ photos online.  Many parents use sites such as Flickr, Facebook, MySpace, YouTube and other social networking sites to share countless moments of their kiddos – whether they’re in a Halloween costume, at Grandma’s house or (gasp!) playing in the tub.  But in some cases, photos have ended up used in ways not intended by the parent.

Some examples include photos of baby being passed off as someone else’s who is faking a pregnancy; use of children’s head shots on profiles on a social networking site in Brazil, even getting “sexy” ratings.  And of course, parents are concerned about pedophiles singling out their children and in turn finding out where they live. 

But some parents say this is the age of the Internet.  No longer are moms and dads sending pictures of their children through the mail to the grandparents in another state.  These days, grandma and grandpa are hooked to the Web to see instant pictures. 

So is it exploitation or unsafe to post pictures?  Or are the fears irrational and this is just how the 21st century is? It’s a decision only parents can make.  But if you do post pics, be sure to use password-protected Web sites and always check your privacy settings on these sites.  

And when given the choice of “Share with the world” or “Private” … don’t always go with what the site “recommends.”  Go with your gut instinct instead.

-Erica Smith
esmith@opubco.com

As a parent of a toddler, I knew I couldn’t possibly be the only one who experiences the store -induced temper tantrums, the difficulties with getting him to eat, and dealing with this little person who is constantly asserting his independence.

I was greatly assured that yes, thankfully, my child is completely normal and not a pint-sized T-Rex.

Here are seven great tips I learned:

1. Don’t ask questions that require simply a yes or no answer.  Instead, give your toddler some choices.  But be sure you can live with any of the choices.

2. Avoid power struggles.  It takes two to argue, so take yourself out of the equation. Consider allowing him to be his own boss, unless he poses harm to himself or others.

3. Children won’t do what doesn’t work.  Ignore temper tantrums. Easier said than done, but if you want the tantrums to stop, you’ll have to stop reacting to them.

4. Make a statement. When talking to him about his day, don’t ask questions, but instead make statements.  I tried this and it works!  Instead of “Did you play outside today?” try “So you played outside today!” You’ll get lots more response from your little person.

5.  Use descriptive commentary.  Like a sports announcer, talk about what they’re doing as they’re doing it.  It promotes conversation, builds vocabulary and makes them feel important.

6. Focus on behaviors you want, not the ones you don’t want.  Instead of “stop running” say “I like it when you walk next to Mommy.”  And always be specific in your praise. Just saying “Good girl” won’t let them know what exactly they’re being good about.

7. Use humor, and keep your sense of humor.  Your toddler is learning to be an independent person and it can be a fun time if you just let it happen.

The health department has a great lineup of workshops and parent talks.  I highly recommend attending. Their staff is knowledgeable and they give great advice. Go to www.occhd.org and click on the Parent Express Newsletter or call 425-4412 to find out what’s coming to a location near you.

-Erica Smith
esmith@opubco.com

Sponsored by the Oklahoma City-County Health Department, “Common Challenges with Toddlers” is a free program focusing on common issues of this age group, including temper tantrums, biting and trouble sharing.   Parents will learn how to minimize their frustrations with these behaviors and learn solutions to help put an end to them.

The program is from 3:30 to 5 p.m. at the library, 10 S. Boulevard.

If you want to enroll, call 425-4412.  If you can’t go, no worries.  I’ll be there taking very detailed notes and I’ll be sharing what I learn and posting it here. 

-Erica Smith
esmith@opubco.com

So there he is … signed up for everything I could get my hands on.  Gymnastics: One night a week.  Swim lessons: Two nights a week.  Soccer: Practice one night, and games on the weekends.   Yes, he’s only 3.

There may be a misconception here that I’m sort of a stage mom.  A “boys-need-sports” stage mom.  But really, I just want my toddler to be active from an early age and to experience various sports so that he’ll be open to more than just one activity.  I don’t want him to get into couch-potato mode.

I just know that all the running around can leave me a bit running-ragged.  My son seems to enjoy it but ends up pretty cranky by the time it’s time to go home or leave the activity.  Carrying him kicking and screaming through the gymnastics facility’s parking lot makes me wonder if it’s really worth it. 

Any thoughts?  Do you have your young children in sports?  How do you make sure you have enough down time in your child’s day?  Comment here or email me at esmith@opubco.com

-Erica Smith

THE TODDLER BED.

For two hours last weekend, I converted my son’s crib, Transformer-style, into a toddler bed.  My son was ecstatic. I was relieved. “A big boy bed!” 

I dutifully padded the floor around it, just in case of an accidental roll-out. I tucked him in for a nap and he did great.  No major injuries, no crying fits. Then came the real test … sleeping through the night.   I put him to bed, woke up the next morning and my first thought was “Wow! That worked! How easy is this!” 

Not so fast.

There they were.  Two little feet nestled next to my head.  My son sound asleep next to me.  A middle-of-the-night escape.

OK, I thought … so maybe it would take a night or two for him to get used to his bed.  Maybe he got scared.  Maybe there’s dinosaurs in his closet.  But now it’s Friday.  And I’m still waking up every morning to a visitor in my bed. 

Now, I’ve seen all the nanny shows on TV.  I’ve seen parents repeatedly put their kids back into their own beds, where they belong.  But what do you do when they sneak out of their bed every night and you don’t know until you have a knee in your rib or an arm draped over your head the next morning?

If you have any ideas, short of deadbolting his door shut, please let me know! 

-Erica Smith, Copy Editor
esmith@opubco.com

He has tried to tone it down for me a bit since then … even reminding me, “Mommy, remember don’t say hi.”

But Shari, a Hiccups reader, offered me some perspective on it.  Her daughter, Penelope, was also a chatty one growing up.  She tried methods I’m pretty familiar with … no eye contact, directing my responses only my child, trying to hurry in stores.   Not only because she didn’t feel like talking (much like me) but also for her daughter’s safety.

Growing up, Penelope continued to be social, meeting interesting people and being able to share interesting stories.

Her advice: Watch my son closely, but allow him the joy of being friendly.  She said he’ll go far in life with an outgoing personality. 

Thank you, Shari.  I sincerely hope I’m not stifling my little boy.  Maybe I just need to relax a little and be more willing to sacrifice my own quiet time to let him be himself. 

-Erica Smith, Copy Editor
esmith@opubco.com

Let’s take, for instance, the mall.  Nothing lures a pushy salesperson like a friendly toddler.  If they ooh and ahh and interact with your child for any extended amount of time, you automatically feel obligated to buy something.

How about wanting some quiet time out shopping?  It seems  like everytime he says hi to someone, it starts a conversation between me and the other person.  Sometimes I just don’t feel chatty.  Actually, most of the time I’m out running errands or shopping, I don’t feel particularly chatty.

And then there’s the leery guy lurking around … you know the one.  My boy always gives them the big “Hi!” and I suddenly feel uneasy.  And I can’t help but think if this is how predators lure away little kids – kids who unknowingly give them the OK.

So what am I do to?  I hate trying to inhibit my little boy’s personality but in this day and age, you have to be prudent. So I told him plainly to please stop saying hi to everyone.  I thought that worked until he told the lady at the shoe counter, and then everyone else, “Please don’t say hi to me.”

How do you combat stranger danger?  Let me know by commenting here or emailing me at esmith@opubco.com.  

-Erica Smith, Copy Editor

What’s for supper?

Whether you call it supper, dinner or whatever, what it means in my house most of the time is, “What is Mom going to fix tonight?”

My husband doesn’t cook, so thankfully he’ll throw out the idea of takeout, which I gladly latch onto if I’ve had a particularly tiring day.

With two parents working outside the home, it’s difficult to get a balanced meal on the table when my children are hungry.

My mom used to suggest I cook on the weekends and then freeze the food. Yes. That would be a good idea, but, so far, I haven’t successfully done this.

Then, there is the crockpot moms who always have a meal waiting for them when they get home. Yes. That’s a good idea, too.

This week, we have had chicken Dorito casserole (I made), Sonic burgers and lasagna/broccoli/bread (I defrosted and shoved it in the oven).

This morning, I washed strawberries, blueberries and blackberries, placed them in a tray and stuck those in the refrigerator for after-school snacking.

I don’t think this is a bad run for the week, but I still labor over this. I have no idea what we will eat tonight.

If it were just me, I’d probably eat cereal.

Do any of you struggle with evening meals? Or have you overcome the last-minute rush?

Share your ideas (and recipes!) that have fed your successful meal planning.

–Linda Lynn

llynn@opubco.com

HECK.

Yep, heck.  Now at first, I thought maybe he shouldn’t be saying it so I didn’t really respond when his teacher told me (well, spelled out) what he had said and how she handled it (she put him in timeout).

But over the weekend, as we watched the kids’ movies Madagascar and Cars, I realized that they say “heck” in those movies (both of which they’ve actually watched at day care).  

So what do you think?  Do you think his teachers are overreacting or do you think “heck” should be considered a bad word? 

Comment here or email me your thoughts.

~Erica Smith, Copy Editor

esmith@opubco.com

This week, Katie, my 14-year-old, asked if she and a friend could be dropped at the mall on a Friday evening to see a movie. This is not the first time this discussion has occurred at our house. And, once before, my husband did let her see a movie with friends without supervision, but it was during the day.

The first time I let Katie even walk the mall alone with friends was at her 14th birthday party. But I stayed and pushed her little brother around in a stroller while they “did their own thing.”

Lenore Skenazy has received support and flack for letting her young son ride a subway by himself. She is the author of “Free-Range Kids.”  

Skenazy encourages parents to let their children roam and experience new things by themselves, empowering them to be individuals and not live in fear.

I admit this is just the opposite of how I continue to raise my children. I know I’m “too” protective by some standards. Yes. I used to roam all over our 200-acre farm when I was younger. I would go fishing and exploring by myself. And, although it wasn’t my choice, at 14 years old I walked the streets of Washington, D.C., when I was separated from my Close Up tour group. The next day, about five of us (without adults) rode the subway and toured our nation’s well-known monuments and museums.

I loved the experience. 

So, why do I try so hard to shelter my children from their own adventures?

I live in fear of ”what if.” I read the newspaper. I watch the news shows. And I’m appalled and scared by what might could happen.

Is there maybe a happy medium? But what would that be?

Share with me your stories of letting your children experience independence. Do you let them walk alone to school, the grocery store or snowcone shack? What are your limits on your children’s independence?

– Linda Lynn

llynn@opubco.com