A moment of mortification
I really need some help with a very awkward and embarrassing situation I experienced over the weekend.
My son is in a class at the zoo. It meets once a month, and it is specific to his age. All the children in the class are 2 years old. The class is terrific and I highly recommend it to anyone. They have different age groups so any child can sign up. The cost is $10-$12 per class. In his class, they do learning activities, look at exhibits, do crafts and read stories.
On Saturday, we were in the craft portion of the class. All the kids sit at tables and the parents are right there with them. My son takes a spot next to a little blond girl. I didn’t notice at first, but she apparently suffers from a skin disorder, maybe psoriasis or something along those lines. Her skin was red and blotchy and looked to be peeling. But I didn’t think twice about it and so we started working on the craft.
About 5 minutes into it, my son looks over at her, points to her arm and lets out a huge “EWWWWW!!!” complete with scrunched-up nose and big grin. I think my heart stopped. I could feel her parents’ eyes on me and I immediately turned red. I was mortified. I didn’t know what to do. I went on instinct and tried to cover as best as I could by saying “yes, Hunter, ewww, you got glue on your hands!”
What do we do in a situation like that? I couldn’t punish him – after all, he is only two. If I tried to talk to him about it afterward, he would have long forgotten about what I was even referring to.
Please, fellow parents, tell me how you would handle that and if you have had a similar situation happen to you. I really need some advice on this because I have a sneaky suspicion this won’t be the last time!
~Erica Smith
Opportunity Alert: Words can hurt
Today the film “Tropic Thunder,” opens. The New York Times reports that the Special Olympics along with various other disability organizations will be boycotting the film due to its derogatory use of the word retard.
I get it. I get satire. I get that the point was to make fun of the lengths that Hollywood will go to win awards, the boundaries of exploitation they do not respect for a statuette and the insane tactics to win roles. I get it. And it is a good point.
And I really want to not be disappointed in Ben Stiller, who I once was willing to convert to Judaism in order to marry. And if you’ve started rolling your eyes already at this post, I’m not an oversensitive or easily offended person. I was on a cheerleading squad (a detail about my life that I don’t let slip often) for five years with girls whose grossness knew no boundaries and defied imagination. If you don’t believe me ask your friendly neighbor cheerleader.
What I think Ben and apparently every other person who made the movie, and many people who don’t have someone with a disability close to them, fail to get is the power of the word retard.
I hate to ever compare anything to the n-word because I don’t think that any other word in the history of words has been filled with as much hate. But if you ever saw my brother’s face when someone called him a retard, you might understand how close the word comes. His little face emblazoned with all of the characteristics of Down syndrome cringe in pain .
So justify the use of the word in the name of satire all you want, it will never be funny to me. I get satire. But I’ve also got an understanding of how deep the word retard used in certain context can cut.
So while this is in the news it is a good opportunity for parents, if they choose to take it, to explain how painful words can be.
- Lindsey Johnson
Too early for ‘Mom’
My 2-year-old son has a new word in his vocabulary: Mom.
I was surprised at first, since I started as “Mama” and have been “Mommy” ever since he was about 9 months old. ‘Mom’ sounded kind of … well … weird to me and I’m not sure I like it.
I always pictured being “Mommy” until he was in about 6th grade or at least until he started worrying about what his friends thought. But at 2? It’s too early. Especially for me.
I know he’s probably just trying out something new and he probably got the idea from that Kenmore refrigerator commercial where all the kids are yelling “Mom! Mom?” that seems to be on all the time. But it makes me a bit sad, like things are going way too fast.
When did your kids start calling you Mom (or Dad) and did it hurt … just a little?
Let me know here or email esmith@oklahoman.com.
I’d love to know I’m not alone on this!
-Erica Smith
Moving up is hard to do
I’ve been through a lot of changes with my son and he has accepted each one without resistance and with a big smile. I always thought that no matter what, I could make anything better, because, well, I am Mom and that’s my job.
My 2-year-old has been promoted recently at daycare. He has been promoted a few times in his 2 years … from the newborn class, to the first toddler class, to the second. But in his new 2-year-old class, he is having a very hard time and it leaves me not knowing how to make it better.
He used to love going to “school.” In fact, some days, I couldn’t get him to leave with me at the end of the day. He talked about all his friends on our way there and tried to tell me about his day on the way home. He woke up excited to go every morning.
Now, it is a struggle to get him out of his crib. He doesn’t want to eat. He is silent the entire drive there and when he gets there, he reaches for his old classroom’s door and starts screaming and crying when I bring him into the new room.
His teacher said that a few children have had a hard time adjusting, even though they are with their friends. They have a lot less freedom and more structure, to prepare them for preschool. She said it should get better in a few weeks, but any parent knows how hard it is to leave a crying child who is reaching for you, to makes things better.
I feel helpless, but I know it has to get better.
Today I left him crying again, but just as I left, his teacher ran out to catch me so that I could see him through the window. He had stopped crying and was sitting down at the table, painting me a picture. The roles reversed … today, my little man made me feel better.
-Erica Smith
My son did WHAT??
We all have that nightmare … that we go to pick up our child at daycare or school and we get “the talk” … the talk about something horribly wrong they did …
As many other parents here, I have my 2-year-old son in the OPUBCO Child Development Center. Friday afternoon, I leave work and go pick him up. As I walk in among other parents, I hear the lady at the front desk tell the others ”we had a fire drill today.” How nice. They really take the kids’ safety seriously over there. Fire drills and tornado drills. Makes my day at work more at ease knowing my boy is in such a safe environment.
So I walk back to his classroom to pick him up. The two girls who take care of his class, God love ’em, gave me “the look.” It’s the look that you know something’s coming, but you’re not sure what. All you know is that it won’t be good.
“Hunter pulled the fire alarm today.”
“My son did WHAT??”
“He pulled the fire alarm today. We had to call off the fire trucks and the entire building had to evacuate.”
“My son did WHAT??”
I was shocked, yes, but I must admit a part of me wanted to laugh hysterically. Of course, I tried my best to maintain my composure, however, as pulling fire alarms is NO laughing matter. Even if the accused is only 30 inches tall and … can he really reach the alarm? Apparently so.
“We told him not to touch it anymore. We were all quite startled when the alarm went off. But we looked over and Hunter was walking away from it, with a look of ‘Uh-oh’ on his face.”
After many apologies, I scoop up my little innocent toddler (maybe not so innocent after all) and we leave the classroom. As I’m about to break free … the infant-room teacher sees me in the hall and says, excitedly, “Did you hear that Hunter pulled the fire alarm?!?”
Yes, I did. As I’m sure anyone within a half-mile radius did too.
-Erica Smith
Crossing my fingers and pushing her forward
My daughters have subtle similarities. They like some of the same things, and they both are pretty bright. But their outlook on new situations and new activities are night and day.
While my youngest daughter adapts quickly to new surroundings and wants to do whatever “fun thing” is available, my oldest daughter is more leary, reserved and decides quickly that she is not going to have a good time.
I might as well give up right then … but I don’t. I push her just a little more, hoping and praying that something will happen to make a difference, to switch her sullen mood toward a joyful smile.
And so, it was with hopeful promise that I registered both girls at a summer day camp for a few weeks. Activities! Fun! Games! How could I possibly go wrong?
When my 13-year-old told me, “I said I didn’t want to do that,” I guess that should have been a warning sign. But I laughed it off. Sure, “you’ll have a great time!” I told her. But as school ended and the days drew near, she became even more adament and frustrated with me. She was going to have a bad time. It was going to be awful.
Still, I was hopeful.
And then the night before, she became even more insistent that she didn’t want to go to the camp. She stated matter of factly that she would not go.
I hugged her, told her I understood and that I was so sorry she felt that way … but she was still going.
Day 1, I took her (sullen-faced and all) and her little sister to the camp, signed them in and left quickly, thinking, “It’ll be fine. She’ll make friends. She’ll smile again.”
That afternoon, my husband picked them up and then called me. “One loved it, and one hated it. Guess which one,” he said. That evening I got to hear about how boring it had been and my heart sank a little that I had pushed her into something she didn’t like.
But on Day 2, the clouds of despair parted, hope shined just a little (must’ve been the wind). “How was it today?” I asked. “It wasn’t as bad today,” she said. And by Day 3 she was able to traipse off to camp with nary a tear or outburst. — Linda Lynn
The Isle of Checkout
I hate those experiences that you look back on and think, “What was I thinking? I’m smarter than that.” However, these are often the ones that give us the most laughs – several days later.
This weekend after playing in the fountains in Bricktown until 9 on Friday night, two birthday parties, an over-night at Nana and Papa’s, a 20-mile ride around Draper Lake in a cart behind their father’s bike, and a walk around the park with our new puppy, I took my tired, hungry and dirty little girls to Wal-Mart on Sunday evening. What was I thinking? I am smarter than that.
It started off well. Everyone was complaint with their seating arrangement in the cart. I strolled through the garden section real fast, just in case there was something there I couldn’t live without. What was I thinking? I am smarter than that. While the children are happy you make a mad dash through the store grabbing everything as quick as you can as if your very life depended on it because they are soon going to realize that they are tired and hungry.
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When do you stick your nose in?
I’m a fairly new parent so I know I have much to learn. One thing I could definitely use some input on is when to say something and when to keep quiet when it comes to other parents.
I recently encountered a situation in a parking lot of a strip mall. I parked next to a woman who was using some pretty excessive force on her child in the back seat, in plain view, door wide open. It was actually quite disturbing. I won’t give details, but I’ll just say a belt was involved. I sat there and wondered what I should do. Do I confront this seemingly crazy woman? Do I call the police? Do I pretend I didn’t see anything? I called my friend who is a former Oklahoma County sheriff. She said that if it looks bad enough to me that I should call the police and let them handle it. She made a good point: If the woman is brazen enough to do this in a public parking lot, then how, God forbid, does she “discipline” her kids in the privacy of their home? So I took her advice. I called the police. The response was actually a bit infuriating. Dispatch and the responding officer said the same thing – “how a parent chooses to discipline their child is their business.” I asked the officer, “so then there is no line between child abuse and discipline?” He couldn’t give me an answer.
Here’s another situation. I’m at White Water Bay last weekend and I see a parent there with a small child – probably between 1 – 2 years old. The parent isn’t using any sunscreen and I could see the child burning up in the sun before my eyes. Her bright red skin looked so painful, but I didn’t say anything. Soon the guilt set in that maybe I should have offered my sunscreen to her at least, in a gesture where maybe she could “get the hint.” But then again, she wasn’t my child. Do I have the right to interefere?
I don’t want to be on “parent patrol” because I know that I, myself, am far from perfect. But when incidents like these find themselves in my presence, I find it hard not to step in for the sake of the kids.
How would you handle these types of situations? Do you find yourself getting involved with people’s parenting? Let me know on here or e-mail me at esmith@oklahoman.com. I’d love to hear thoughts from other parents.
-Erica Smith
To eat or not to eat …
Having a toddler brings with it great joys. The smiles, the giggles, the hugs. Dinnertime, however, can be a frustrating battle of wills.
When my son Hunter, who recently turned 2, first started eating table food, I thought “wow, this is easy.” He was easy to please and ate like a horse. Now that he realizes that he does indeed have a mind of his own and has a choice in the matter, things are a bit different. I will set down his plate of food. He examines it. He wrinkles his nose. He looks at me. And then it inevitably comes … “I DON’T WANT IT!” The first four-word sentence my son learns and it just had to be that one.
My parents always told me “This isn’t an all-night diner,” meaning, if you don’t like what you’re given, you don’t get to order something else. I am desperately trying to instill this philosophy in my own home now, with great encouragement from my son’s pediatrician.
His doctor said that especially for toddlers, if they won’t eat what you give them, you simply cover it up and put it in the fridge. If they get hungry enough, they’ll eat it later. But as a parent, this is easier said than done. The last thing you want is to send a child to bed hungry or keep him up past his bedtime in hopes that he asks for the chicken nuggets you made hours before. But the other voice in your head says “if you give in once, you’ll have to give in every time.” So here we are. The nuggets in the fridge. The hungry toddler. The voice in my head. What to do?
I’ve looked at some great parenting resources and I feel good knowing I’m not alone in this struggle and I’m doing the right thing. Babycenter.com says that parents with toddlers who refuse to eat really shouldn’t worry because parents need to take into account fluids, especially milk, when looking at their child’s food intake. Also, while looking at how much a toddler eats, parents should look at it over the course of a week, not just what they consume in a particular day. As long as they are steadily gaining weight and have a good level of energy, they are getting the fuel they need.
Of course, if you have concerns about your child’s eating behavior or food intake, you should always get the advice of your child’s doctor or other professional.
And I know Hunter is gaining weight because we got his “Look at me grow!” sticker at his last checkup just 3 weeks ago.
A healthy 30 pounds, those chicken nuggets got in that belly somehow.
-Erica Smith
Risque business for Miley Cyrus?
Parents of “’tweens” and younger children have probably heard by now about the controversial photos of Miley Cyrus that will appear in the upcoming issue of Vanity Fair magazine. To some, the photos by Annie Leibovitz are suggestive and inappropriate for the 15-year-old star of the Disney sitcom “Hannah Montana” and the clean image that Cyrus projects to her fans. Others, who think the photos are artistic and classical, wonder what all the fuss is about.
In any case, she (but especially her parents) should have known that provocative photos of a 15-year-old girl, even if innocent, would take on a life of their own among her young fans and the parents who are trying to protect them from the smuttiness of today’s world.
I don’t know what Cyrus hoped to accomplish with those photos — a more grown-up image, perhaps? — or if she was just having fun with a renowned photographer and in awe of the spectacle of being Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus and the doors that the character has opened for her.
As parents, we try to stay on guard to make sure good judgment prevails when it comes to our children, long before people are saying, “well, hindsight is 20/20, but … ”
