Electing Hilary was putting a woman in the white house. Electing Sarah is putting a mom in the white house. Hillary’s child is grown and no longer depends on her the way an 8-year-old and a 4-month-old depend on a mother, not to mention three other children one of which is a 17-year-old mother to be. And while a mother’s work is never finished no matter how old her children are, her role in their lives changes dramatically over time.

With Palin we’re asked to re-examine a mother and father’s role in the family and to develop new standards and expectations. And I’m not saying this is a bad thing necessarily. But in general a mother’s role in nurturing is much more involved than a father’s. In general, fathers tend to be able to say I have a late meeting or I’d like to go do X and slip on out. While mothers IN GENERAL have to solve the kid puzzle if they have a late meeting or want to go do X all by themselves … arrange pick-ups, drop-offs, meal plans and often still cook, lay out pajamas, etc. And maybe it is not so much that mothers are actually expected to handle all of this, but more they feel like they should or feel like it is expected of them.
In my own little family, it is my husband who has stayed at home with our youngest daughter all summer. It is he who generally bathes the children. He is the one that does the laundry and gives me crusty looks when I forget the Spray and Wash. He’s probably changed more diapers than I have. Our roles in the family are not 1950s by any stretch of the imagination. I’m a fiercely independent woman. I’m strong and determined and was raised to believe I can do anything I want by another fiercely independent woman who is strong and determined. But I can’t imagine growing up with out complete access to that woman. I wouldn’t have been able to get through my second gymnastics meet if she hadn’t had gotten me over my shyness with a special magic leotard. I surely would have died by now with out her behind me constantly saying, “Lindsey! People die that way.” And on more than one occasion when words really did hurt, she picked me up brushed me off and showed me I was important in a way that only a mother can.

And during the Republican National Convention I watched a strong well-spoken funny spunky woman who I’d really like to meet and have lunch with, yet I kept finding myself wanting to cry for Piper and Trig, who potentially won’t have quite as easy access to their mother. And maybe in their family this has all been worked out and they don’t need my empathy.

It’s not necessarily a fair position for a mother to be in … to have to choose opportunities of a lifetime over her small children. But often a mother does and in a way that fathers do not have to or are scorned for doing so.

In my own very non-first-woman-to-do-something, not out-in-the-public life have been passed over for promotions, cool assignments and even stock options because I was either pregnant or the mother of young children. I’ve overheard, “we can’t give that to Lindsey; she has a baby.” I’ve been told to my face, “I’d like to promote you, you’re perfect for the position, but we feel we sort of have to protect ourselves and you may say that you are going to come back after having the baby, but you may change your mind once the baby comes.” And yes all of the above are technically illegal. But clearly there are some limits to my schedule as a mother of small children.

But, Sarah Palin stood up and said not mine. I can be the Vice President of the United States and the mother of five children. However I’m not so sure if I want to say “go get ‘em,” or invite Piper to come live with me.

So I’m not exactly sure what I’m getting at other than I totally don’t feel it is right to hold a woman back … that you can have your children and have major career also. But I know how hard it is to balance my schedule at work with being a parent and I’m not even the vice president of company much less of the United States. But in the wise words of my friend Lillie-Beth, “Something’s gotta give.” So I guess I’m utterly conflicted on what I think about her committing to this opportunity. Because I would hate someone to look me over because I have small children, but I also feel like my kids need me. I think kids need both parents. But I don’t want someone else limiting my opportunities based on assumptions that I wouldn’t be able to handle something because of my young family’s needs.

So what do you think? Is it fair to view Sarah Palin as a mother? How do you balance your career and motherhood or fatherhood? How would you raise you children in Alaska while serving as the Vice President in Washingon, D.C.?

- Lindsey Johnson

Of all the parenting things that I am completely clueless about paying a babysitter somehow tops the list. It seems like when I was a kid the going rate was around $5 an hour. If you washed the dishes and bathed the kids you might be able to expect a little on the top. But now that I am the payer and not the payee I have no clue what to shell out. What is an acceptable per hour amount for an evening on the town without the kids? And if you are going to have a babysitter come for more than just date night what do you pay? Like if you were going to be in a wedding and needed someone from noon to midnight. Or if you were going away overnight. What do you pay then?

-  Lindsey Johnson

Take a single serving container of yogurt put it in the freezer for one hour then stick a popcycle stick in it. Pop it back in the freezer for 6 hours to over night. When you’re cooking dinner and the mama-can-I’s start give the plastic a little whack on the counter, which not only loosens the frozen yogurt from the container, but is also a little bit of strategic intimidation – back-off-or-you’ll-be-next. Slide the frozen yogurt popcycle out of the plastic. Smile and hand it over. Your kids are appeased and just the right amount of scared to leave you alone while you finish cooking.

What a wonderful way to use up those almost expired Dora yogurt cups my daughter insists on but never eats.

It’s great ya’ll

- Lindsey Johnson

ljohnson@opubco.com

I get it. I get satire. I get that the point was to make fun of the lengths that Hollywood will go to win awards, the boundaries of exploitation they do not respect for a statuette and the insane tactics to win roles. I get it. And it is a good point.

And I really want to not be disappointed in Ben Stiller, who I once was willing to convert to Judaism in order to marry. And if you’ve started rolling your eyes already at this post, I’m not an oversensitive or easily offended person. I was on a cheerleading squad (a detail about my life that I don’t let slip often) for five years with girls whose grossness knew no boundaries and defied imagination. If you don’t believe me ask your friendly neighbor cheerleader.

What I think Ben and apparently every other person who made the movie, and many people who don’t have someone with a disability close to them, fail to get is the power of the word retard.

I hate to ever compare anything to the n-word because I don’t think that any other word in the history of words has been filled with as much hate. But if you ever saw my brother’s face when someone called him a retard, you might understand how close the word comes. His little face emblazoned with all of the characteristics of Down syndrome cringe in pain .

So justify the use of the word in the name of satire all you want, it will never be funny to me. I get satire. But I’ve also got an understanding of how deep the word retard used in certain context can cut.

So while this is in the news it is a good opportunity for parents, if they choose to take it, to explain how painful words can be.

- Lindsey Johnson

6 to 9 tends to be irritable, short-tempered and just plain ugly. 6 to 9 says stop asking me questions I need to get X done. I don’t have time to color right now we have to be at X place by X time. No I can’t go fishing with you, I have to go to work. Now go to bed.

But why? Why on God’s beautiful green earth does 6 to 9 move so incredibly fast? It takes everything in me to get home, food down my kid’s throats, baths, books, some semblance of play in and to bed before 9. And really a 3-year-old should probably be in bed by 8.

Some nights I get them all tucked into bed and realize that we didn’t even play. We didn’t laugh. We didn’t just do nothing together. No one chased anyone around the couch and down the hall. No one found a frog or firefly. No one did something for the very first time.

So, Universe here is my plea. Please speed up noon to 3 because you are aware of how much nothing I can cram into that span of time and put the breaks on 6 to 9 so that I have more time to do nothing with my family.

Sincerely,
Lindsey Johnson

ljohnson@opubco.com

This was coming from a guy who spent the last two years working a full-time job, taking organic chemistry, physics and other masochistic classes and drove me to the hospital to have a baby in his spare time. Last semester he had class three nights a week, worked during the day and studied for the MCAT the rest of the time. He still managed a trip or two to the zoo and the laundry. Yes the laundry. My husband does the laundry. He sprung up to Colorado Springs to help his mom out when she was sick. And since school got out in May, he’s kept our 1-year-old with him at home while he works and studies. He juggles babies willingly in restaurants and if a child needs a change he is the first to jump. And not that I’m-jumping-to-make-it-look-like-I’m-really-going-change-the-baby-but-know-that-you-will-anyway jump. It is a sincere, honey-you-eat-I’ll-take-this-one jump. He can make pigtails with hair pretties. He can remember to have fun when I’m totally irritated that our 3-year-old won’t listen or the baby is screaming because she is tired. He recently rolled three suitcases and carried one child on his back through two airports, while I carried my 3-year-old’s Dora backpack. And he is always goofey, onery him. No matter what we make him do, he always stays him. This week he climbed onto the roof to clean out our dryer vent thing, did laundry, picked our dog up from the vet, took our 3-year-old to swimming lessons a couple of times, and today he is taking the MCAT. The biggest test he’s taken in his whole life to date. And he says to me, “I’m sorry I can’t help with the girls this morning.”

So this morning honey, I guess I’ll let that go. I’ll get them ready by myself this morning. I think you’ve done your part.

Yep. That’s my husband.

- Lindsey Johnson

For my husband and I one child didn’t really change anything. We still went hiking, biking, traveled and hung out with our friends, who most had their first child about the same time. We out-fitted ourselves with some cool new gear and just continued our lives as normal.

We’d sit at a restaurant eating leisurely dinners with friends and when it was time for the baby to eat, I’d feed her because you don’t get crusty looks in Colorado for nursing your baby at the dinner table … or anywhere really including sitting at the bar where it is not illegal for a baby to be. A couple of weeks after our first was born we drove to Moab, Utah to hike around Arches National Park with my mom. I attached a cart to the back of my bike for my commute to work and she rode and smiled. We took her to the movie theatre. She slept through church service and post church service breakfast. She slept through the night at six weeks. Of course I understand that I had a very easy baby – she didn’t even cry when she was born, which is exactly what made all this possible. And right now if you are saying to yourself, “that is so unfair,” my kid peed on my rotisserie chicken last Sunday so don’t tell me what is not fair. I’m getting mine now.

I was reading George Lang’s column today about Mates of State, who my husband first heard about in 2003 from a good friend and trusted source of good music information, fell in love with and very soon after decided that we too could be a musical traveling couple.

I can understand why my husband might think that. Mates of State are a married former teacher and cancer researcher who did so well creating music that they were able to quit their day-jobs to pursue it full time. Now I’m all about quitting my day-job to travel the world, I just don’t want to have to sing to do it. But I can definitely see how he could dream that we might be them. They are easy to relate to. Mates of State got married in 2001 and so did my husband and I. They have a 4-year-old and a baby; we have an almost 4-year-old and a baby. They used to live in Lawrence, Kansas and so did my husband. So our lives appear to be on similar paths or at least it is fun to imagine they are anyway … Them with their glamorous rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle and us with our suburban, day job having, make our kids laugh with backporch sing-a-longs lifestyle. You can see the similarity there can’t you?

So I found it interesting that they said that having the first child threw everything out of wack, but the second child smoothed everything out.

I found it completely opposite. Maybe it is different for rock stars. How did it work for you? And please indicate if you are a rock star … just for reference.

- Lindsey Johnson

I always thought this was so hilarious. It’s just mayo, Mom. But then this weekend at a birthday party I was helping my 3-year-old make a hot dog. I asked her if she wanted mustard or ketchup. She said, “Ketchup. I don’t like mustard.”

I didn’t know that she didn’t like mustard. I almost started crying.

What’s your It’s-hard-to-be-a-working-mom story?

- Lindsey Johnson

“You’re walking on the beach,” she’d say. “You can hear the crashing waves. A gentle breeze is blowing on your face.”

Then all of the sudden I could taste the salt in the air and feel the sun on my shoulders. I could hear that crunching squeak the sand makes when it slides under your feet. The way the sand feels cold between your toes but hot on the soles of your feet. The squawk of seagulls. This was powerful stuff because we were in the community center in Durango, Colorado.

My whole body would relax. I could feel a tingle up my spine and scalp and the hairs and the back of my neck stand up. That feeling you get when your feet are being rubbed and that exact spot that you didn’t even know needed rubbed until someone stuck his thumb there gets hit – utter and excruciating pleasure.

So the other day I got my weekly Travelzoo Top 20 newsletter in my e-mail inbox. If this isn’t something that you get, I highly suggest you sign up. Travelzoo is a travel deals Web site, http://www.travelzoo.com/. They claim they check out all of the deals they are promoting to make sure that they are legit, down to trying to book cheap tickets to make sure that you can actually get the prices that ticket brokers are advertising. Each week they send out the best 20. There was Jamaica and Las Vegas, call me crazy but neither have ever really appealed. Then there was Caribbean all-inclusives starting at $499 including airfare. Click.

I planned a whole trip to the Dominican Republic for my little family of four, which included airfare from Oklahoma City, all-inclusive accommodations at a family-friendly resort that was only a few miles away from a national park and some artist colony. I planned an excursion to the site of the largest mating spot for humpback whales … I was walking on the beach. I could hear the waves. A gentle breeze was blowing on my face. And all for the low-low price of $3,065.67.

It was within reach. 3,000 bucks really isn’t that much to take a family of four on vacation. And I even almost convinced my husband that we should use our tax return and stimulus checks to go there instead of paying off some bills.

We didn’t book it, but every once in a while, when deadlines loom and babies scream and the trash has to be taken out, I can slip into a quick Travelzoo coma. Because everything there is within reach. And when I come to I’m totally as relaxed as if I’d just had an hour message.

Try it.

- Lindsey Johnson

http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2008/busy.moms/index.html

- Lindsey Johnson