A mother lost
When tragedy hits a family, you can’t help sometimes compare the situation to your own family.
Especially when it is the death of a mother who leaves young children behind.
Shock is the initial feeling I felt when I heard my friend Karen Baker had died Sunday. She and I had been co- assistant leaders for our daughters’ Girl Scout troop, and then co-leaders.
Our children had attended the same daycare and then the same schools. Her children were similar in age to two of my children.
Karen was always smiling, laughing … You always felt good around her.
How saddening was my second thought. Her children. Her husband. Why?
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1999, my first reaction was fear, but it was quickly followed by a deep, sinking feeling that I might not be around for my children, then ages 1 and almost 5.
Karen’s children are middle school and high school ages, still very young. They still needed their mother.
My heart breaks for this family. And it also renews the worries.
Whether you’re a mother or father, you always want to be there for your children.
– Linda Lynn
“I’ve had my limit!” Can school please start now?
School starts back next Tuesday for my kids.
Anyone else ready for their children to get back into school?
I wouldn’t have expected to be so happy about this. But our house has seemed even more chaotic than usual. I’m not sure that it’s actually that the kids are out of school. I think the strain is partially caused by the stress of preparing to go to school.
Beyond the usual requirements of getting school supplies and some added clothing items to round out their wardrobes, we also are dealing with three information day sessions we need to attend, band meetings, band camp, doctors’ appointments, daycare enrollment, transportation issues with busing my young son to and from daycare, freshman orientation, both daughters’ worries that they won’t have friends in their classes, orthodontist and dentist appointments, approaching birthday party planning, passports for an overseas band trip …
And did I mention the frenzy of cash flowing out of our pockets to pay for many *incidental* things?
Last night, as my daughter asked me a question repeatedly after I had answered twice, I started to count to 50 … not 10, but 50.
At first, I thought, “What is happening to our family?” For several days we had all been snapping at each other, voices were being raised. Everyone, except maybe for the youngest member of our family, was ready to get away from each other.
Then, it occurred to me that maybe the stresses, anticipation, extra this and that were taking their toll.
So, yes, I think we’re ready to start school.
Then, we can deal with sleep issues, homework, ballgames, teacher conferences, lunches, juggling schedules and mealtimes …..
– Linda Lynn
Time for Roll Call – “Ma-MEE!” “Da-DEE!” “Issie!” …
My 4-year-old has a quirky little habit. He takes roll call when our family is driving down the highway.
“Ma-MEE!” he will say enthusiastically. I reply, “Yes, Cade?” as if he needs something.
Then, “Da-DEE! is shouted out as promptly as I respond. Daddy says, “Yes, Cade.”
And Cade continues his roll call:
“Issie!” (which is for Kaci)
“Nanny!” (which is for his sister Katie)
If any of us say, “Here!,” like you would in an actual roll call, he protests loudly. Or, if you don’t answer right away, he continues until you acknowledge him.”
“Issie!” “Issie!” … “ISSIE!!” Please, Kaci, answer him.
So, on a recent trip to Texas, one of our oldest daughter’s friends, Alex, came with us.
After a few miles down the road, Cade began:
“Ma-MEE!” …. Yes, dear.
“Da-DEE!” … What, Cade?
“Issie!” … Yes.
“Nanny!” … Yes, Cade.
“GAH!” …….
We all paused and realized he had named Alex “GAH.”
After we quickly explained to her what was happening, Alex responded, “Yes, Cade?”
– Linda Lynn
A new puppy?
My daughter Kaci really wants a pug. She is convinced somehow she is going to get one for her birthday or Christmas.
I know this, but it’s not something I think about every day. We have a lab already, and he’s a handful.
So, this weekend while I was working at the newspaper to catch up on some tasks, Kaci passed by her daddy’s home computer (he works at The Oklahoman, too) and she saw an e-mail exchange between us.
In the subject line, my husband had typed: “bring home a bulldog”
My reply was ”Yes-sir.”
Kaci was ecstatic! Momma was bringing home her pug!
But sometimes children misunderstand what seems obvious to adults.
If you’ve ever been around a newspaper and heard the lingo, you would know a “bulldog” at The Oklahoman is an early edition of the Sunday paper that customers can buy on Saturdays. Some readers like to read the stories or clip their coupons and see the ads early. My husband wanted to preview his Outdoors page.
But Kaci knew she was getting a puppy.
Alas, when I came home empty-handed, Kaci was disappointed.
It reminded me of when I was little and I had spyed a camera box in the top of my mom’s closet. I just knew I was getting a camera for Christmas.
The gifts were opened, and no camera!
My mom then explained the box was from her old camera.
Yes, I was disappointed, too. … Almost 40 years later, like mother, like daughter.
–Linda Lynn
Wrestling with a 4-year-old
My 4-year-old has started becoming very strong-willed, stubborn, independent …
Whatever you want to call it, the result is that I’m physically strained to keep up with the little booger.
Cade is cute, and he has the most heartwarming smile. But his defiance is wearing me out.
When we cross the street, I expect him to hold my hand. But that just won’t do. He either wants to walk on his own or he just sits down wherever he is. The end result is that I pick up this squirming 35-pound wiggle-worm to get to the car, house, store, etc.
When I try to put him in a car seat, he stiffens his back, twists to the side, cries out … he’s a strong little boy. I used to be able to distract him with a song or a book. But now it has to be just the right book, and he definitely doesn’t want me to sing. (Channeling Simon Cowell?)
By the way, the car seat is not an option. I’m persistent until he is properly buckled into his “big boy” chair.
And, so it goes. As long as Mommy is involved, he’s determined to resist or disagree.
Welcome to the WWMF (Wiped-out Wrestling Mommy Federation).
– Linda Lynn
No graduation announcements, but …
My oldest child just graduated eighth grade. Yes. I said graduated.
Had there been caps and gowns, my high school graduation would have been dwarfed by the fanfare at Katie’s last day in middle school.
Don’t get me wrong. This was an important achievement in her school career, but after sitting through two hours of musical performances, speeches, awards, name announcements and a slideshow that followed the kids from babyhood to their teen years, I was a little tired.
I didn’t cry. I did enjoy the moment. I filmed it, took pictures, everything you do at a graduation. But I fear high school graduation.
A friend of mine suggested the attention the students were already getting might detract from upcoming ceremonies. I’m not sure. I just thought it might be a little “over the top” for this age.
Or is it simply a celebration? We should celebrate the little accomplishments, the medium accomplishments and the big accomplishments in our children’s lives.
After the ceremony, Katie and her friends wandered the halls, seeking out teachers, saying goodbye. Then, mothers and daughters enjoyed lunch together …. Then, the girls went to their elementary school to reminisce with grade school teachers. Later … a party, a sleepover.
I’m sure they were all exhausted.
Now comes high school.
– Linda Lynn
You can help feed a hungry baby
What’s for supper tonight?
We have an ongoing struggle in our home almost every night at about 6:10 p.m.
What’s for supper?
Whether you call it supper, dinner or whatever, what it means in my house most of the time is, “What is Mom going to fix tonight?”
My husband doesn’t cook, so thankfully he’ll throw out the idea of takeout, which I gladly latch onto if I’ve had a particularly tiring day.
With two parents working outside the home, it’s difficult to get a balanced meal on the table when my children are hungry.
My mom used to suggest I cook on the weekends and then freeze the food. Yes. That would be a good idea, but, so far, I haven’t successfully done this.
Then, there is the crockpot moms who always have a meal waiting for them when they get home. Yes. That’s a good idea, too.
This week, we have had chicken Dorito casserole (I made), Sonic burgers and lasagna/broccoli/bread (I defrosted and shoved it in the oven).
This morning, I washed strawberries, blueberries and blackberries, placed them in a tray and stuck those in the refrigerator for after-school snacking.
I don’t think this is a bad run for the week, but I still labor over this. I have no idea what we will eat tonight.
If it were just me, I’d probably eat cereal.
Do any of you struggle with evening meals? Or have you overcome the last-minute rush?
Share your ideas (and recipes!) that have fed your successful meal planning.
–Linda Lynn
llynn@opubco.com
Plastic bags: What will you do?
A plastic bag is blown against a park fence.
By now many of you have seen or heard about last week’s “Oprah Winfrey Show” and her segment on the epidemic of plastic trash in the ocean.
I only saw a few minutes of the show — the swirling mass beneath the surface, the plastic bag wrapped around the bird — but it made me realize even more that we need to take action. For us, for our children.
The wind in Oklahoma is unforgiving. Plastic can quickly get away from you, and in an instant, like a balloon, it can travel up and away.
Plastic shopping bags as well as other plastics catch on fences, snag on grass and weeds, get caught on tree branches and drift to lake shores.
Ireland and Denmark have placed taxes on plastic bags, and consumer use was reduced drastically. Why can’t we do this in Oklahoma? Why can’t our state make the stand that we want to start making a difference in our country?
There’s so much we can do to make a difference. My daughter told me a story last week about a man she saw unwrapping a piece of candy. He unwrapped it, let the wrapper drop to the ground and then got in his car. She questioned why he didn’t just keep the wrapper to throw away later.
I’ve switched to reusable shopping bags.
Now, what will you do?
What will Oklahoma do as a state to make a difference?
– Linda Lynn
Do you let your children roam?
At what age should my daughter be allowed to become a mallrat or venture out on her own?
This week, Katie, my 14-year-old, asked if she and a friend could be dropped at the mall on a Friday evening to see a movie. This is not the first time this discussion has occurred at our house. And, once before, my husband did let her see a movie with friends without supervision, but it was during the day.
The first time I let Katie even walk the mall alone with friends was at her 14th birthday party. But I stayed and pushed her little brother around in a stroller while they “did their own thing.”
Lenore Skenazy has received support and flack for letting her young son ride a subway by himself. She is the author of “Free-Range Kids.”
Skenazy encourages parents to let their children roam and experience new things by themselves, empowering them to be individuals and not live in fear.
I admit this is just the opposite of how I continue to raise my children. I know I’m “too” protective by some standards. Yes. I used to roam all over our 200-acre farm when I was younger. I would go fishing and exploring by myself. And, although it wasn’t my choice, at 14 years old I walked the streets of Washington, D.C., when I was separated from my Close Up tour group. The next day, about five of us (without adults) rode the subway and toured our nation’s well-known monuments and museums.
I loved the experience.
So, why do I try so hard to shelter my children from their own adventures?
I live in fear of ”what if.” I read the newspaper. I watch the news shows. And I’m appalled and scared by what might could happen.
Is there maybe a happy medium? But what would that be?
Share with me your stories of letting your children experience independence. Do you let them walk alone to school, the grocery store or snowcone shack? What are your limits on your children’s independence?
– Linda Lynn
