Advice from the Jonas Brothers’ mom
Ever wonder what the Jonas Brothers’ mom must be thinking these days as her boys deal with megastardom?
Turns out she’s thinking about some of the same things we “regular” moms are – how to keep the clan close, which battles to wage with the kids and which to forget and so on.
Denise Jones is set to speak at an iMom event at a Brooklyn school on Friday, Oct. 23. The nonprofit organization iMom provides support for moms in school and online. The organization has monthly events called iMom Morning, at 350 public schools across the nation.
Here’s some of her advice, some personal principles she’s acquired on her own:
1. Put in the rug time. “I called our family’s spontaneous father-and-sons games “rug time” or “rearranging the living room without license.” But without a word, the boys and their dad called it love. I learned that no carpet or piece of furniture is worth more than bonding that happens in the rug time.”
2. Cook when you can. “Life on the road wreaks havoc on kitchen togetherness but I love to cook and I’ve learned to do it as much as I can. Something’s very comforting about eating food mom cooks.”
3. Never mind the hair. “Moms also know this lesson as ‘choose your battles.’ As issues come up, I’ve learned to weigh each for its big-picture significance and adjust my response. Some things, like a teenager’s hair, I let go.”
4. Buy the drums. “Your daughter wants to play softball? Find a team. Your son wants to sing? Encourage it. Someone’s good at drawing? Quick: paper and colors. At times you have to study your kids. Other times their gifts hit you full force. Whatever the case, give them a chance — then stand back and give them room.”
5. Celebrate the wrinkle cream. “In a store once, I saw a wrinkle cream and mentioned it to the boys that I like it. Next Mother’s Day, I’m unwrapping the wrinkle cream and felt like crying! But the sweet thing is, my sons had heard me and wanted to please me.”
6. Trust the detours. First the news of Nick’s diabetes brought shock. Then we responded as a family. We learned about diabetes, followed the guidelines and stayed the course — and our eyes opened to others with health issues. Bad news has been a back door blessing.”
7. Stay grateful. “With privilege comes responsibility and we’re grateful for all of it. Yes, everything. Our flight is held up? We’re grateful to be going. Our hotel reservation is one room short? We’ll sleep on the floor. Life isn’t perfect, but in every circumstance, our job is to manage our response.”
8. Sit close, hug often. “Our family speaks the language of hugs and we speak it liberally. I’ve learned that when words aren’t enough, holding my child says volumes. Kids outgrow laps but never hugs.”
9. Set internal pillars. “The world presses in with schedules, expectations and exhaustion. How my children withstand that has everything to do with what’s inside them. We don’t just assume our kids will pick up good inner structures such as honor, self-respect, honesty and kindness. We talk about these things and praise our kids when those qualities show.”
10. Be the mom. “My kids don’t need me to be a buddy, a sidekick or a maid: They need me to be a mom. Kids need a mom to set limits, set the example and set out what they can be and do. Anyone can be a friend. Only the mom can be the mom. That’s the highest calling — a a big reason I’m big on iMom.”
For more information about iMom, go online to www.iMom.com.
Carla Hinton
First lady handles senior night
First lady Kim Henry faced a common parenting dilemma Tuesday and handled it with panache.
Henry received a Peace and Dialogue Award that night from the Institute for Interfaith Dialog. In accepting her award, she apologized for being late, saying the dinner had coincided with her daughter’s soccer “senior night” in Shawnee.
Henry explained that the senior night, an evening in which high school senior athletes are recognized, had been scheduled for last week, but weather issues prompted the event to be postponed to Tuesday.
So Henry, and her husband, Gov. Brad Henry, opted to attend the senior night activity before heading to the awards dinner instead of missing their daughter’s special event and arriving at the banquet on time.
I had the feeling that most moms at the awards presentation, and probably dads too, knew exactly how she felt. Many of us have faced that particular issue before.
One got the feeling that Henry has no qualms about putting her family first.
While I’m sure she treasurered the award she received that night, the smile on her daughter’s face when her parents were on hand to share her especial evening was probably an award — reward — all its own for the first lady.
Carla Hinton
Help battle burn injuries
This week is Burn Awareness Week, and Shriners Hospitals for Children kicks off a year-long campaign focused on preventing gasoline burn injuries.
A special Web site has been developed at www.burnawarenessweek.org.
According to a study published in the November 2007 issue of the Journal of Burn Care and Rehabilitation, an estimated 10,000 pediatric burn injuries occur annually in the
Since 2002, Shriners Hospitals for Children has treated more than 800 children for acute burns caused by ignition of a highly flammable material, such as gasoline. Kids 13 and older are in the highest at-risk group for gasoline and other flammable substance burns.
Check out the Web site for
Help for “textual harrasment”
The Ad Council has a new national campaign aimed at eighth and ninth graders.
The campaign hopes to help the teens deal with unwanted text messages from other teens seeking sexual messages, pictures or videos. This also applies to such requests made online.
Teen and their parents are invited to explore a new Web site at www.Thatsnotcool.com.
The Web site offers teens some ways to respond to the so-called “textual harrasment,” among other interesting information.
The Ad Council (www.adcouncil.org) is a private, non-profit organization that marshals talent from the advertising and communications industries, the facilities of the media, and the resources of the business and non-profit communities to produce, distribute and promote public service campaigns on behalf of non-profit organizations and government agencies in issue areas such as improving the quality of life for children, preventive health, education, community well-being, environmental preservation and strengthening families.
The council is partnering on this new campaign with other agencies, incluing the National Family Violence Prevention Fund.
Carla Hinton
Secret Life: Ricky’s secret is out
Yesterday’s weekly episode of “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” included a confirmation of what some viewers might have already guessed.
For those who don’t keep up with the show, it airs on the ABC Family Channel on Monday nights and chronicles the life of pregnant teen Amy Juergens, along with the lives of her family and friends.
Ricky, the father of Amy’s baby, was the victim of not only physical abuse, but sexual abuse from his father. The news comes out because Ricky’s father just got out of prison and wants to re-enter his son’s life and, get this, sell Amy and Ricky’s baby to somebody that wants a baby.
Ricky had the emotional scenes this episode as he almost tearfully tells Adrian and some others the truth about why his father went to prison.
You could tell that the molestation and physical abuse has tortured the boy. It helped shed light on why Ricky acts the way he acts.
In other scenes, Amy tells Ben, her boyfriend, that he can’t come with her to her ultrasound. Ben’s father gives his son some much-needed advice, telling him not to count on doing that kind of thing with Amy since she’s just a young teen like himself, he’s not the father of her baby, and frankly, she’s in a pretty tough situation.
Oh, and Amy learned the sex of the baby.
Things have started to get more than a little complicated for Amy. My hope is that teens watching the program will be able to see that and maybe think about just how complicated their own lives would become should they become pregnant or get get someone pregnant.
The biggest complication of them all is coming down the pike: Amy has to decide whether or not she’s going to give the baby up for adoption.
As the show progresses, it looks like viewers are going to be able to see how much angst this causes and what the implications are behind that decision.
Stay tuned.
Carla Hinton
“Secret Life”: Adrian gets straight talk from dad
There was more straight talk on this week’s episode of “The Secret Life of the American Teenager.”
This is my scheduled posting for the week and it is late because there has been so much going on this week. However, I did manage to see the latest episode of “Secret Life” on Monday and it was probably one of the better ones.
For those late the game, “Secret Life” is a television show airing on Monday evenings on the ABC Family Channel. It chronicles the life of a pregnant teenager named Amy Juergens, her family and friends.
In this week’s episode, Adrian’s father talks bluntly with her about Ricky. Adrian is the show’s “bad girl,” so to speak, but viewers have been able to see what her home life is like and exactly why she is the way she is. Ricky is the show’s “bad boy,” for lack of a better term. He’s the father of the Amy’s baby.
Adrian’s father, who just recently came into her life, is an assistant district attorney who wants to help his daughter get her life on track. She makes excellent grades but has been labeled the school slut for good reason.
Her father tells her that Ricky is just using her, having sex with her at night while taking Grace, a Christian girl, out on actual dates.
It’s the classic “hook-up” scenario that teens will tell you about if you ask them.
The show has been criticized for stereotyping the characters, and yet we know that so many teen girls are looking for love and settling for sex, then get hurt when the guy discards them and moves on.
I think the straight talk that Adrian’s dad gave her was this episode’s main message.
We’ll have to see if she takes his advice and leaves Ricky alone.
Meanwhile, Ricky is having lots of trouble of his own. His dad is back from prison and there’s some mystery about why he was in prison in the first place.
Even if the plot keeps twisting (this is TV, OK?), I still see the show as a good way for parents to open up some interesting (and hopefully meaningful) discussions about relationships and sex.
Stay tuned.
Carla Hinton
Staff Writer
Secret Life: Amy faces baby reality
It’s Tuesday and time to share a few observations about this week’s episode of “The Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family network, Monday nights).”
One thing I can say is that I was reminded once again that this is TV — entertainment with a capital E.
I kind of thought one of the scenes with the parents was a bit too much, considering that lots of teens watch the show. On the other hand, the way a teen’s parents function together — or don’t function together — certainly impacts the family dynamics. In that way, the scene was probably justified.
If you saw the episode, you’ll probably guess which scene I’m referring to.
Probably the biggest impact of this episode, in terms of realism, was the scene when Amy’s mother, portrayed by Molly Ringwald, told her daughter in no uncertain terms that she would have to get familiar with the idea that she would become a mother in just a few short months and HER ENTIRE LIFE AS SHE KNEW IT WOULD CHANGE FOREVER.
That is the best part of this new show, I think, getting that idea in teens’ brains: Babies change your life forever. Period.
The reality sank in for Amy immediately.
Guess what? She’s even more scared now than she was before … and rightfully so.
Here’s hoping that this show serves as a wakeup call for some teens.
Stay tuned.
Hey, and I’d love to know what you thought about this week’s episode. Don’t forgot to share your comments …
P.S., I almost forgot: What in the world is Grace, the show’s Christian girl thinking? She has proclaimed to her mother that she is now “in love” with bad boy Ricky, the father of Amy’s baby. I’m thinking that she is very naive and a lot like so many girls out there.
Carla Hinton
Teen’s Secret Life not so secret … again
The second season of the ABC Family Channel show “Secret Life of the American Teenager” premiered this week with a bang.
The show, which began July 2008, has been called realistic by some, downright campy by others.
Either way, the dramedy about a pregnant high school girl may be of interest to teens and their parents.
I enjoy the show because it brings up some interesting scenarios that today’s teens and their parents (myself included) can discuss in an informal setting.
The show airs on Mondays this season and I’ll likely blog about it each Tuesday. It would be great to get some feedback/comments from others who watch the show as the season continues.
The issues raised on the show hit home particularly in light of Staff Writer Susan Simpson’s story about teen pregnancy featured in today’s Oklahoman.
The story notes that Oklahoma’s teen birth rate is among the nation’s highest, according to statistics compiled by the U.S. Centers for Disase Control and Prevention.
The story went on to quote Sharon Rodine, director of youth initiatives at the Oklahoma Institute for Child Advocacy, as saying that 2007 data for the state also shows an increase in teens giving birth.
Having said all that, I won’t comment on this week’s “Secret Life” season premiere because some folks might not realize that the new season has begun.
I’ll drop you a hint about the premiere’s focus, though: Something old, something new …
Carla Hinton
Staff Writer
Sexting: a cell phone alert
My 14-year-old daughter’s cell phone was stolen a few months ago so she’s been hinting — not so subtley — for another one.
I’ve been looking for one and think I’ve picked out the one she’ll get for Christmas.
Since we’ve been talking about cell phones quite a bit these days, I’ve taken the time to talk to her about the results of a recent survey conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl.com.
The results, released recently, found that one in five teen girls (22 percent), and 11 percent of teen girls ages 14-16, said they have electronically sent or posted online nude or semi-nude images of themselves.
According to the “Sex and Tech” survey, these images are getting passed around by their peers: One third (33 percent) of teen boys and one-quarter (25 percent) of teen girls said they have had nude/semi-nude images, orginally meant to be private, shared with them.
I had already heard of this type of thing occuring, particulary images sent via cell phone. When this survey was released I learned that this type of behavior has informally been dubbed “sexting.”
The survey concluded that what teens and young adults are doing electronically seems to have an effect on what they do in real life. Nearly one-quarter of teens (22 percent) admitted that technology makes them personally more forward and aggressive. More than one-third of teens (38 percent) said exchanging sexy content makes dating or “hooking up” with others more likely and nearly one-third of teens (29 percent) said they believe those exchanging sexy content are “expected” to date or “hook up.”
“That so many young people say technology is encouraging an even more casual, hook-up culture is reason for concern, given the high rates of teen and unplanned pregnancy in the United States,” Marisa Nightingale, senior advisor to the Entertainment Media Program at the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, said in a news release.
“Parents should understand that their own notions of what’s public, what’s private, and what’s appropriate, may differ greatly from how teens and young adults define these concepts.”
By the way, according to the survey girls are not the only ones sharing sexually explicit content: Almost one in five teen boys (18 percent) said they have sent or posted nude/semi nude images of themselves.
Find out more about the survey, including some helpful tips for parents, by clicking here: “Sex and Tech survey”
Carla Hinton
Counting on moms
A lot of mothers — both married and single — sometimes do without to make sure their children get what they need or want.
As a mom, I know this to be true.
A story in today’s New York Times just bears this out.
Moms, it seems, are putting off their own needs to make sure their kids get their Christmas wish lists fulfilled, according to the story “To Buy Children’s Gifts, Mothers Do Without.”
Moms, does this resonate with you?
Do you put off buying things for yourself or doing things for yourself to ensure that your children are taken care of and have what they need?
Do you put off exercise and doing other things for yourself because of your children’s schedule or routine?
Let me know. Send an e-mail with your comments to chinton@opubco.com. Be sure to include your name, hometown and a phone number where you can be reached. Your views may be used for a future story.
Carla Hinton
