When we got home, he says, very matter-of-fact, “Mommy, Big Mike is brown. What color am I?  Am I brown?”

OK, so I really wasn’t expecting that. I was a bit tongue-tied, I must admit. I don’t want him to think he’s different than someone else based on skin color.  But I didn’t want to lie to him either.  What’s a mom to do? 

Call her mom.  That’s what. 

My mom had some great advice and told me exactly what to say.

“Hunter, God made us all different shades, like paint on a palette.  Like snowflakes, no two are alike, and that makes each of us very special.”  Then she suggested I show him how my skin tone is even a little darker than his.   He seemed very satisfied with that and went on with his day.

Whew! Good answer, Mom.  She really does know best.

Ever been asked a difficult question by your toddler?  How did you handle it? Let me know by commenting here or by e-mail. I’d love to hear your stories.

-Erica Smith
esmith@opubco.com

Recently, The New York Times had an article about the surge in sharing kids’ photos online.  Many parents use sites such as Flickr, Facebook, MySpace, YouTube and other social networking sites to share countless moments of their kiddos – whether they’re in a Halloween costume, at Grandma’s house or (gasp!) playing in the tub.  But in some cases, photos have ended up used in ways not intended by the parent.

Some examples include photos of baby being passed off as someone else’s who is faking a pregnancy; use of children’s head shots on profiles on a social networking site in Brazil, even getting “sexy” ratings.  And of course, parents are concerned about pedophiles singling out their children and in turn finding out where they live. 

But some parents say this is the age of the Internet.  No longer are moms and dads sending pictures of their children through the mail to the grandparents in another state.  These days, grandma and grandpa are hooked to the Web to see instant pictures. 

So is it exploitation or unsafe to post pictures?  Or are the fears irrational and this is just how the 21st century is? It’s a decision only parents can make.  But if you do post pics, be sure to use password-protected Web sites and always check your privacy settings on these sites.  

And when given the choice of “Share with the world” or “Private” … don’t always go with what the site “recommends.”  Go with your gut instinct instead.

-Erica Smith
esmith@opubco.com

I’ve written posts for Hiccups before on the importance of water safety, but in light of another recent drowning, I’d like to share my personal experience with a program my 3-year-old son is in.

Infant Swimming Resource is a program I found after a user on NewsOK.com posted a comment on a story about a baby drowning a couple of months ago.  Her comment was, “If the family only knew about ISR.”  That comment prompted me to look into this program. 

I went to their Web site, www.infantswim.com,  and watched the videos and read about parents’ experiences with the program.  I have to say, I was instantly impressed.  (Click below to see the video.)

These babies and toddlers weren’t just swimming, they were performing self-rescue skills.  I found an instructor in the Oklahoma City-area using the online locator and got him started in the lessons.

I’ve had my son in swimming lessons before, but have been very disappointed with the results.  He was only swimming with a floatie on or by using a noodle and these give children, and their parents,  a false sense of security.  Children don’t fall into pools with floaties on.  If they did, no child would drown.

What ISR does is look at all aspects of a child.  The program uses many fields of study in their approach – psychology, biology, physiology and anatomy.  And most children go through the program and are skilled in self-rescue swimming in only 4-6 weeks.

When my son started, he had never even been put underwater. He never floated on his own.  He was terrified of going underwater. Now he is in his last week in the program. He can swim underwater, turn to float to get his breath then continue swimming to the side of the pool.  Without the aid of any flotation device.  If you knew my son, you would know this is truly impressive.

The lessons are one-on-one with a highly trained instructor.  Because repetition is key, they are every weekday for the full 4-6 weeks. To prevent water fatigue, the lessons are only 10 minutes long. 

I urge every parent to check out this program.  I am truly impressed with what my son has learned and with the professionalism and knowledge of the instructors.  It’s a small price to pay and small amount of time to spend on preventing the senseless tragedy of losing a child to drowning.

-Erica Smith

esmith@opubco.com

The first five are for trick-or-treaters:

1. Cross the street safely at corners. Use traffic signals and crosswalks.  Walk, don’t run, and always look left, right then left again before crossing.

2. Stay on sidewalks or paths. No sidewalks? Then walk facing traffic as far to the left as possible.

3. Slow down, stay alert. Keep an eye out for cars turning or backing up.  Don’t dart into the street or cross in between parked cars.

4. Young kids should always be with an adult. Especially those younger than 12. 

5. Costumes should be safe. Reflective tap is essential.  If possible, choose a light-colored costume. Choose nontoxic face paint over a mask that can obstruct a child’s vision. Have kids carry glow sticks and flashlights. Make sure they can be seen.

The last five are for drivers:

6.  SLOW DOWN.  Especially in residential neighborhoods and school zones. Most often, trick-or-treating is done between 5:30 and 9:30 p.m.

7. Be especially alert. Take extra time to look for kids at intersections, on medians and on curbs. Kids can be unpredictable so be on guard.

8. Enter and exit driveways slowly and carefully.

9. Reduce distractions when driving.  Don’t talk on your phone or text. It only takes a second to miss a child darting out in front of your car. Concentrate fully on the road and your surroundings.

10. Keep your headlights on so you can spot kids at a greater distance. Children may not be able to see your vehicle.

Let’s keep these 10 important tips in mind so everyone has a safe and happy Halloween.

-Erica Smith
esmith@opubco.com

Turns out she’s thinking about some of the same things we “regular” moms are – how to keep the clan close, which battles to wage with the kids and which to forget and so on.

Denise Jones is set to speak at an iMom event at a Brooklyn school on Friday, Oct. 23. The nonprofit organization iMom provides support for moms in school and online. The organization has monthly events called iMom Morning, at 350 public schools across the nation.

Here’s some of her advice, some personal principles she’s acquired on her own:

1. Put in the rug time. “I called our family’s spontaneous father-and-sons games “rug time” or “rearranging the living room without license.” But without a word, the boys and their dad called it love. I learned that no carpet or piece of furniture is worth more than bonding that happens in the rug time.” 

2. Cook when you can. “Life on the road wreaks havoc on kitchen togetherness but I love to cook and I’ve learned to do it as much as I can. Something’s very comforting about eating food mom cooks.”

3. Never mind the hair. “Moms also  know this lesson as ‘choose your battles.’ As issues come up, I’ve learned to weigh each for its big-picture significance and adjust my response. Some things, like a  teenager’s hair, I let go.”

4. Buy the drums. “Your daughter wants to play softball? Find a team. Your son wants to sing? Encourage it. Someone’s good at drawing? Quick: paper and colors. At times you have to study your kids. Other times their gifts hit you full force. Whatever the case, give them a chance — then stand back and give them room.”

5. Celebrate the wrinkle cream. “In a store once, I saw a wrinkle cream and mentioned it to the boys that I like it. Next Mother’s Day, I’m unwrapping the wrinkle cream and felt like crying! But the sweet thing is, my sons had heard me and wanted to please me.”

6. Trust the detours. First the news of Nick’s diabetes brought shock. Then we responded as a family. We learned about diabetes, followed the guidelines and stayed the course — and our eyes opened to others with health issues. Bad news has been a back door blessing.”

7. Stay grateful. “With privilege comes responsibility and we’re grateful for all of it. Yes, everything. Our flight is held up? We’re grateful to be going. Our hotel reservation is one room short?  We’ll sleep on the floor. Life isn’t perfect, but in every circumstance, our job is to manage our response.”     

8. Sit close, hug often. “Our family speaks the language of hugs and we speak it liberally. I’ve learned that when words aren’t enough, holding my child says volumes. Kids outgrow laps but never hugs.”

9. Set internal pillars. “The world presses in with schedules, expectations and exhaustion. How my children withstand that has everything to do with what’s inside them. We don’t just assume our kids will pick up good inner structures such as honor, self-respect, honesty and kindness. We talk about these things and praise our kids when those qualities show.”

10. Be the mom. “My kids don’t need me to be a buddy, a sidekick or a maid: They need me to be a mom. Kids need a mom to set limits, set the example and set out what they can be and do. Anyone can be a friend. Only the mom can be the mom. That’s the highest calling — a a big reason I’m big on iMom.”  

For more information about iMom, go online to www.iMom.com.

Carla Hinton 

The free parenting seminar will be at the Edmond library on Wednesday, Sept. 23, from 3:30 – 5:00 p.m. It’s perfect for parents and caregivers of children from birth to age 5. The experts from Child Guidance Services will answer questions and address concerns, and give out great information about issues related to eating.  Techniques and resources will be provided.

To register, call Child Guidance at 425-4412 to register.  For more information about this program and others, call 427-8651 or go to www.cchdoc.com.

-Erica Smith
esmith@opubco.com

Here’s what your day care should have been told:

1. Encourage all staff to get vaccinated.

2.  Make sure children’s and staff’s hands are washed often with soap and water, and especially after children cough or sneeze. Keep alcohol-based hand cleaner nearby if a sink isn’t readily available.

3.  Remind children and staff not to touch their eyes, nose or mouth as germs are often spread this way.

4. Clean the environment regularly. Dirty areas and items should be cleaned immediately, especially play areas and toys.

5. Day care staffers deemed to be high risk for flu complications and parents of children younger than age 5 who become ill with flu-like symptoms should call their doctor immediately to see if they are in need of antiviral treatment.

6. If a swine flu outbreak is severe, staff should consider closing the day care center to decrease the spread of infection. A decision to close should be made in conjunction with local public health officials.

7. Remind staff to stay home and parents to keep a sick child at home when they have flu-like symptoms.  Send sick staff home immediately. If a child become ill at the day care, move them to a separate, but supervised, area until a parent can pick them up.

If an outbreak becomes more severe or symptoms more dangerous as the fall and winter season approach, the following guidelines should also be considered:

1. Let high-risk staffers stay at home.

2. Increase the distance between children; separate children into small groups of six or less.

3. Have children stay home if there are others in the child’s household who have the swine flu.

4. Inform parents of sick children and sick staff  members that they should say home for at least 7 days.

5. Close the day care center either as a reaction to the outbreak or even as a preventative measure.

For more information about swine flu, go to http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/.

Here’s to hoping we and our children stay healthy this flu season.

-Erica Smith
esmith@opubco.com

As a parent of a toddler, I knew I couldn’t possibly be the only one who experiences the store -induced temper tantrums, the difficulties with getting him to eat, and dealing with this little person who is constantly asserting his independence.

I was greatly assured that yes, thankfully, my child is completely normal and not a pint-sized T-Rex.

Here are seven great tips I learned:

1. Don’t ask questions that require simply a yes or no answer.  Instead, give your toddler some choices.  But be sure you can live with any of the choices.

2. Avoid power struggles.  It takes two to argue, so take yourself out of the equation. Consider allowing him to be his own boss, unless he poses harm to himself or others.

3. Children won’t do what doesn’t work.  Ignore temper tantrums. Easier said than done, but if you want the tantrums to stop, you’ll have to stop reacting to them.

4. Make a statement. When talking to him about his day, don’t ask questions, but instead make statements.  I tried this and it works!  Instead of “Did you play outside today?” try “So you played outside today!” You’ll get lots more response from your little person.

5.  Use descriptive commentary.  Like a sports announcer, talk about what they’re doing as they’re doing it.  It promotes conversation, builds vocabulary and makes them feel important.

6. Focus on behaviors you want, not the ones you don’t want.  Instead of “stop running” say “I like it when you walk next to Mommy.”  And always be specific in your praise. Just saying “Good girl” won’t let them know what exactly they’re being good about.

7. Use humor, and keep your sense of humor.  Your toddler is learning to be an independent person and it can be a fun time if you just let it happen.

The health department has a great lineup of workshops and parent talks.  I highly recommend attending. Their staff is knowledgeable and they give great advice. Go to www.occhd.org and click on the Parent Express Newsletter or call 425-4412 to find out what’s coming to a location near you.

-Erica Smith
esmith@opubco.com

Discussions will allow for parenting questions in areas of speech, language, development and behavior.  Children don’t need to be present but may attend. 

Sessions are by appointment only.  To schedule an appointment, call 425-4412.  For more information about this program or others, call 427-8651 or go to www.cchdoc.com.

-Erica Smith
esmith@opubco.com

Sponsored by the Oklahoma City-County Health Department, “Common Challenges with Toddlers” is a free program focusing on common issues of this age group, including temper tantrums, biting and trouble sharing.   Parents will learn how to minimize their frustrations with these behaviors and learn solutions to help put an end to them.

The program is from 3:30 to 5 p.m. at the library, 10 S. Boulevard.

If you want to enroll, call 425-4412.  If you can’t go, no worries.  I’ll be there taking very detailed notes and I’ll be sharing what I learn and posting it here. 

-Erica Smith
esmith@opubco.com