When do you stick your nose in?
I’m a fairly new parent so I know I have much to learn. One thing I could definitely use some input on is when to say something and when to keep quiet when it comes to other parents.
I recently encountered a situation in a parking lot of a strip mall. I parked next to a woman who was using some pretty excessive force on her child in the back seat, in plain view, door wide open. It was actually quite disturbing. I won’t give details, but I’ll just say a belt was involved. I sat there and wondered what I should do. Do I confront this seemingly crazy woman? Do I call the police? Do I pretend I didn’t see anything? I called my friend who is a former Oklahoma County sheriff. She said that if it looks bad enough to me that I should call the police and let them handle it. She made a good point: If the woman is brazen enough to do this in a public parking lot, then how, God forbid, does she “discipline” her kids in the privacy of their home? So I took her advice. I called the police. The response was actually a bit infuriating. Dispatch and the responding officer said the same thing – “how a parent chooses to discipline their child is their business.” I asked the officer, “so then there is no line between child abuse and discipline?” He couldn’t give me an answer.
Here’s another situation. I’m at White Water Bay last weekend and I see a parent there with a small child – probably between 1 – 2 years old. The parent isn’t using any sunscreen and I could see the child burning up in the sun before my eyes. Her bright red skin looked so painful, but I didn’t say anything. Soon the guilt set in that maybe I should have offered my sunscreen to her at least, in a gesture where maybe she could “get the hint.” But then again, she wasn’t my child. Do I have the right to interefere?
I don’t want to be on “parent patrol” because I know that I, myself, am far from perfect. But when incidents like these find themselves in my presence, I find it hard not to step in for the sake of the kids.
How would you handle these types of situations? Do you find yourself getting involved with people’s parenting? Let me know on here or e-mail me at esmith@oklahoman.com. I’d love to hear thoughts from other parents.
-Erica Smith
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Comments
As far as the discipline issue, since we all have different views on discipline this is tough. My husband is in the medical field and as professionals they were told that if you choose to discipline your child by spakning for instance, it should not leave a mark on the body, bruise, red mark or anything. Therefore in your opinion, if the person disciplining their child seems to be doing so with enough force to leave a mark, then I would indeed call the authorities.
However, in the past, I have asked a social worker friend of mine the difference between discipline and abuse in the eyes of the department of human services. She said it is a hard fine line but she said that sometimes it simply comes down to the attitude when a parent is “discplining” their child. For instance, yelling, screaming, or if they are truly in anger rage while spanking or hitting their child this could be cause for concern.
Sunscreen? Honestly I would just say something. I would say “ow, he looks a little red. Would you like to borrow my sunscreen?” The worst the person can say is no but at least you have done your part. Then you are not implying that they have done anything wrong by not putting it on their child, but giving them the benefit of the doubt that maybe they forgot to bring theirs.
I have an almost 3 year old, and an almost 1 year old. The main time I find myself jumping into parenting is when it concerns my child. If your child takes something from my child, or pushes my child, and you do not correct your child by telling them what they just did wrong then I do step in. Whether the other parent likes it or not. Because if MY son is the one that does those things I make sure he understands it is wrong, and I will not let him get run over by children whose parents do not teach their children appropriate manners.
[...] Read the rest of this great post here [...]