Have I screamed at my kids in public? No. But I have walked around behind them, in public, held their shoulders, leaned in close to their ears, and quietly growled “shut up” in their ears. I stay in that position for a while and continue to growl the reasons “why” they need to hush (they get to see all the people around looking at them.).

Hanging on a hook in our kitchen are 3 allegories (examples, reminders).

A length of thread and a length of (landscape) string, and finally, a length of quarter inch cotton rope (all in bright colors). Our kids know this means that parents will use thread (easy to handle a tug on it), or a string (can tug a little harder with that), or a rope (to really get their attention). In social settings, I have asked them directly, “You are not giving me your attention, so how would you like me to get your attention and obiedience?”

And, again, they are all an allegories and we take great care to tell them examples of how this also applies to adults as well. They know we don’t do 3-2-1 warnings. Thread, string, or rope (allegorically) based on their behavior and choices at the time. We let them know before hand when its a quiet area.

Also, before we adopted our kids, we watched other parents when their kids got loud and it seemed to be when they wanted to talk to parents or as the family was leaving a place.

In our family, when parent’s are talking (or on the phone), kids can come up and place one hand on the parent’s arm as a signal that they want to talk. As serious as we are about them doing this, we are serious that we give them our attention as soon as possible (no matter how silly their message is)…..and many is the time when the kids just love to be next to us, hand on arm, just wanting to be close to Mom or Dad.

And, we saw other kids get so frustrated watching parents leave another family’s house or social setting. (“C’mon, Dad, you said an hour ago we are leaving.”) So….as serious as we are about them not “whining about leaving” (which is actually them whining about us not keeping our word), we are serious that when we “are going”, then, by-golly, we going! But *not until* I say the magic words “we’re going”…..that way, they never have to wonder if that means “now”.

It wasn’t easy all the time and we weren’t succesful all the time but we made sure that we, as parents, kept our end of the deal (our quick attention and our adhering to “we’re going”) and as we did that, they started to keep their end of the deal.

When we adopted, I thought parenting was about raising children but that should be called “childrening”…..I’ve found out that parenting is less about improving or maturing my kids and more about what I am myself.

Sorry to write a book…..

I need to say, as a lot as I enjoyed reading what you had to say, I couldnt help but shed track of time soon after a while.