Cop shop chronicles: “Don’t freak out, I’m robbing you,” and other gems

Visits to the “cop shop,” ie, the Oklahoma City Police Department, are a part of my weekly duties. There, reporters from the OKC media gather in a small third-floor room and peruse the freshest list of arrests from Oklahoma County jail as well as police reports. It’s the place police news items like this, this and this tend to surface. We mutter and curse when “the stack,” our nickname for the pile of reports, looks impossibly large. We perk up when a big crime item surfaces, and chat and joke and cast glances over a competitors’ shoulders if it is sensed one is acting particularly stealthy.

I’d like to blog a little more, so I thought I’d start a regular chronicle of cop shop happenings to share some quirky or noteworthy items that come up at cop shop but don’t quite make the news.

Here are a few from recent weeks:

Lethal weapons

Police found a woman on the street who said her brother-in-law had made unwanted sexual advances while driving her home from the bar. She fought him off. The woman, a kick boxer, said her hands are “registered as deadly weapons in New Mexico.”

Best confiscated weapon

The best weapon police picked up from a criminal lately had to be a set of brass knuckles with an artistic rendering of wolves. Owoooo!

In unrelated wolf news, please read the Amazon.com reviews for this The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee.

Random criminal quote

“Don’t freak out, I’m robbing you.”

Questionable reasoning

A cop asked a convicted felon accused of illegal possession of a firearm if he was aware it was not legal for felons to own guns.
His response? “Yeah, that’s why I was going to sell it.” The man had just shot himself in the penis while trying to make sure the gun functioned properly for its pending sale in the 7-11 parking lot.

True story.

Most lame “Do you know who I am?” line ever?

A man was harassing female customers inside of Mike’s Bar in Oklahoma City. The man threatened to shoot customers when asked to leave, shouting “You don’t know who I am!” The man, who happened to be wearing brown shorts and a brown shirt, was bear-hugged as a security guard escorted him out the door. He lingered in the parking lot, refusing to leave. When officers picked him up there he cussed and yelled that he had a concealed carry permit and his brother was a Kingfisher County deputy. He then told the officer “I’m gonna shoot you for this!” The officers did not roll out the red carpet as they escorted him to the squad car on complaints of carrying a weapon into a bar, threatening bodily harm/death and possession of a firearm while intoxicated.

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