Remember the scene from “The Jerk,” where Steve Martin’s character gets giddy when the phone books are delivered. “The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!” That’s how I feel today. “The new football games are here! The new football games are here!”
This is a great day. Opening day, after a long, hot summer (OK, so only August was hot). Baseball fans, of which I used to be one, celebrate Opening Day with a rare revelry. But the first baseball games are not an oasis. They arrive the first of April; American sports fans don’t need juiced up on April 1, they need a breather after all the excitement of March Madness. Football provides an oasis. Outside of an occasional big golf tournament, the summer provides few sport thrills. Football is much-needed tonic.
And today ends the drought. A few decent games tonight, a full slate Saturday, two games Monday. Hey, why no Sunday games? Since the NFL gave up Labor Day weekend, colleges have spilled over onto Labor Day Sunday. But not this year.
Let’s take a look at the best games:
Tulsa at Louisiana-Monroe (tonight): All summer, I thought this was a TU walkover. Then I realized how competitive Charlie Weatherbie’s team was last season. Despite a 4-8 record, they played Kansas and Kentucky within two points. This will be a dogfight, but let’s go TU 24-20.
LSU at Mississippi State (tonight): Sylvester Croom eventually will have to start winning or start looking for a new job. This is Year No. 4, and while I wish the Bulldogs would give LSU a game, it’s not going to happen. LSU 35-9.
Utah at Oregon State (tonight): This game isn’t on television. Which is a bummer. It’s on Fox Sports Northwest. We get Fox Sports Southwest, which means Rangers-White Sox. Ridiculous. Two last-place teams in a meaningless game, when we could be watching Mike Riley’s two-quarterback system. Oregon State 28-14.
Washington at Syracuse (Friday): Tyrone Willingham, with help from Bob Simmons, is getting it done in Washington. Greg Robinson, hired away from Texas after the 2004 season, is not getting it done in Syracuse. This is a big game for the Orange. Syracuse 19-17.
Colorado State at Colorado: Hard to believe the Buffs could win only two games last season. But they better win this one. Arizona State, Florida State and Oklahoma still awaits CU before October. Colorado State 20-17.
Washington State at Wisconsin: Barry Alvarez is gone, but his building job in Madison remains remarkable. Some are picking Wisconsin to win the Big Ten. Wisconsin 24-8.
UCLA at Stanford: The Jim Harbaugh Era begins at Stanford, with a defeat. UCLA 29-12.
Nevada at Nebraska: The Wolf Pack is not half bad. But I think Nebraska is going to be pretty good. Huskers 38-13.
Georgia Tech at Notre Dame: Biggest game of the week. Charlie Weis is the kind of coach who can wear out his welcome when he doesn’t win big. A loss to Georgia Tech could send the Irish on their way to a disappointing season. Notre Dame 21-18.
Wake Forest at Boston College: Jim Grobe is the best football coach in America. Wake Forest went to the Orange Bowl last season. Let me repeat. Wake Forest went to the Orange Bowl last season. BC 31-28.
Ole Miss at Memphis: John Grisham should write this one up. If Mississippi loses, coach Ed Orgeron could need one of those lawyers Grisham is always writing about. Ole Miss 18-14.
Missouri at Illinois: I’ll believe Mizzou is the best team in the Big 12 North when I see Chase Daniel eating enchiladas on the San Antonio Riverwalk. Missouri 35-12.
Arizona at Brigham Young: Huge game for Mike Stoops. But he beat BYU last season and it still didn’t get his Arizonas to a bowl game. Tucson folks say Stoops isn’t in any trouble, but I’d still recommend a bowl game. BYU 23-14.
Baylor at TCU: When is Gary Patterson going to get another job? TCU 26-7.
Oklahoma State at Georgia: Sanford Stadium is not the lion’s den everyone thinks it is. Georgia’s three big rivals are Auburn, Florida and Georgia Tech. In the last 40 years, the Bulldogs have a better record on the road against those foes than they do at home. Makes no sense. Georgia 30-24.
Kansas State at Auburn: What a wonderful game for K-State. I’m the world’s biggest Bill Snyder fan, but this kind of game does more for KSU, win or lose, than three dozen automatic wins. Ron Prince was a smashing success in Year 1; if he wins again, watch out. K-State could retake North Division prominence. Auburn 26-10.
Tennessee at California: An OU official said the other day he doesn’t put much stock in revenge, but he might make an exception for this game. Tennessee embarrassed Cal last season, and the Golden Bears have to be sitting in ambush. Plus, Jeff Tedford is a heck of a coach. Cal 24-23.
Texas Tech at SMU (Monday): It’s never boring watching Tech. But this might test that theory. Tech 28-11.
Florida State at Clemson (Monday): Doesn’t it seem like Florida State quarterback Drew Weatherford has been around forever? And hasn’t won a big game yet. The Bowden Bowl will hasten the departure of Clemson’s Tommy, with a loss; Papa Bowden seems safe despite Florida State’s seven-year slump. Clemson 20-15.