Catchphrase changed author Greg Behrendt’s life
From left, author Greg Behrendt with producer Nancy Juvonen and Ken Kwapis on the set of “He’s Just Not That Into You,” the film version of Behrendt’s best-selling book.
A version of this story appears in Sunday’s Life section of The Oklahoman.
BEVERLY HILLS, CALIF. – Greg Behrendt’s life changed over lunch.
Working as a consultant on the TV show “Sex in the City” about six years ago, the comedian was asked to weigh in as the series’ women writers analyzed the seemingly mixed messages one of them was getting from a man.
Behrendt’s take was simple and no-nonsense: He’s just not that into you.
His line not only became the signature catchphrase of a “Sex in the City” episode, Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, one of the series’ scribes, turned it into a best-selling 2004 comic advice book. The self-help guide, which has sold more than 2 million copies, has been adapted into a new movie. starring Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore and Ben Affleck.
Behrendt’s brutally honest book counsels women that if a guy isn’t calling them, isn’t dating them and/or is sleeping with someone else, that man just isn’t into them. His advice: Move on and find a guy who is.
He credits Tuccillo and his wife, Amiira Ruotula-Behrendt, with convincing him to turn his frank message into the book. But he actually wrote it for his sister.
“That’s how I talk to her, because I don’t know everybody. But I would stay to my sister … ‘That guy’s a dips- – -, so let’s move on,’ he said during a press conference for the film at the Beverly Hilton Hotel.
Behrendt, 45, had no idea his guidance would resonate with so many people.
“My hope was that it would get into Urban Outfitters and be around for a Christmas and then I could point to my buddies and go, ‘Dude, I wrote that pink book.’ And then I’d go do stand-up. This is like a gift bag, and the fact that anyone wanted to make a movie out of it … really is kind of great.”
He and Tuccillo have cameos in the movie, which opened Friday, as pastors presiding over weddings.
Behrendt thinks that women should stop believing they’re exception instead of the rule when it comes to men’s dismissive behavior. The “you are the rule” concept plays a big role in the film.
“That’s been with me a good part of my life since my sobriety. At one point, I woke up one day and went, ‘I’m not the exception. Life is hard for me. I have to work at things. I’m not just going to go out and do stand-up and suddenly be Chris Rock. I might have to do s- – - -y one-nighters for 15 years,” he said.
“I realized that when you look at life and you don’t think of yourself as the exception … you get more of what you want than when you’re hoping something will just show up.”
The husband and father of two believes that real love makes relationships relatively trouble-free.
“I’m crazy in love with my wife, and it’s easy … and it’s adult,” he said. “It’s boring to talk about because there’s no story, there’s no getting drunk and hanging out of windows and screaming and setting things on fire and crying.”
The success of his book has opened opportunities for the comic, who hosts SoapNet’s “Greg Behrendt’s Wake-Up Call” and is preparing to hit the road on “Greg Behrendt’s Totally into You Comedy Tour.” In 2005, he and his wife co-wrote a second popular relationship guide, “It’s Called a Break-Up Because It’s Broken.”
“One of the underlying themes in the book is ‘he’s just not that into you.’ … Let’s not waste our time in relationships that don’t serve us. But, the reality of any relationship is you have two options: stay in it and be miserable or say ‘I’m moving on.’ But in moving on, you can say, ‘This is what I need, and if you can’t provide it, fine,’” he said.
He added, “I wrote two books about getting out of relationships so that’s what I know: Don’t be in them when they’re crappy.”
-BAM
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